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the hand that feeds

We live in scary times these days. Our political system is running crazy, kids are shooting each other in high schools, and you can't even bring your fucking lighter with you on an airplane anymore. What gives? What am I supposed to do when I take a clove break when I have a layover when flying to New Orleans, you know?

Given the harsh realities of these times, and the horrible significance some world events take these days, it's understandable that we need a rallying cry against our acting leader, and people have jumped on the first single from [With_Teeth] to serve that purpose.

While I agree that the song can be interpreted to be about political stuff if you look for it -- Trent himself has been so amused that everybody thought it was a political diatribe that at the last couple shows he's dedicated the song to "George W. Fuckin' Bush"! And people say Trent doesn't pay attention to his fans!! -- I think the truth about the hand that feeds is something much different (and even more powerful!):

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Yep, that's right. The single is very obviously about Trent's passion and dedication to the work of actor Orlando Bloom -- I'd even go so far as to say that Trent feels like he is Orlando sometimes.

I admit cracking the "hand" code wasn't easy at first -- I'd heard so many people talking about "politics, politics, politics" that I wasn't able to get this rather obvious interpretation out of my brain. But we all know that Trent is much deeper than that, and finally in the second verse I realized what he was talking about: "What if this whole crusade's a charade / And behind it all there's a price to be paid."

"The Crusade" he's referring to is obviously Orlando's new movie Kingdom of Heaven, which is about the Holy Crusades themselves! (You might remember that Trent references this movie earlier in the album, on all the love in the world). The "price to be paid" would therefore be the price for the movie ticket that Trent will have to pay to go see the movie when it comes out -- I'm sure living in L.A., and being a super-famous rock star, he could get to go to all kinds of free screenings, but since he's on tour he probably has to pay like everybody else.

So now that we know what the song's about, the rest starts making a lot more sense -- the first verse is all about Orlando's performance as the elf Legolas in the Lord of the Rings movies. "You're keeping in step in the line / Got your chin held high and you feel just fine" describes the journey that he took with Aragorn and Gimli as they crossed Middle-Earth; Legolas always walked with his shoulders squared and straight, and his chin held high looking out at the horizon. "Because you do what you're told" is for all the times that he let Aragorn lead them -- because Aragorn was obviously the King that was going to return in the third movie. And the bit about his heart feeling black and cold inside is the conundrum of all the elves -- they're remote and detached, without emotion -- but during the LOTR movies Orlando's amazing performance made us feel that Legolas learned to be friends and open up inside so his hard would be warm and white instead! Or grey, at the very least.

So what was the other movie that came out with Orlando Bloom recently? Troy, which was a kinda shitty adaptation of some really old book that I was supposed to read in high school but never did. Anyway, Brad Pitt is all buff and cool in this movie, but the best part is Orlando who, as Paris, has to fight the husband of the man who's wife he stole (because Orlando was way hawter than the fat guy that was married to Helen in the first place). Well Orlando's brother offers to get him out of the fight, but Orlando won't do it -- he needs to be a man! He'd rather give up everything he has than be a coward; this is how he "bites the hand that feeds!"

Well the fight doesn't go well -- he does bleed, and end up on his knees, and he's sorta brave enough to see... and right at the end he's about to get killed and decides that he wants to change it. Well you can see the movie and find out the rest from there, but I think it was totally clever of Trent to talk about the movie in the chorus like this. Most people won't even know what you're talking about when you bring it up, so it's sort of like a secret code or handshake: If you know what "biting the hand that feeds" really means, you're in the club!

"Well what about Pirates of the Caribbean, Gabriel?" you may be asking. "That movie was super cool, with the sword fighting and everything, and Orlando was super hawt in that one too! Doesn't Trent like pirate movies?" Of course he does; you just have to listen!

"So naive to keep holding on to what I want to believe / And I can see but I keep holding on and on and on and on." Now, if you remember, in Pirates Orlando's character was the son of a famous super-badass pirate, but Orlando didn't know this until halfway through the movie. When he found out, he was upset and rejected the idea, because he wanted to be an honorable man who fought on the right side of the law (even if the right side was a bunch of wusses). This is what the bridge is about -- Orlando's naive to think that being a pirate is so bad, when he's obviously so good at it, and gets to hang out with Johnny Depp (I mean come on, Johnny introduced NIN at the 1999 MTV VMAs when they played "the fragile"). How can being a pirate be bad when you've got that stuff going for you!

Fortunately, we all know that Orlando decided being a pirate was the right way to go in the end -- and I think that's what Trent is trying to tell us too. Orlando knows what he's doing!

Explore The_Understanding_Teeth_Collection!

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Trent and Orlando have exactly the same facial hair configurations! That kinda freaks me out. But, while I'm keeping score, let's just review how many of Gabriel's obsessions Trent has been writing songs about:

1. God
2. Transvestites
3. Herpes
4. Star Wars
5. Orlando Bloom


Posted by: Dierdre | May 23, 2005 7:03:08 AM

Trent hasn't written any songs about STAR WARS yet, Dierdre. Get it straight.

And before you go there, I think Lord of the Rings is gay.

Posted by: Gabriel | May 23, 2005 10:04:14 AM

So that's why you saw it 17 times in the theater? Or, was that just because you couldn't stop thinking about elf cock?

Posted by: Dierdre | May 23, 2005 11:05:54 AM

Is this for real? If so, it's fucking stupid. You must be kidding, right? Or are you a 13 year old girl with a predictable crush on Orlando Bloom and a wierd crush on TR?

Posted by: Anonymous | May 23, 2005 3:11:16 PM

Well, anonymous, actually it's a 23 year old Goth/Emo boy with a wierd crush on Orlando Bloom and a predictable crush on Trent Reznor.

Posted by: Dierdre | May 23, 2005 6:05:05 PM

This is real as it gets anonymous. More real than hiding behind your false emotions and disguising your name..come clean!

Posted by: Tormented_Soul_3 | May 23, 2005 6:33:54 PM

Totally, dude. GET REAL.

Posted by: Dierdre | May 23, 2005 6:41:36 PM

you've got good taste in music :)..

Posted by: hastang | May 23, 2005 9:53:12 PM

"has to fight the husband of the man who's wife he stole"

I wasn't aware of men being able to marry men back then.

Posted by: Anonymous | May 25, 2005 5:10:02 AM

what the fuck are you on about?!

trent reznor having an unhealthy obsession with orlando bloom has got to be one of the most fucked-up theories on the internet.

none of your arguments make any sense, and that picture of trent is from ages before pirates of the caribbean came out, before orlando was even famous!

also, if orlando "knew what he was doing", he wouldn't be in any shit movies like troy or kingdom of heaven...

seriously, read this again and see how pathetic it sounds

Posted by: katlo | Jun 16, 2006 10:47:43 PM

Go get 'em, katlo!

Posted by: maise | Jun 17, 2006 12:18:59 AM


Oh, man. It's been a long time. Thanks, Katlo.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jun 17, 2006 1:10:01 AM

Well shit -- katlo's certainly bringing back some memories, wouldn't you say D?

And Katlo -- how can you even argue my theories don't make any sense? I mean, did you even read my pieces on "you know what you are" or "every day is exactly the same"?

INDISPUTABLE FACT, each and every one. Time to get your enlightenment on, katlo.

Posted by: Gabriel | Jun 17, 2006 1:52:22 AM

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