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2007.05.07

[You_Say_You_Want_a_Revolution?]

So you all may have noticed that Gabriel's kept kind of mum about his "big important secret revolutionary gathering symposium happening event weekend." It occurred to me, friends, that Gabriel's uncharacteristic lack of expressiveness in this matter is not quite what it appears to be. I mean, when has Gabriel ever failed to speak his mind, even when grossly uninformed or simply stubbornly ignoring objective fact? And something that he believes in as strongly as THE CAUSE? Please--if he really cared about it, he would have written a Stank song about it by now.

Since that weekend, I have come to the inescapable conclusion that Gabriel's motives are hardly as pure-hearted and civic-minded as he claims. And normally, as his manager, I wouldn't bust his ass out online over it, since it's kind of bad for business for me to air our dirty laundry to the internets, but this time...this time Gabriel Miller REALLY HAS GONE TOO FAR.

Let's go back a couple of weekends ago, just before Gabriel was set to leave for his weekend of "underground art." Gabriel and I had a phone conversation that is more or less directly transcribed below:

Me: Liebchen, I'm positively stoked for this weekend! I'll bring l'orangerie stank merchandise, some AIR flyers I just put together on the fly, travel Yahtzee, the peanut butter...
Gabriel: (silence)
Me: You know, so we can make our presence known at this event!
Gabriel: Our?
Me: Yeah. Our. You know. Gabriel and Maise. Artist and manager...
Gabriel: Who crawled in your diapers and gave you the idea that you're coming with?
Me: Um, run that by me again?
[pause]
Gabriel: You're a ghost dog.
Me: Er, yeah. I can get in for free as your pet.
Gabriel: You're not my pet.
[pause]
Me: What?
Gabriel: You're not my pet. The Gabriel Miller doesn't have pets. Pets are a waste of Gaia's precious resources, and anybody in their right mind with a pet, would eat said pet, and decrease the surplus population!
Me: Oh. I see.
[pause]
Gabriel: So... uh... I'll tell you about my awesome time when I get back.
Me: Have a nice fucking weekend. Asshole.
[I hang up]

Okay, so that's what went down. And I'm not ashamed to admit that some tears were shed, boys and girls. Never in all my life or afterlife has ANYONE even dared to tell me...but you know what? It's not about me. And it's certainly NOT about the fucking resistance or Year Zero or any kind of movement. If Gabriel cared THAT much about preventing the events of Year Zero from becoming our not-too-distant future, he would have insisted that I join him. I mean, a super-elitist resistance would be beyond retarded, right? If you want to change the fucking world, you need all hands (or paws) on deck.

So I came to the conclusion that this incident and EVERYTHING THAT GABRIEL MILLER HAS EVER DONE AND WILL EVER DO is about one thing and one thing only.

Sex.

Of course he didn't want me there that weekend! Your loyal, dependable manager/fuckbuddy is a bit of a hindrance when the only thing you're after are the patchouli-stinking asses of 19-year-old blonde hippies in the desert, isn't it? I hope the threesome with "Sequoia" and her twin sister, "Granola," was worth it, buddy.

Meanwhile, it is time for me to CALL GABRIEL OUT on being completely full of shit and thinking of nothing but his dick THIS WHOLE TIME, regardless of all his recent sanctimonious prattle.

Want proof? Oh yes, I have it. IRREFUTABLE, bitches.

Gabriel Miller: Asking for It

Click away, if you dare.

Posted by maise in maise_bites, pictures_of_you | Permalink

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Comments

Yes! Gabe in his awesome glory! Thanks Maise. The sexy frites revisted...I'm loving it!

Posted by: Tessah | May 7, 2007 3:22:22 AM

Ugh, this whole essay is about Gabriel's RANK HYPOCRISY, not his SMOKING HOTNESS! Jesus H!

Posted by: maise | May 7, 2007 3:57:26 AM

I feel kind of violated after looking through all of those.
And I have the strangest compulsion to go have a Savlon bath.

Blech.
Thanks Maise.

Posted by: RainbowVomit | May 7, 2007 8:23:41 AM

Get over yourself, Maise. Creating one more internet altar to yours truly isn't going to suddenly get you by my side at my next resistance meeting.

I haven't been posting because you all are FUCKING BORING.

And the resistance is slow going because NEIL CZERNO is proving himself to be HALF-ASSED at best.

Where the fuck are you Neil? Where's your big goddamned movement? Ooooh, you put some pictures in some cheap papers, neat on you; now what, bitch?

Posted by: Gabriel | May 7, 2007 10:42:43 AM

Well, maybe I don't NEED YOU to join the resistance! You ever think of that, Gabriel?

I happen to know that PETA has the biggest hard-on for me.

Posted by: maise | May 7, 2007 11:09:14 AM

Whatever. Instead of spending time protesting, or creating resistance art, what did you do?

You created a photo essay about me.

'Nuff said.

Posted by: Gabriel | May 7, 2007 11:15:53 AM

Interesting assembly ya have here. Stumbled across yer blog lookin for tidbits on year zero, tryin to decide whether to buy it or not, and from the small exchange above it seems Gabe is suffering from narcissism, hardcore.

Given his lack of emotional content, air of superiority, and focus on pleasing the self, he could be a psychopath, but then again since our environment is so twisted, it's possible he's just infected and not an actual carrier.

Speaking of resistance, if you want to fight power i highly suggest the linked material above. Learning and spreading awareness of these psychological deviants is one of the few peaceful means we have of combatting their rule on earth.

And if you want a really potent weapon - equip yourself with this.

Posted by: Cyre | May 7, 2007 11:42:39 AM

Yeah, it's like 28 Days Later, where a bunch of monkeys were strapped down watching acts of GENIUS, whilst being fellated by swedish supermodels. They subsequently became infected with GABE and I got bit.

Carrier my ass -- I'm the SOURCE, Cyre.

Posted by: Gabriel | May 7, 2007 12:25:13 PM

Maise, will you get real for a fucking minute?

I mean, I'm pretty impressed with your love letter to Gabriel and everything--I mean, seriously, when are the auditions for the role of "digital camera"; you know the pic I'm talking 'bout--but what did you plan to contribute to the resistance?

How was Fido going to fight for the alienated rights that dogs don't have? You're not a citizen. You can't vote, not even with your dollar. Were you going to advocate for the right to bear arms? The right to peacable assembly? Were you going to "scare" everyone by peeing in their beer?

Or were you really hoping to ghost hump Gabriel's leg yet again?

Posted by: JR | May 7, 2007 12:46:49 PM

Oh, and nice knuckles.

Posted by: JR | May 7, 2007 12:51:57 PM

Kudos, Maise.

You have captured Gabriel better than anyone, ever.

Bravo.

Posted by: Angelman | May 7, 2007 2:52:42 PM

.

Posted by: Gabriel | May 7, 2007 2:56:59 PM

Sounds like someone quoted a little Manson fellow...

Posted by: Hannah | May 7, 2007 3:00:34 PM

JR, I have VERY SPECIFIC PLANS to contribute to the Resistance in a meaningful way, the fruits of which you WILL see here first, so stay tuned.

Meanwhile, I am speaking truth to power right here at home.

Posted by: maise | May 7, 2007 4:32:23 PM

I think you're full of shit Maise. Yeah, I'm sure we'll all be waiting with baited breath at your specific plans about the resistance.

Whatever.

Posted by: Gabriel | May 7, 2007 5:01:52 PM

I will be addressing an audience whom NO ONE has thought about but who will ultimately determine the success of any resistance movement.

Posted by: maise | May 7, 2007 5:10:13 PM

I'm sure your Ode To Your Fictional Fleas will be just ASTOUNDING.

Posted by: Gabriel | May 7, 2007 5:27:07 PM

I have no parasites, except for YOU.

Posted by: maise | May 7, 2007 5:56:39 PM

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN.

Posted by: Gabriel | May 7, 2007 6:58:52 PM

It's so boring around here since you haven't posted anything, Gabriel. Hit us with your brilliance stick. Please?

Posted by: JR | May 7, 2007 7:23:48 PM

I love how everyone bitches how BORED they are without producing any fucking CONTENT.

Here's Maise, the tap-dancing dog juggling three flaming bowling balls while balancing a spinning plate on her nose! Sit back, relax, and throw a tomato at her if you're not sufficiently entertained!

Posted by: maise | May 7, 2007 7:54:09 PM

Have a scooby snack and calm down, Maise.

Posted by: JR | May 7, 2007 7:58:36 PM

What we need is some ETS-esque filter so that the words "I'm bored" are automatically replaced with "My syphilis really bums me out."

Posted by: maise | May 7, 2007 8:00:15 PM

I'd rather be bored than bitchy, Maise.

But let's talk about your unrequited love for Gabriel. That wouldn't be boring. I have a feeling that could be quite illuminating. Have you tried to put a little voodoo curse on him yet?

And in between bouts of boredom, I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out just who you were referring to when you referred to the "audience whom NO ONE has thought about but who will ultimately determine the success of any resistance movement."

Posted by: JR | May 7, 2007 8:05:39 PM

On the first topic, there is absolutely nothing to talk about.

On the second, you will find out soon enough, but care to take a guess?

Posted by: maise | May 7, 2007 8:14:01 PM

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