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Boys and girls, get out your Rave hairspray because for this edition of [Your_Dirty_Old_Aunt_Maise] we will be taking a trip back to the '80s. 1986, to be exact. Because in my search for Love After Trent, I am not limiting myself to time and place or even reality. After rewatching Labyrinth recently with a friend, I came to the astounding realization that it is my most fervent hope and desire to be The Goblin Queen.

And, you know, hook up with this guy:


That's right, bitches. Motherfucking David Bowie.

And no one--NO ONE--had better give me shit about the hair. Oh, you're going to go there, are you?


Okay, then. SHUT UP.

Anyway, all I could think about while watching Labyrinth was how HOTTTTTTTT Jareth the Goblin King is in this movie! Those sharp features, that mixture of mischief and malevolence in his glittering eyes, the MANY glam costume changes, the fact that he is served and constantly thwarted by Muppets, the fun '80s Bowie songs that he sings that have NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with the plot of the film, his air of sadness as he realizes that Jennifer Connelly is just a little too pre-pubescent to fully appreciate that he is Sex Personified...I really wish the goblins *would* take me away!

In addition...

He's fierce when he plays with his balls.


And check it out...he's good with kids.


But the clincher for me, WTC-ers, is that Jareth the Goblin King is not afraid to bring the FILTHIEST bulge right in the middle of a freaking kids' movie! OMG, someone get this man some PANTS! Or not.


Towards the end of the film, when whiny Jennifer Connelly defeats David Bowie, he ruefully says something along the lines of, "I could have ruled you." Jareth, honey, you can rule this bitch DAY AND NIGHT.

Yeah. I said it.

Posted by maise in maise_bites | Permalink


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TOTALLY and utterly with you on this one!!! - Sarah is a damn stoopid fool for turning him down. if it was my brother i had to rescue and I had Jareth saying he'd me my slave I'd be just like 'brother? what brother?' *sigh*

Posted by: Giftedsbytch | Oct 12, 2006 4:27:04 AM

Yes, let's revisit that quote, shall we? "I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."

Sounds like a deal to me! Where do I sign?

Posted by: maise | Oct 12, 2006 7:01:17 AM

I think the "Dance Magic" in that movie was more "Pants Magic" than anything. I would give my left one to see Bowie perform that on live in his full Jareth costume.

Posted by: Sam I Am | Oct 12, 2006 7:02:25 AM

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."

Didn't Gabriel say this at one point?

Posted by: gabrielsbitch | Oct 12, 2006 1:38:30 PM

Personally, I want the Thin White Duke to shag me rotten.

Posted by: Dierdre | Oct 12, 2006 3:07:03 PM

Thank's for the sexalicious Bowie crotch shot. My day is complete!

Posted by: Prism | Oct 12, 2006 4:08:31 PM

No problem! It's good that we're all in agreement on this. MORE clearly outlined junk in children's movies, please!

Posted by: maise | Oct 12, 2006 11:23:36 PM

I love junk.

Posted by: Jane | Oct 13, 2006 6:06:24 AM

MAISE!! This is starting to get creepy, the way you keep picking up on men I have the hots for in these little editions.

And for the record, I wanted to beat Sarah for not having the presence of mind to go "Alright. So you won't bring the baby back. TRADE. Take me please? PLEASE!?"

I mean, I would have.

Posted by: KittyKins | Oct 13, 2006 9:24:52 PM

Just a random...

Le Kid Grown up

Lucky bastard got to be toted around all day by David Bowie....

Hmmm.... another random...

Makes me want to watch Zoolander.

Posted by: Prism | Oct 14, 2006 12:01:12 PM

Oh yea, Toby Froud. That boy did grow up to be cute. He reminds me of one off my close friends with that "hobbit-y" hair.

Posted by: KittyKins | Oct 15, 2006 9:10:57 AM

It's oh so quiet...shh...shh! It's oh so still!

Actually since Trent is keeping mum, I'm going to use my psychic ghostly powers to tell you EXACTLY what he's doing RIGHT NOW.

He is...playing Monopoly. He's playing Monopoly with Saul Williams. They had a civilized disagreement over who got the car token. Trent has just landed on Pacific Avenue where Saul has three houses. Saul rejoices, rubbing his hands together and singing a little song he makes up on the spot called, "Pay Up." Trent's pretty pissed but he really likes Saul, so he's reigning it in. Trent has to mortgage the Electric Company. Tough times.

Posted by: maise | Oct 15, 2006 9:01:08 PM

Gyaaaahhhhh, Jareth.

Posted by: Kim | Oct 19, 2006 8:01:10 AM

Pants Magic Pants!!!!

(I love Labyrinth and Bowie and the fact that songs have very little to do with the film!)

Posted by: Nicole | Oct 21, 2006 9:56:18 PM

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