[Call_&_Response_#17: Our_Top_Ten_Closure_Moments]

I have been a NIN fan for years but only recently became a happy member of the lunatic fringe, so at first I didn’t really understand why everyone kept harping on and on and on about the DVD release of Closure. I mean, every time Trent interacted with his fans, someone was nagging him about it, and as far as I could tell, it was going to be tied up indefinitely in legal limbo. Since I wasn’t going to pay money for someone’s burned-out VHS copy on Ebay, I never gave it much thought, even though as I read more about it, I became intrigued.

But now it’s out there! And presuming that you have 12 gigs of free computer space and a Dual-Layer DVD burner, you can have your own copy! I have neither. But I do have our Iris, an awesome friend who went to great lengths to copy this for me and deliver it on New Year’s. So Iris and I had a delightful New Year’s Day brunch with my husband, our friend Sam, and one of my best friends, Padraig. (It was interesting to watch Padraig’s reactions since he has always been stubbornly impervious to Trent’s charms.)

The documentary itself took a while to grow on me, due to the ultra-ADHD editing style and the fact that everyone mumbles, mumbles, mumbles. But when I say “took a while to grow on me,” I’m talking about the amount of time it takes us from the beginning of the film to when we first see Downward Spiral-era Trent in all his destructively filthy hotness breaking his back and everyone else’s to give us all a good show. I’m not as poetic as Dierdre when it comes to praising all things Trent, but holy God, could a single man be any more fucking beautiful? At the EXACT SAME TIME that he sometimes winds up looking like a total ass? He is a fallen angel with a tortured soul at a never-ending frat party.

Dierdre has asked me to list my Top 10 favorite moments in Closure (as if you could narrow it down to only 10), and I’m asking you to join in! The good news is that if you can’t get a hold of your own copy right now, YouTube has a lot of footage available.

My Top Ten is in no particular order, btw…

1. Making a cameo appearance is Lou Reed, who appears to be channeling Phil Spector with plastic-framed glasses and an enormous perm. Lou and Trent mostly mumble at each other, but I love this moment because it led to Padraig and I having this exchange:

Padraig (upon seeing Lou Reed, jokingly): Is that Trent’s mother?
Me (sarcastically): Yeah, that’s his mom.
Padraig: Well, no wonder he’s upset.

2. All of “Down In It.” This is not normally my favorite NIN song, but this is probably the most entertaining performance in all of Closure, beginning with the moment that Trent licks his lips like some sort of feral animal. He is worshipfully petted by his fans, and then he firmly grabs his leather-clad ass with both hands and sloooooowly arches his back. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen anyone revel so completely in the touching of his/her own ass. It’s genius, and it just goes to show that Trent Reznor appreciates what the Good Lord gave him. As well he should. He then proceeds to attack some equipment and tackle full-bore into his bandmates. Holy shit, if my supervisor ever fucking clotheslined me and knocked me to the ground, I would fucking walk.

3. Obviously, the most fascinating moment for me personally was the few seconds when we got to see a very real and alive Maise lovingly play tug of war with her master and chew on his really long socks. The second that fictional ghost Maise laid eyes on real, living Maise in Closure, there was a tear in the time-space continuum.

4. The clips we see of the original MOTP video. OMFG, I nearly burst a blood vessel, I was laughing so hard. Gabriel is right…it *is* really retarded! I mean, are they supposed to be in a volcano or something? With demons? What the hell? I LOVE it. It only makes me wish that we could see the aborted EDIETS video.

5. Trent singing “Get Down, Make Love” live, after which, for a reason I cannot discern, he plaintively laments, “I feel so violated. My mom is in the audience!”

6. Trent discussing the rather alarming injuries he inflicts on Robin Finck (maimed finger) and Chris Vrenna (head injury) without much remorse. “This mike stand flew,” he explains, conveniently omitting the fact that he fucking THREW it directly in the path of his drummer.

7. The behind-the-scenes look at the “Closer” video…utterly fascinating, and Trent in a gimp mask is too hilarious.

8. Mr. Lifto abusing his genitals, only because it made Padraig shriek, “AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

9. Any time that Trent staggers across the stage clutching his head melodramatically during a song. This happens multiple times.

10. Band and crew throwing all manner of objects at an inoffensive “Exit” sign in a display of clichéd cock rock idiocy. The funny part about it, though, is that Trent is victorious (“Let the wookie win.”), and he is joyously carried aloft on everyone’s shoulders as though he just shot the goal that won the World Cup. There’s even a nice freeze frame just then. Happy Trent.