[Are_You_There,_Trent? It's_Me,_God]

Well we all saw it yesterday, the mighty words from Fearless Leader:

[10_23_2005]
FUCK HURRICANES!
ENOUGH AREADY.
6:29pm_PST

Then, moments later:

[10_23_2005]
FUCK HURRICANES!
SO WHAT IF I CAN'T TYPE? TYPING'S FOR HOMOS ANYWAY!
6:29pm_PST

One thing is abundantly clear -- with the cancellation of the Ft. Lauderdale Nine Inch Nails show at the hands of Hurricane Wilma, Michael T. is getting a little frustrated.

And who can blame him -- I mean, the guy's had his drummer almost die -- twice. He had to get friggin Nikka Costa's drummer to fil in... there's been cancellations, venues only selling out at half-capacity... spirits are so low, the band has even taken to mocking their own fans to keep spirits up.

What's a former reigning King of Gothy Doom supposed to do?

Well normally, I would say Come With Gabriel To The Bauhaus Show This Weekend, but unfortunately Trent's going to be "raising money for a good cause" by "helping his fellow man" and "using his posturing for charity to get some extra choice nookie" at the Voodoo Festival on the 29th, so that's gonna be a no go. So instead of distracting himself, I think Trent's gotta face facts here. All these tour-related problems aren't just random coincidence, Trent.

Somebody's trying to tell you something. And I think you know what His name is.

I know you tried hard, to be the powerful rock demon... you wanted to rock the sparklepants off your minions -- and hey, dude; you have. Right on. Good for you. High Five. But at the same time, things never seemed this difficult before did they? When you broke open Chris Vrenna's skull, you guys cancelled what, one show? Robin Finck practically cut his finger off. Once again; a single cancellation. For fuck's sake; Richard Patrck was in the band for years and I don't think that ever resulted in any rescheduled shows. Sometimes the tide's just not with you, my man, and you can't force it.

But that's okay. So come on, Mike. Give up the arena rock touring already. That's what God is telling you.

Now you may be saying, "I pray every night, Gabriel -- my statue of Jesus hasn't spoken to me and told me to quit With_Teeth_Live_2005, or to call off the pending With_Cancellations_2006". But that's why God is your friend. He's not going to preach to you like some Jerry Falwell motherfucker. He's just going to throw some rain and some wind your way and let you figure stuff out for yourself. Which I think is pretty cool.

We all know you're listening to Him, Trent. Even Anne Rice is listening to Him. And with your recent comments in Rolling Stone, about your plans after this tour -- "I might play theatres by myself, with the piano and some electronics... just try something that's the antithesis of the shows we're doing now" -- I think we all would agree that your listening to God is going to be one very good thing.