[Inside_Dierdre: Nightmares!]

So, I don't know how many of all y'all read Buddyhead's gossip page, but the latest post, now quite old really, features this alarming description of Sparklepants's behavior at this year's Coachella as one of the so-called "highlights":

...Watching Trent Reznor completely lose his mind while Madonna played, pinch his own nipples, pull his shirt off, and wave it in a circle around his head when she broke into “Ray of Light”.

Now, I read that a long time ago, and I don't know if it's just the image of Trent, unleashing the awesome destructive power of his half-nakedness with such reckless abandon -- in public, no less, where it might be seen by some government agent, who might try to harness it and use it for evil -- or the "pinching his own nipples" thing -- which immediately calls to mind the image of Austin Powers's nemesis Fat Bastard eating chicken in bed with Felicity Shagwell -- or, if it's just the fact that we're talking about MADONNA here, who, while she was once a total fucking genius with her black Jesus, buring crosses, stigmata, and fabulous bouncy tits, now looks like a piece of beef jerky in a cheesey disco costume, and is officially all about working the bullshit retread as hard as she possibly can, but I am DISTURBED.

Seriously! Just look at the convoluted sentence I just wrote!! I don't even know if I totally fucked off the grammaticalization! And all these exclamation points!!!! GET READY FOR A LOT OF CAPS LOCK! Also, know that I am typing drunk.

Now, I know Buddyhead is all about the sarcasm and irony, and fuck them for that, even if they are hilariously obssessed with cock and epithets like "asspro." I can never get over the feeling that if Buddyhead co-founder Aaron North weren't actually trying to look all fierce, night after night, as Nine Inch Nails's guitar player du jour, Trent would be exactly the guy Buddyhead would be mocking ceaselessly, for his dead fucking serious aspirations, inexorable earnestness, and overwrought melodrama. Don't get me wrong: those fine qualities are EXACTLY WHY I LOVE TRENT SO MUCH I COULD PUKE, but it's not the kind of thing that generally gets a pass from hip, scenester bitches like the Buddyhead boys.

Whatevs.

Still, I can't help wondering: ARE THESE BITCHES FOR REAL? I can't actually imagine that our Trent really and truly got the twins out and did a striptease, but could it be that notre amour REALLY thinks Madonna is hot? Does he really like "Ray of Light"? Because fuck, man, it's been downhill for Madonna since "Express Yourself", hasn't it? All I'm saying to you, my dear readers, is this: for some reason, this is an image that just makes me shudder. It keeps me up at night and haunts my nightmares, and I don't even know why.

Maybe it's just that they said "nipples", and "Trent Reznor" in the same sentence, and that makes my brain go all haywire?

Yeah. Maybe.