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So, my northern English boytoy is leaving town for good. Of course, I'm a little sad, on account of what a truly excellent ride he was, but at the same time, I'm not abject or broken-hearted, because as all of you know full well, he isn't exactly the LOVE OF MY LIFE .

You know what though? I'm going to miss him, and I want him to know that I totally care, so I'm doing something really, really cheesey as a gesture of my affection: I'm making him a mixtape. And, before you ask, yes: he has a positively medieval, tape-playing Walkman.

It's always a sly game, making a mixtape for someone you want to tell some special thing to, isn't it? It's using someone else's words to say what you mean, probably because you're too chicken to use your own, and that's certainly the case here, because I just can't go there with this guy. Still, I do want him to know that I am going to remember him fondly, if somewhat snidely; and really, how often do our favorite artists say just that thing that's in our hearts, but for which we hadn't found the right words? It happens all the time, right?

So, here's my hypothetical scenario for you today: your psychic powers have informed you that Trent is listening to the radio. It's the only cool radio station in the world, and it plays music that cool people like us want to listen to, rather than hours of pure, unadulterated, stultifyingly awful drivel recorded by idiots and retarded beer commercials, and it doesn't have any DJ's whose voices are about as pleasant as being poked in the face with a sharp stick (thanks, Ghost World). If you call right now, you can dedicate a song to our dear Sparklepants that will tell him just what you most want him to know...

What's it gonna be?

Posted by Dierdre ~ in call_&_response / with_questions | Permalink


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Oh no, he's leaving *for good*?

Good for you, though, on making him an old-school mix tape. I still love to do that.

As for radio dedications to Trent, well, I'm in a curious mood this morning, so I'd go with The Smiths "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out" and if that would seem too morbid, then maybe "Coffee and TV" by Blur. And oh hell, throw in Tears for Fears "Head Over Heels" while you're at it, just because that's one of the best songs EVER written.

Posted by: maise | Jun 29, 2006 7:52:08 AM

"Fundamentally Loathesome" by Marilyn Manson

Posted by: Dom | Jun 29, 2006 7:57:57 AM

You know, Dom, perhaps I speak for more than just myself when I say that you're probably one of the most reliable men in my life.

Posted by: maise | Jun 29, 2006 8:04:08 AM

I love you, Dom. Seriously.

Ooh! I'm dedicating a Sonic Youth song. Maybe it's the musical selection WTC is working lately, but Sonic Youth has one that has always reminded me of Trent. It's from their record Sister, and it's called "Tuff Gnarl", and it is SO. EFFING. GOOD.

In fact, here are the words:

Hes running on a tuff gnarl in his head Hes got a fatal erection home in bed Hes really smart and hes really fast Hes got a hard tit killer fuck in his past Saints preserve us in hot young stuff The saving grace is a sonic pig pile Amazing grazing strange and raging Flies are flaring through your brains Spastic flailing literally raising my roof An adrenal mental man-tool box explodes in music creates utopia You gnarl out on my nerves you weird and crush the cranking raunch Flesh dirt forcefield lost and found lets burn your broken heart Set our sight on sights not yet set lets scorch your wavo wig Lets poke your eyes out

Yeah. That's mine.

Posted by: Jane | Jun 29, 2006 8:12:55 AM

Fucked up the spacing. Oh well.


Posted by: Jane | Jun 29, 2006 8:15:39 AM

Maybe I could use that fatal erection as a towel bar in our downstairs bathroom because holy shit, the one they had in there was ugly.

I don't know how the houseguests would feel about that, though.

Posted by: maise | Jun 29, 2006 8:24:57 AM

You make me sick, Jane. That goes for all of you idiots.

Posted by: Dom | Jun 29, 2006 8:27:56 AM

Unless Dom wants to play the part of my Kubrickian bathroom fixtures?

Posted by: maise | Jun 29, 2006 8:38:31 AM

Well maybe you should invite that creepy woman who has been taking pictures of your house over for tea or something. Then when she asks to use the restroom, politely point her in the direction of the one with the offending towel rack. That ought to get a nice reaction out of her and serve some sort of devious revenge for you.

I don’t know about a song. Other that NIN, all the other music I listen to is pretty happy go lucky and not really fitting. Maybe “I Got Something” by The Davey Brothers; it’s nice, bluesy, and because “so git with me baby, ‘cause I know what is good for you” is a good subtle lyric that he should come on over, although, subtly isn’t always Trent’s game. And I suppose I would get him to listen to “Filthy/Gorgeous” by The Scissor Sisters, only because I would imagine him absently minded shaking his booty to it and singing along in falsetto to the chorus. Oh, and because he does “make me feel so nas-ty”!

Posted by: Iris | Jun 29, 2006 9:03:02 AM

Oh and another Davey Brother’s song I would definitely add to the rotation list would be ”Finch”.

“Every time you look my way
Ooo Ooo yeah
I just love your sexy ways
Ooo Ooo yeah
you always make me say
Ooo Ooo yeah
But you don’t even know my name!”

See, happy go lucky shit. You can't help but bop your head to this stuff.

Posted by: Iris | Jun 29, 2006 10:10:47 AM

I would just repeat "You Suck Pigfucker" to TR over and over to him for 90 minutes.

Or 60 minutes if it was one of those cheapo Radio Shack cassettes.

Posted by: Gabriel | Jun 29, 2006 11:12:02 AM

Too bad about your BLACK SOUL, Gabriel.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jun 29, 2006 11:19:58 AM

I would just repeat "You Suck Pigfucker" to TR over and over to him for 90 minutes.

And how do you propose to do that? Hijack the radio station's frequency with your Mr. Microphone?

Posted by: maise | Jun 29, 2006 11:23:30 AM

"The Grind Date" by De La Soul.

Posted by: beth | Jun 29, 2006 1:02:29 PM

"All I Wanna Do (Is Make Love to You)" by Heart.


Posted by: Baal Glyttr | Jun 29, 2006 2:01:26 PM

OMG-asm, Baal!

OOOH, we made love
Love like strangers
All night loooooooo-ng
We made love

I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden
We planted a tree
Don’t try to find me,
Please don’t you dare
Just live in my memory,
You’ll always be there

Oh Jesus, that's too funny...

Posted by: maise | Jun 29, 2006 2:25:51 PM

You rule, Baal. What about "Barracuda"?

Posted by: Dierdre | Jun 29, 2006 2:26:23 PM

While "Barracuda" does, indeed, RULE ASS, it didn't have that cheesy, over the top, biker bitch pathos that I think is so appropriate for a radio dedication... or a mix tape.

It's also really important to feature songs with parenthetical extensions. As in "Physical (You're So)" and Def Leppard's "Mirror, Mirror (Look Into My Eyes)"

Posted by: Baal Glyttr | Jun 30, 2006 6:37:13 AM

Fuck that, Baal. I'm going with Foreigner: "I Wanna Know What Love Is". That is the ultimate radio dedication. Or, maybe Cheap Trick: "The Flame".

After I made the mixtape for my departing naughty romp partner, I realized that every single song on it, with the exception of Ween's "Japanese Cowboy" was the saddest song in history. And, "Japanese Cowboy" is only not sad because it's so ridiculous -- but it's about love gone wrong.

Jesus. I hope he doesn't off himself while listening to it...

Ok, and also? Those are not my real dedications to Trent. I'm still thinking.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jun 30, 2006 6:53:00 AM

im gonna dedicate "crazy bitch" by buckcherry to him.

Posted by: Hannah | Jun 30, 2006 8:28:31 AM

OMFG. Buckcherry RULZ ASS, and "Crazy Bitch" is easily their most hilarious song!

"You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it...

Nice one, Hannah. I busted a gut.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jun 30, 2006 8:33:26 AM

See Dierdre, I think my song to Trent is better because the lyrics imply having his baby.

Oh, oooh, we made love
Love like strangers
All night long
We made love

Then it happened one day,
We came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes...

Hells yeah!

Posted by: Baal Glyttr | Jun 30, 2006 10:33:46 AM

Oh, and maise...

I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden
We planted a tree

... the most genius lyrics EVER.

Posted by: Baal Glyttr | Jun 30, 2006 10:36:17 AM

Maise wrote:

And how do you propose to do that? Hijack the radio station's frequency with your Mr. Microphone?

Three words for you Maise: Happy. Harry. Hard-On.

Posted by: Gabriel | Jun 30, 2006 11:02:10 AM

Yeah, Baal, but check out the lyrics to "The Flame":

But Ive been hit by lightening.
Just cant stand up for fallin apart.
Cant see through this veil across my heart, over you.
Youll always be the one.
You were the first, youll be the last.

Wherever you go, Ill be with you.
Whatever you want, Ill give it to you.
Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon.
Remember: after the fire, after all the rain,
I will be the flame.
I will be the flame.

Yeah... that's right, baby. THE FLAME.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jun 30, 2006 1:23:21 PM

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