[The_Stewart_Revolution: The_Reckoning]

Isn't Stewart Copeland awesome, everyone? Perhaps some of our readers may not be very familiar with Stewart; they may feel he's "before their time." Shit, the Police were almost before my time, only I was very fortunate to become a fan during my very impressionable years--around 5 or 6. Anyway, if you get a chance, I highly recommend that you check out his drumming prowess at one of the Police Reunion shows this summer. Stewart is even harder working than Josh Freese on stage...he plays like 15 freaking percussion instruments back there! He's so gangly and good-natured, who couldn't love him as much as I do?

Well, Gabriel won't. In fact, he is going to have a fucking aneurysm when he sees this post. Angelman will likely have a smaller, toadie-like aneurysm. Yet ANOTHER reason to support the Stewart Revolution!

I'm still trying to figure out how to change that HORRID, DETESTABLE, LOATHSOME background image of ours without breaking the site. In the meantime, you can admire just a few of the many gorgeous faces of Stewart here:

Stewart in his prime:


Hunky Red Carpet Stew:


And oh God, hottest of all...FIERCE STEWART RAWKING OUT!


Now, I'm not saying that Stewart Copeland is superior to Trent Reznor because I do sincerely love them both. (If, for example, Josh Freese was ever too busy drumming for, say, Avril Lavigne, Trent would be wise to add Stewart to the line-up!) However, it should be pointed out that Stewart tends to be nicer to his fans when responding to them on message boards.

Here's some more Stewart trivia!

--The dude has seven children!
--He provided the voice of "American Soldier #1" in South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut.
--He's fluent in Arabic and grew up in Egypt and Lebanon.
--His soundtracks were probably the best things about some very bad films.
--He's only 13 years older than Trent, so he's not that old.

So take a moment, everyone...celebrate Stewart! After all, his birthday is next Monday!

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It's been almost a full week of living under the tyranny of the embargo. And although free speech is no longer free at Wearing These Chains, I refuse to worship false idols. Especially when said false idols are so blatantly lame. I mean, come on, even I am awesomer than Avril Lavigne. And I'm not even all that awesome, truth be told. But it is true--I am greater than Avril Lavigne, and here are just a few of the many reasons why. To wit:

10 Reasons That Maise Is Awesomer Than Avril Lavigne:

10. Avril may be oh-so-adorable at 5'1". Such a tiny little thing! I bet it makes her even HOTTER, right? Well, I'm 4'10". If short is good, then shorter is better. OBVIOUSLY.

9. Unlike Avril, I keep my terrible singing to myself in the car on the way to and from work.

8. As a meat-eater, I can more fully participate in "steak and a blowjob day."

7. I didn't piss off Johnny Rotten.

6. Unlike Avril, I haven't peaked too early in life. My Great American Novel? It's on the way, no rush. Meanwhile, with regard to Avril's 15 minutes of fame, she's at about 13:48.

5. I have attained a higher level of education.

4. "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife/And from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you." So although I'm not HOTT, I'm clearly more desirable in the long-term. (That otherwise dreadful song is Kid Creole and the Coconuts, in case you're curious. Bet Avril doesn't know that one. EDIT: I was led astray by the Internet on the name of this band, but JR set me straight. The original point still stands, though.)

3. Avril spits on the paparazzi and tells autograph seekers to fuck off. Mmm...classy. Granted, I'm sure all the intrusions and lack of privacy can be trying, Avril, but I know your mama didn't raise you to spit on people. At least MINE didn't. I don't spit on people, knowing that not only is that sort of behavior disgusting, but it also constitutes battery. Therefore, I am greater.

2. She has stupid tattoos. I do not.

1. Considering that she married that guy from Sum 41, I CLEARLY have better taste in men.

And Gabriel says I'm the one in denial? Please.

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A great woman once said, "I believe the children are our future." And that statement was never more applicable than now, when the very existence of humankind is on the line a mere 15 years from now. It shocks me that the AIR movement has never sought to address the children of today. After all, who is it who will be at the forefront of the resistance movement 15 years from now? Why, the three-, four-, five- and six-year-olds of today! We have to grab their supple little minds NOW. We have to educate them NOW.

Although Year Zero may not be the most comforting of bedtime stories, our lives and theirs depend on their understanding concepts like Parepin and the Presence and Red Horse Vector. Of course, we want to introduce these ideas to them in a way that is developmentally appropriate and appealing. That's why I've created "Year Zero for Wee Ones," a children's poem and coloring book. Enjoy and share it with a child you know.


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Oh, Auntie Em, I was trapped in the most terrible argument, where all we did was debate about Bono and sweatshops...But it wasn't a dream. It was a post. And you and you and you...and you were there. But you couldn't have been, could you? No, Aunt Em, this was a real truly live post, and I remember some of it was kind of entertaining, but most of it was pretentious, and all I kept saying to everybody was "I want to go home," and they sent me home! Doesn't anybody believe me? But anyway, Toto, we're home! Home. And this is Wearing These Chains, and you're all here, and I'm not going to leave here ever, ever again. Because I love you all. And...oh, Auntie Em! There's no place like WTC.

It just brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? I mean, remember when this site was about Trent Reznor? Our reader, guru shabd does. That's why I found this in my email account:


Yes, Guru, Trent does look hot, but there's also something a little off about him in this pic. He looks really pale and is probably overly airbrushed, and he looks just a tad angular and...yeah, he kind of DOES remind me of Spock, as mentioned by someone (I forget who) in The Thread That Shall Not Be Named. You know, I think it's the hair, actually. And the sideburns. Not that Spock doesn't have a sexy quality to him. Oh, and for shits and giggles, check this out, courtesy of Iris.

Btw, any of our Australian readers have the scoop on why Trent cancelled the 5/11 show? I don't feel like searching through ETS, so any news, updates, and outlandish conspiracy theories can be posted here! Also, I'd like to remind all of you that we welcome guest reviews of concerts (especially the good stuff like pics and vids). Send us your reviews, and we'd be happy to take a look at them. We can't promise you anything re: posting because we have to review for quality, and we're kind of grammar nazis in our way, and we're also really fucking lazy sometimes (as anyone who's submitted Bad Art knows).

All righty, then, gentle readers...you can all come out of hiding, now!

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Morning addicts, no need to caffeinate.
Internet whiners, put away your hate.
For today is a very special date!

It's the anniversary of the birth of our own Iris Deflowers.
She popped out of the womb with innate Photoshop powers.
And for our entertainment, she's worked hours and hours.

Any image you need, Iris can create it.
Looking at her portfolio, even Trent would have to admit
That our genius Iris...well, she is THE SHIT.

Not only that, but she's a loyal and brilliant friend.
On her wise counsel you can always depend,
Until about 15 years from now, when Trent says the world will end.

But thoughts of doomsday we will downplay.
Iris, I hope you're having a wonderful day.
I think it's time for an online soiree!



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So you all may have noticed that Gabriel's kept kind of mum about his "big important secret revolutionary gathering symposium happening event weekend." It occurred to me, friends, that Gabriel's uncharacteristic lack of expressiveness in this matter is not quite what it appears to be. I mean, when has Gabriel ever failed to speak his mind, even when grossly uninformed or simply stubbornly ignoring objective fact? And something that he believes in as strongly as THE CAUSE? Please--if he really cared about it, he would have written a Stank song about it by now.

Since that weekend, I have come to the inescapable conclusion that Gabriel's motives are hardly as pure-hearted and civic-minded as he claims. And normally, as his manager, I wouldn't bust his ass out online over it, since it's kind of bad for business for me to air our dirty laundry to the internets, but this time...this time Gabriel Miller REALLY HAS GONE TOO FAR.

Let's go back a couple of weekends ago, just before Gabriel was set to leave for his weekend of "underground art." Gabriel and I had a phone conversation that is more or less directly transcribed below:

Me: Liebchen, I'm positively stoked for this weekend! I'll bring l'orangerie stank merchandise, some AIR flyers I just put together on the fly, travel Yahtzee, the peanut butter...
Gabriel: (silence)
Me: You know, so we can make our presence known at this event!
Gabriel: Our?
Me: Yeah. Our. You know. Gabriel and Maise. Artist and manager...
Gabriel: Who crawled in your diapers and gave you the idea that you're coming with?
Me: Um, run that by me again?
Gabriel: You're a ghost dog.
Me: Er, yeah. I can get in for free as your pet.
Gabriel: You're not my pet.
Me: What?
Gabriel: You're not my pet. The Gabriel Miller doesn't have pets. Pets are a waste of Gaia's precious resources, and anybody in their right mind with a pet, would eat said pet, and decrease the surplus population!
Me: Oh. I see.
Gabriel: So... uh... I'll tell you about my awesome time when I get back.
Me: Have a nice fucking weekend. Asshole.
[I hang up]

Okay, so that's what went down. And I'm not ashamed to admit that some tears were shed, boys and girls. Never in all my life or afterlife has ANYONE even dared to tell me...but you know what? It's not about me. And it's certainly NOT about the fucking resistance or Year Zero or any kind of movement. If Gabriel cared THAT much about preventing the events of Year Zero from becoming our not-too-distant future, he would have insisted that I join him. I mean, a super-elitist resistance would be beyond retarded, right? If you want to change the fucking world, you need all hands (or paws) on deck.

So I came to the conclusion that this incident and EVERYTHING THAT GABRIEL MILLER HAS EVER DONE AND WILL EVER DO is about one thing and one thing only.


Of course he didn't want me there that weekend! Your loyal, dependable manager/fuckbuddy is a bit of a hindrance when the only thing you're after are the patchouli-stinking asses of 19-year-old blonde hippies in the desert, isn't it? I hope the threesome with "Sequoia" and her twin sister, "Granola," was worth it, buddy.

Meanwhile, it is time for me to CALL GABRIEL OUT on being completely full of shit and thinking of nothing but his dick THIS WHOLE TIME, regardless of all his recent sanctimonious prattle.

Want proof? Oh yes, I have it. IRREFUTABLE, bitches.

Gabriel Miller: Asking for It

Click away, if you dare.

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[Better_Late_Than_Never: NIN_in_Vienna_3/30]

[Review text by maise, AWESOME videos by Iris--check out all links, they're worth it!]

Well, friends, for reasons I will explain shortly, I'm still MORTALLY OFFENDED by Gabriel, the so-called revolutionary, and I WILL have my revenge, but first things first. Let's go back to happier days, shall we? Days when the WTC'ers admired elaborate cream-colored Baroque buildings, when we conquered yet another European public transportation system, when we were charmed by every Austrian we met, when Gabriel inadvertently ordered white sausages and discovered that they were good, when I finally lived my personal European dream and ate Apfelstrudel in Vienna...sigh. [Would anyone in Vienna like to adopt me? I can speak German halfway decently, and I will work for pastry. Schicken Sie mir eine Email, bitte!]

On our second day in this lovely city, we were concerned about Dierdre, who was suffering from a migraine (and having suffered through a migraine while riding on a train from Rome to Pompeii, I can assure you that being in an exciting European location does not make this condition any easier to endure), and we were a bit baffled by Trent's performance the evening before. Although from where I was sitting, the 3/29 show sounded perfect, those down in the pit were concerned that Trent's performance was rather mechanical and half-hearted. Well, we now know that there happened to be a number of upsetting personal issues for Trent that could have contributed to this perception, but since we weren't aware of any of these, we just blamed the whole thing on Rob Sheridan and his nefarious Trentbot, which we presumed he invented after the real Trent fell into a coma and was hidden somewhere in an underground vault in Iceland. Trentbot, you see, would keep the NIN machine going in Trent's absence and would ensure that Rob could continue to get laid. That was the theory, anyway. We found the idea of another Trentbot performance distressing, but we hoped for the best as we rode the U-Bahn to the Gasometer that evening.

I need to give props to whoever transformed the Gasometer from an actual gas tank into a mall/concert venue. The acoustics are (to my untrained ghostly ear) fantastic, and the security staff could not be any more efficient and polite. They detected every lit cigarette in the crowd and ensured its extinguishment, and if anyone was causing trouble in the pit, he/she was hoisted out immediately. If you asked them questions, you received a considerate answer. I didn't even feel manhandled during my pat-down on the way in and was complimented on my German on top of it. Delightful! The venue is small and intimate, and even when we arrived perhaps only half an hour or so before the show, we could still get close to the stage. In fact, the only thing keeping me from being only a few rows away from Trent was my claustrophobia. So on 3/30, I was hanging out by the sound board, approximately 10 feet away from Rob Sheridan most of the evening, who is kind of shorter and skinnier than I had imagined. It actually was kind of interesting to observe all the work going on at the sound board, but since you're more interested in video footage of Trent with a tambourine, I'll move on.

The evening began, of course, with Ladytron, who really impressed me on both nights. Previously, I had only been aware of their music via this fanfiction horror, but even then, I wondered, "Who does this catchy song?" There is a part of me that wishes I were a member of Ladytron, with an impenetrable coolness and a super-cute bob, but alas! That will never be me. Give me a moment to weep over my messy house, tedious day-job with looming deadlines, and the 10 pounds I need to lose pronto.

Okay. On to NIN! Check out the setlist, everyone! It was VERY exciting to hear so much from The Downward Spiral, especially "Heresy" and "The Becoming," (see below) both of which I had always wanted to hear live. Check out Trent busting out the um...electric coconut for "Piggy." There was a funny moment for me personally, as during the major Downward Spiral portion of the setlist at the beginning of the show, I saw the guys at the soundboard literally run out of the room with some computer screen. They returned during "Last," so I thought to myself, "Oh no, the Trentbot must have gotten stuck in Downward Spiral-mode!"

But luckily for us, Trentbot was nowhere to be found, and we got the REAL Trent Reznor, in all of his fist-fucking glory. Those who were in the pit said that the difference between the shows on 3/29 and 3/30 was like night and day, which is heartening news. One would hate to think that Trent was mortally afflicted with ennui. Other highlights for me that night included "Last," "Mr. Self Destruct," and "Get Down, Make Love." Oh, and I totally enjoyed inappropriate WHOO-ing during "La Mer." What is with that? Makes me wonder if back in the day, there were those who heard the first notes of the "Moonlight Sonata" and screamed, "WHOOOO! OMG, LUDWIG, I LOVE YOU! C-SHARP MINOR, YEAH!"

Unfortunately, Trent is still encouraging dorky clapping during "March of the Pigs."

So, yeah. We were rocked. We were rocked hard. Oh, and JR? Gabriel had to buy a new shirt afterwards because his was completely soaked through with l'orangerie sweat. I'm sure if you had asked, he could have wrung his shirt out into your open, waiting mouth and then slapped you in the face with it a couple of times. Oh, but you weren't there, were you? Pity.

I shall leave you all with what you all REALLY want--footage of Trent rocking the fucking tambourine like the naughty girl's Davy Jones. Enjoy!

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Trent, you're a good guy.

From the NIN Wiki:

Darren Kroupa was a Nine Inch Nails fan who passed away April 1st, 2007.

Darren became well known to NIN fans on two occasions. First, he appeared on a photo on the NIN current page. At the time, nothing was known about him. His name then showed up as part of the story on one of the Year Zero ARG websites, Secure Broadcast Informatics, where he was a dissident who organized underground concerts and engaged in other "illegal" activities.

It is now understood that, as a gesture of the Frances Foundation, Darren Kroupa met Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails in the studio. It is thought that he may have been the first person outside of the NIN-Camp to hear Year Zero.

The thoughts and prayers of all Nine Inch Nails fans go out to Darren's family and friends.

Yeah, I would second that.

Edit: After receiving a message from Darren's mother, I changed the information posted here slightly. It was the Frances Foundation that sponsored Darren and NOT Make-a-Wish, as he was over the age of 18. Once again, on behalf of everyone who writes for and reads this website, we extend our deepest and most sincere condolences to Darren's family and friends. --maise

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So we here at WTC are attempting to readjust and return to our normal lives and day jobs. My day job is kicking my ass right now and will continue to do so til May. Meanwhile, we're uploading some awesome pics and VIDEO (think Trent with a tambourine), and we have a second show to tell you about and a new album to discuss, and all sorts of Trent-related and non-Trent-related antics must ensue.

So we ask for your continued patience. But in the meantime, here's a little doggy treat just for JR:


As Gabriel's manager, I insisted that the WTC crew wear l'orangerie stank shirts all through Europe. Unfortunately, Dierdre vomited all over hers.

More to come...

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There's been a new Year Zero leak, and I found it--that's right! ME.

I was pouring myself a bowl of Lucky Charms this morning, and out of the box falls a thumb drive! The label read "pink hearts, orange stars, yellow moons, green clovers, blue diamonds and...hyperpower!." So I put it in my computer and found two files on it. The first was the song hyperpower!, and it's definitely a big departure for Trent. It doesn't really sound like the rest of the album; it's kind of...Eurotrash techno, you know? And it's not just Trent on the vocals...I think Oscar nominee and former American Idol contestant Jennifer Hudson has lent her powerful voice to this song.


[mechanical robot-sounding voice] hyperpower!, hyperpower!, hyperpower!
[Trent, spoken] Listen up, everybody. This here is THE SHIT.
[oonce, oonce, oonce, oonce]
[Trent] Everybody dance, dance!
This is where the music really kicks in...
[Trent] Feel the music, rock that body, shake that thing...yeah, it's hyperpower!
[Trent] Get on the dance floor! Sweat, people, sweat!
[Jennifer Hudson] DRIPPING SWEAT!
[Trent] It's Year Zero, time to party! Nothing to lose now--dance dance!
[Trent] Don't drink the water, drink my sweat! Cause I'm hot for you, hot for you!
[Jennifer Hudson] HOT FOR YOU, BABY!!!!!
[Trent, spoken] Listen up, girl. Listen to my beats. Don't be scared now. It's just my Presence. It's growing, growing.
[Jennifer Hudson] GROWING, GROWING!
[Trent, spoken] Turn off the lights now...cause we're gonna dance...between the sheets. hyperpower!
[mechanical voice, trailing off] hyperpower! hyperpower! hyper...

Okay, so that's the song.

But the other file on the thumb drive gave me this creepy little recording. I can't really figure out who it's supposed to be or what it all means, but it's these two guys who seem to be planning a terrorist attack. Here's the transcript.

[Man #1] Do we have all the ammo?
[Man #2] Check.
[Man #1] Did you pack "the juice"?
[Man #2] Yeah, but my eyes started bleeding a little.
[Man #1] Put some Visine on that shit.
[Man #2] I did, man. Fuck, it hurt.
[Man #1] Well, I told your ass to be careful. You gotta be careful with the juice. You're lucky you didn't start bleeding out your ass.
[Man #2] Well, it's inevitable, isn't it?
[Man #1] That's all part of the mission.
[Man #1] Those stupid fucking sheep...they won't even know what hit them at the Pierogi Festival.
[Man #2] At the what?
[Man #1] The Pierogi Festival.
[Man #2] What the fuck is that? I've never heard of that. Pee...?
[Man #1] Pierogis?
[Man #2] Yeah, those things. I've never heard of them.
[Man #1] You're shitting me.
[Man #2] No, dude.
[Man #1] Pierogis are awesome. They're like...these dumpling things. You boil 'em and fry 'em...and they're filled with, like, potato or cheese or sauerkraut or even fruit.
[Man #2] Really? Fruit?
[Man #1] Yeah. I've had plum and strawberry ones before. They're really good. I can't believe you've never heard of fucking pierogis.
[Man #2] No, I totally haven't.
[Man #1] Like, all of Eastern and Central Europe eats them.
[Man #2] Are we in Eastern or Central Fucking Europe?
[Man #1] No.
[Man #2] Before we unleash hell, can I try some of the pierogis at the festival?
[Man #1] Yeah, sure.


Then there's some Morse Code, which I really suck at, but I listened to it about 15 times and came up with this message: EAT MORE LUCKY CHARMS...THEY'RE MAGICALLY DELICIOUS.

There you have it. The newest Year Zero leak...and you heard it HERE first!

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