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Hi Trent, it's Maise.

Babe, I need a new job. Seriously, there are not words to convey the ennui. I've said it before, but I think I know what would be an ideal second career for me--writing your blog on nin.com for you. Come on, you know I enjoy it more than you do. And if you're hesitant about matching my current salary merely for writing up some terse blog entries, I'd be happy to throw in my sexual services as well. So here are some sample entries--my portfolio, if you will. Feel free to use any of these any time you want, and then you can go take a walk with the dog at the beach instead of having to slave away in front of your computer.


Today Saul laughed and said, "Trent, you are SO literal. You know, in a good way." I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a compliment or not.



I made this huge pot of soup that I've been eating every day. It's this new recipe with escarole and white beans. I've been eating it all week, and I don't care. I could eat it every day for the rest of my life, it's so good. And I made it all by myself.



Guys, my new dog is so fucking passive-aggressive. Last night I yelled at her when I found her eating one of my socks (again). So she was pouting about that, and then an hour later, I saw that she had crapped right on my favorite pillow. I'm calling the Dog Whisperer.



If you have the time, I recommend that you see Jackass: Number Two. It's so gross, but so totally funny.



JR wanted some fucking code to break, like Kate Winslet in that one British movie about WWII. So I created a fucking cryptogram for her. Because I don't have anything better to do with my time, but hey, pleasing my fans is my fucking number one priority. Enjoy.

This is a quote from me:



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Oh, and kids? You can click on the cryptogram to get a better look at it...in case you're going blind like me.

Posted by: maise | Oct 3, 2006 8:05:53 AM

Oh thank God! Something I can do to make this day go faster. Hooray for cryptograms!

Posted by: Iris | Oct 3, 2006 10:17:53 AM

Quit offering my man sexual services, you whore!

Posted by: Dierdre | Oct 3, 2006 10:34:24 AM

Well, I just wanted to point out the diversity of my skills.

Posted by: maise | Oct 3, 2006 10:38:01 AM

Maise, while I adore your inclusion of the cryptogram (and can't wait for some free time later to crack that sucker), I almost spit out the soup I was eating when I read your entry about the soup. "I could eat it every day for the rest of my life, I don't care." Oh my god. CLASSIC STUFF!

Posted by: JR | Oct 3, 2006 10:43:47 AM

JR, you flatter.

See, Trent? This is so right up my alley.

If you wanted, I would even wade through the muck at the Spiral, posting and chatting under your name so that you don't have to.

Posted by: maise | Oct 3, 2006 10:48:12 AM

totally genius! laughed SO hard, especially at the soup one :) - couldn't you just do a blog for him on here? pretty please *bats eyelashes*

Posted by: Giftedsbytch | Oct 4, 2006 4:33:37 AM

Is anyone attempting the cryptogram? Or are you all, like me, just waiting for someone else to be the big genius?

Posted by: Jane | Oct 4, 2006 9:15:53 AM

Well, if you guys get lazy, I can give you one of the letters, but I hope it doesn't come to that.

Posted by: maise | Oct 4, 2006 9:17:32 AM

No don't give up a clue yet. I'm still working on it. I think I may have one or two words.

Posted by: Iris | Oct 4, 2006 10:21:25 AM

it might actually help to point out that SHRCOVGDMUVF is one word, since the cryptogram is random (or so it seems to me).

Posted by: guLin | Oct 4, 2006 11:19:34 AM

Ooh, sounds like someone is quite far along! Yes, that is true...it is one word. Not sure why it got broken up like that, but I thought you guys would eventually figure it out...

Posted by: maise | Oct 4, 2006 11:21:55 AM

This is kind of fun. So far, I've been dissed by Ernest Shackleton, but I've scored with Billy the Kid and Edgar Allen Poe.

Posted by: maise | Oct 4, 2006 11:38:07 AM

I got it! Also figured I might as well de-lurk. Am I allowed to say or should I just hold on?

Posted by: Sarcelle | Oct 4, 2006 12:04:15 PM

Hi Sarcelle,

Of course you should de-lurk! Ummm, I know that some people are still working on cracking the code, so let's just say...someone post the answer on Friday. Sound good, everyone?

Posted by: maise | Oct 4, 2006 12:07:12 PM

Yes, thanks. I'm dying to have some time to play with that, but so far the past 24 hours have been a work-induced blur. Yuck.

Posted by: JR | Oct 4, 2006 2:39:32 PM


yall make me laugh and laugh and laugh!

Posted by: Prism | Oct 5, 2006 10:15:05 PM


I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamed I was back on the tour bus, and Aaron was standing over me, wearing this dog costume and chanting, "Heavy petting, heavy petting, heavy petting." I've kind of got the heebie-jeebies now.


Posted by: maise | Oct 6, 2006 6:53:13 AM

My friend found this for me yesterday. You kind of have to be in the special niche of NIN fan and Project Runway fan to appreciate it. This is from Season 2 when Wacky Designer Santino specialized in doing devastating impressions of the show's fashion mentor, Tim Gunn. So this is Santino reciting "Closer" lyrics in Tim Gunn's voice. This clip brought me to TEARS, but if you don't watch PR, you'll probably get a sense of "Huh?"

Posted by: maise | Oct 6, 2006 11:27:28 AM

Designers, you bring me closer to God!

Posted by: Nina | Oct 6, 2006 1:04:02 PM

Okay, so I don't know how much y'all have been keeping up with the drama, but apparently, one of Gabriel's whores/bitches/skanks/whatever has started a rival Gabriel fan site (I know, I know...try to hold back the vomit for a second) and recently asked me, Gabe's manager, for an email interview. So I complied and am happy to see that thus far I have not been misquoted. Oh, and in case you're curious, you can see a page from Gabriel's performance rider there as well, with all of his unreasonable backstage demands.

Posted by: maise | Oct 8, 2006 6:15:38 AM

Maisedawg--thanks for the shout out here on WTC!

And you know I wouldn't misquote you--that was part of our agreement, girl. Good girl. Gooood girl.

Posted by: GabrielsBitch | Oct 8, 2006 9:01:56 AM

And for everyone's information, it is the website that Gabriel asked me to create in the wake of his betrayal.

Posted by: GabrielsBitch | Oct 8, 2006 9:04:01 AM

Um, in case anyone was wondering, the quote was "An integral part of any relationship is knowing that you could be killed in your sleep at any time." Now, back to your regularly scheduled soap opera.

Posted by: Sarcelle | Oct 8, 2006 9:58:45 AM

And Sarcelle gets a gold star!

Posted by: maise | Oct 8, 2006 10:55:11 AM

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