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2006.01.06

[Dear_Trent:_Blah_Blah_Blah, Look_At_Me,_I'm_Gabriel]

Hey, Your Spookiness! How goes it, dude? It's me, Gabriel.

I must admit, when you first moved to L.A., I thought it was a little lame. Whether desperate bid to reclaim TDS-era glory, or just a full-on sell-out to the music industry machine, I wasn't sure, but I had one thought in my mind: G-A-Y. But since I've lived here myself for a while, I totally get why you did it.

The fake boobs on the women here are fucking AWESOME.

Now, I know everybody's been in discussion about my sexuality, and you yourself talked in the past about how you wanted to go down on a dude, or something. Which, of course, we both know you did just so you could appear more emotionally honest and open and therefore more Alt-Rocky and more appealing to women in the first place.

(I put this theory to the test before I left La Jolla, btw; Alex and I went to a bar and bet the women there $50 -- or a round of drinks -- that we wouldn't kiss with tongue. Not only did we make some sweet cash and drink for free that night, but we both hooked up with this awesome little Suicide Girls wannabe named Violetta... but that's another story).

Anyway, Trent, I just wanted to say -- you're totally right. Fake boobs ARE awesome. Good taste, my friend. I'll email you some pictures next month, as it must get lonely on the road; all those REAL boobs out there in the midwest -- talk about LAME, right? No Silicon = NO FUN, am I right?

Except for Texas. They've got more fakies there than Rodeo Drive... but then you have to deal with all those motherfuckers in orange all the time and that's just fucking annoying.

Anyway Trent -- hope you're having a good new year. And I think we both know what that last digit in 2006 rhymes with, my man, and it starts with "T". WOOHOO! *high five!*

I'm gonna go surfing.

Gabriel

Posted by Gabriel in gabriel's_ponderings | Permalink

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Comments

Dude, I have no idea what you're trying to prove. I think you're just trying too hard (and the pun is definitely not intended). Besides, when you've got Gs (and growing daily), those little poofy things that the girls get implanted down there still look like bags of shit. Unless of course your problem is that you actually have an unresolved Oedipal complex...and pardon me for being an idiot, but what does six rhyme with, other than DICKS. Oh wait...I get it! I get it! You like CHICKS WITH DICKS...

Posted by: Buttercup | Jan 6, 2006 5:14:58 PM

Gabe, you're weird.

Posted by: Kim | Jan 6, 2006 6:43:23 PM

Bitch, please.

This bullshit has been UN-NUMBERED and UN-ATTACHED to the "Dear Trent" category. First, like a total bitch, you QUIT this website; THEN, without having ANY RESPECT for my REAL LOVE, you insert this fucking bullshit? Fuck you, Gabriel. You know I love you, but I will not stand for this. You left the site in my hands, and I am taking this opportunity to EDIT YOUR TOTALLY WRONG ASS.

I'd just like to add that all of your recent posts, in which you take jabs at fat girls, and sing the praises of fake boobs are stamped with, as Buttercup so rightly says, the mark of TRYING TOO FUCKING HARD, and also, of almost Meathead-worthy misogyny. Are you afraid of girls, too? Just like your Ninternet hero? Again, FUCK YOU. You just keep telling us that deep, deep, deep in your heart (and ass) you aren't the world's biggest homo, because, YEAH. WE BELIEVE THAT.

I know you too well, bitch, and ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. You want to write bullshit like this, go write it on your LAME FUCKING STANKHOLE.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jan 7, 2006 12:29:42 AM

I'm with buttercup on this one.

Dierdre, I am so happy to see you changed the title.

Gabe, I think LA has made you shallow.

Posted by: Nicole | Jan 7, 2006 8:42:51 AM

I decided to temporarily come out of retirement.

And wasn't it you Dierdre that bitched incessantly when I (admittedly, in poor judgement) removed Mimi's story?

Oh, but that's right -- I forgot. You're just another ETS mod when it doesn't suit you.

Posted by: Gabriel | Jan 7, 2006 9:14:49 AM

p.s. Dierdre, yes you do know me very well, so you should know exactly what I'm doing -- and it's working.

Posted by: Gabriel | Jan 7, 2006 9:22:47 AM

No, an ETS mod would have banned your ass. I left your LAME post in tact so that all the world can see what a retard you are.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jan 7, 2006 9:24:44 AM

So how often did you and Saturnine hang out while in London, anyway? You write any poems together?

Posted by: Gabriel | Jan 7, 2006 9:37:29 AM

Is that all you got?

Y A W N.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jan 7, 2006 9:45:34 AM

Aw, cutey, I love it when You Pretend To Not Care In An Effort To Goad Me when The Fact That You Made An Effort Proves You Care.

It makes me smile.

Posted by: Gabriel | Jan 7, 2006 10:02:32 AM

That's always your gambit, isn't it. Any response at all is just your opportunity to amp up your self-important peacockery. You think you're so smart.

Whatever.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jan 7, 2006 10:20:37 AM

Ahhh...I've missed the smell of napalm in the morning...

Posted by: Buttercup | Jan 7, 2006 1:06:42 PM

and don't forget the silly putty

Posted by: George Carlin | Jan 8, 2006 7:08:38 AM

Wait, what's wrong with real Midwestern tits?

Posted by: maise | Jan 8, 2006 8:54:50 PM

I think ALL tits are awesome, maise. I was just giving props to MTR for his excellent implant taste (I mean let's face it -- NOLA isn't exactly known for their cosmetic surgeons)

Posted by: Gabriel | Jan 9, 2006 8:07:14 AM

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