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2007.05.14

[It's_About_Fucking_Time]

What up, bitches. So as you probably know by now, after two cancelled shows Pastor Mike Reznor and his technicolor rock machine Nine Inch Nails resumed touring in Australia the last two nights. We've known things were going to be somewhat different this time around -- incorporating songs we'd all never heard before, such as "Last", "We're In This Together", "Into The Void", and whatnot -- which was a welcome change to the geriatic SNOOZEFEST of a setlist that was being trotted out during the With_Greatest_Hits tour of 2005-2006. But little did we know how different.

Last night, Nine Inch Nails played a show that did not include "Closer", "Hurt", or even (okay, this one sorta sucks) "Terrible Lie".

All I can say is, THANK FUCKING HACKEY SACKING CHRIST.

I guess you FINALLY realized that I was fucking right, Old Man -- it only took you two goddamned years. I mean, no matter how much you dress up "Closer" with "sweet" breakdowns like that one from "The Only Time", it's still a song we've heard exactly ONE BILLION, FOUR HUNDRED SEVENTY SIX THOUSAND, AND TWELVE TIMES. Same goes for "Hurt". Yeah, we know, you hurt yourself today, BLAHBLAHBLAH. Trust me, it was fucking boring all of us -- not just you.

But since you've decided to cut this shit from your set -- and by this action once again admitting you are a reader of mine (It's cool dude -- I like your shit, too) -- I've got some more suggestions for you...

Songs You Need To Fucking Quit It With
I Am Serious

a list of shit that will make Trent suck less, by Gabriel Miller

1. "Hyperpower!"
I don't care that this is from the new record, and I don't care that you think this is a "song". It sucks as the opening to the record (if it's a mood-setter, shouldn't the mood not be fist-raped by the bouncy "Beginning of the End"?), and even though I haven't seen it yet, I know for a fact it sucks live. Use "Pinion", and "Pinion" only. Bring back that fucking bedsheet even, and do your spooky shadow thing; I don't care. But "Hyperpower!" as been Hyperass since you revealed the title. Don't kid yourself.

2. "Something Damaged"
We all know you were fucked up when you made The Fragile, but seriously -- have you ever read your lyrics on this one? This is what Wierd Al would write if he were doing a NIN parody, only minus the irony. "Broken bruised forgotten sore / Too fucked up to care anymore"? Stabbing Westward called; they want their suck back. And yes, we all know you think you're clever because the song is in 9/4, or some other musical bullshit, so the dumb kids up front get all confused trying to mosh and trip on each other, but seriously -- just cause I can shit in 9/4 doesn't mean I should do it on a stage.

3. "Something I Can Never Have"
I love this song as much as anybody, but come on man -- you've got to be what, almost 50 now? Don't be such a fag.

4. "You Know What You Are"
Yes, I know what you are -- WASTING MY TIME. When I open up Garageband there's a demo song that's called "Hard As Nails" and it is this EXACT SONG. Obvious, boring and DUMB DUMB DUMB. Yes, the retarded 14-year-olds can sing along to it because pretty much the ENTIRE CHORUS is spelled out in the title of the song and it uses the FUCK WORD (oh, hooray) but this songs sucks like Marilyn Manson on Robin Finck. STOP IT.

5. "Eraser"
Okay, dude -- do we really need a 14-minute song of you wanking off playing cheesy 70's wah-wah disco guitar, only without the wah? And then the neat lyrics to this one; oh, POWERFUL! Maybe this was cool back in the day, but I seriously think these days you're just going backstage and changing out your colostomy back or something and want the extra time in case you spill. Eraser this from your laptop and GET ON WITH IT.

6. "Only"
This song rules on record. One of the best on Teeth. But sometime in rehearsals you apparently thought it would be a really good idea to change the whole thing over to a guitar based song, apparently so it could "suck more." Seriously, this is just embarassing live. I'm suprised the audience doesn't just turn their back on you so they don't have to see their idol fail so miserably in front of them. When it comes to thinking this song is good live, there is no us, there is only you.

7. "Help Me I Am In Hell"
See 1 and 5 above. Seriously dude, this is even less of a song that "Hyperass!" -- it was just something cool to listen to while you watched a guy eat flies. If you want to waste our time with it opening your set, and setting a tone of boredom, feel free, but in the middle of it all? What, is this your Axl Rose oxygen tank break?

8. "Starfuckers, Inc."
You know how I feel about this shit sandwich already. You've been doing good so far, but just like heroin, some things are easy to slip back into. Stay strong. You can do it. We believe in you.

9. "March of the Pigs (clapping mix)"
You can try to push it all you want, but you just look like a fucking tard at a county fair. The clapping DOES NOT WORK, it HAS NEVER WORKED, and it WILL NEVER WORK. We're all FINE with being your little piggies and whatnot, but dude -- KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE MIC AND YOUR CROTCH WHERE THEY GODDAMNED BELONG.

Seriously, you can rag on My Chemical Romance in the press all you want, but you know what they love to do live? LEAD THEIR FANS IN CLAPPING. That's right, bitch -- you're stealing shit from My Chemical Romance. Embarassed yet?

10. "Head Like A Hole"
Yes, it is the song that put NIN on the map for most people. Yes, it used to be a great way to close shows and get everybody excited. Yes, it kinda sorta is still relevant with the whole God Money thing (which cleverly is pretty ambigious and not really about anything specific). But Give It A Rest already. It comes at the same place in every show, is played the exact same way, we all know how it goes -- shit, we all know the individual backing parts at this point. When the audience can differentiate between Jeordie or Aaron fucking up their backing vocals, a song is overplayed.

I'm sure many of the little shit newbie fans that have jumped on board since WT would be just SO SAD, because "HLAH" is their FAVORTIST SONG EVER next to "Closer", but FUCK THEM. This song is played out -- I know it, therefore you know it, and certainly everybody that's seen you more than once knows it. Maybe if you tried something new with it, like doing it to a salsa beat or something it would have some life (I've got a Casio with some sweet beats on it, if you want to borrow) , but unless you plan to give it a radical facelift, DROP THIS SHIT FROM THE SETLIST. Not only will you stop boring the shit out of ME, but you'll suddenly feel a glowing warmth overtake your body -- that is what Mel Gibson likes to call FREEDOM, my man. Embrace it.

So there you go, Mike. Ten steps on how to kick some ass. You know what to do -- now don't be a douche.

Posted by Gabriel in gabriel's_ponderings | Permalink

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Comments

I officially quit this site.

Posted by: Angelman | May 14, 2007 12:53:30 PM

I officially quit this site.

Oh, you mean because we're actually ON TOPIC for once? Buh-bye! Thanks for flying!

Meanwhile, to this list I would like to add "Burn" because I hate how during a NIN show, it always opens strongly, but as soon as "Burn" starts playing I always feel a sinking sensation. The song is BORING AS SHIT, until the good part at the end, which is all too brief.

Posted by: maise | May 14, 2007 1:33:12 PM

Dude the clapping has gotten out of hand...
The March of the Pigs syndrome... You wake up the morning after a mind blowing NIN concert experience, ears still ringing and random bruises beginning to come into full bloom, the world is a good place. But then you remember, MotP... you didn’t want but you just went along with everybody else and... and... you clapped! Suddenly not sure how you will be able to meet your eyes in the mirror let alone leave the house because even though you look the same... you just know everyone will know!

(Somewhat Damaged rocks...Long live the angry 15 year old in all of us!)

Posted by: Adrienne | May 14, 2007 3:23:32 PM

I'd also like to add that I do enjoy "Eraser," but I hate the way that Trent and co. hide themselves. I'd like to watch them PLAY it, but they always take that time to hide themselves for Trent's pee break or whatnot.

Posted by: maise | May 14, 2007 6:29:10 PM

Wow, this must be a banner month or something here at WTC, because Gabe and I agree on another thing, especially regarding "March of the Pigs," during which I usually flip him off while he tries to get us to clap, and "Only."

EXCEPT that "Pastor" thing. FUCKING KNOCK IT OFF.

Posted by: emerald527 | May 14, 2007 7:19:05 PM

One thing I do agree with is that Trent kills everyone's buzz by placing "Help Me I'm in Hell" in the middle of the show.

And I can never recognize "Only" when I hear it live.

Posted by: maise | May 14, 2007 7:48:33 PM

Update from the Big Giant Head:

Posted on [05_13_2007]

As the climate grows more and more desperate for record labels, their answer to their mostly self-inflicted wounds seems to be to screw the consumer over even more. A couple of examples that quickly come to mind:

* The ABSURD retail pricing of Year Zero in Australia. Shame on you, UMG. Year Zero is selling for $34.99 Australian dollars ($29.10 US). No wonder people steal music. Avril Lavigne's record in the same store was $21.99 ($18.21 US).
By the way, when I asked a label rep about this his response was: "It's because we know you have a real core audience that will pay whatever it costs when you put something out - you know, true fans. It's the pop stuff we have to discount to get people to buy."
So... I guess as a reward for being a "true fan" you get ripped off.

* The dreaded EURO Maxi-single. Nothing but a consumer rip-off that I've been talked into my whole career. No more.

The point is, I am trying my best to make sure the music and items NIN puts in the marketplace have value, substance and are worth you considering purchasing. I am not allowing Capital G to be repackaged into several configurations that result in you getting ripped off.

We are planning a full-length remix collection of substance that will be announced soon.

I think this goes toward showing that Trent hasn't turned into a sellout squeezing his fanbase for all the bucks he can get before retiring. You keep on fighting the good fight Trent.

Gabe you going to let them diss you First Lady of Eyelinershire like that? You're woman's in the discount bin.

Posted by: Iris | May 14, 2007 7:59:48 PM

"You're" is a contraction, meaning "You are".

Not sure what you're trying to say with "You are woman is in the discount bin", but I dropped the cross-dressing fetish a long time ago.

Posted by: Gabriel | May 14, 2007 11:06:14 PM

Thank you, Gabriel. I laughed for the first time IN MONTHS at something posted to this site. Mean Dierdre says: Angelman? You suck.

And, about Burn: that song fucking ROCKS, and every time he stifles that first "burn" in the song I get chills of satisfaction. He can rock that in my UNDERWEAR for as long as he fucking well pleases. It's probably the only one of the old, "I'm fucking PISSSSSSSSED!!!!!" songs by Trent that still rings true for me.

And Gabriel? As much as it pains me to say it, I couldn't agree more with your assessment of "Something I Can Never Have" at this juncture. I mean, it's a classic and I love it, but... Yeah.

But, whatevs, you know? WHAT'S FUCKING NEW? I've been wondering why our man Trent doesn't drop the fucking deadweight and play the new material since [WITH_TEETH] came out.

Posted by: Dierdre | May 15, 2007 12:50:10 AM

i'm totally with you on "only". it just doesn't sound good. period. and the clapping during march of the pigs is dumb (for lack of a better word). can't the kiddies stomp or something?

re something i can never have: i went to a show 1.5 years back (around) with my ex-boyfriend (we had just broken up after 4 years of happy togethersome) and that song was played (with trent looking very solemn up on the stage, by himself, drowned in purple light). my ex proceeded to STARE at me the entire song, with THAT look no less, officially tainting any future listens of it. SICNH suck balls reznor! cut it.

Posted by: pal | May 15, 2007 5:00:23 AM

1. You call this parody, I call this your license to openly be the arsehole(s) you truly are.

2. The term "parody" doesn't make it one bit less obvious, that you are a bunch of wannabes, who, in another desperate attempt to appear "smart" and "original", use Trent Reznor's art and name to finally write (about) something, that more than the usual five people would actually care to read.

3. If this site is supposed to be an alternative to the "dumbass" NIN-sites, the only alternative element is, that it's the smartass-site.

4. Before Trent Reznor should stop anything you should fucking stop to embarass yourselves.

Posted by: Eve | May 15, 2007 6:23:10 AM

Don't you think you've missed Gabriel's point? It's not that he's saying the music sucks. In fact, he says at several points that the songs rock. Rather, I think the point he's trying to make is that for someone such as Trent, who has put out a vast collection of work over the past 20+ years, playing the same old songs gets old not just for Trent, but for the audience as well. It's not that they're bad; they're just the same over and over and over again. And it's not necessary for him to play the same thing over and over again when he's got so much good music to choose from. He shouldn't trot out just the songs that have gotten a lot of radio play to please his audience. Do we as an audience enjoy those classics? Sure. Do we need to hear them every time he plays? No. There is a fine line between playing old favorites to please your fans and becoming nothing more than a played-out nostalgia act.

Oh, and P.S., Eve. Proofreading--it's a skill.

Posted by: Gabe's GoGo Girl | May 15, 2007 6:43:32 AM

Oh Eve, where have you been, hon? It's been a while since we've had some good old fashioned hating on this site. To respond to you point by point:

1. I don't remember us saying anywhere that we weren't arseholes. EVERY nin fan is an arsehole...we're just more vocal and grammatical than most.

2. Your second point may be entirely true, but what does it say about you that you're actually taking the time to read and comment on this site?

3. This is probably the biggest compliment we're received in ages.

4. But Trent really DOES need to stop clapping during MOTP, and if you looked deep in your heart, you would agree with us.

Posted by: maise | May 15, 2007 8:26:24 AM

Dearest Eve:

1. Duh.

2. And here you are reading -- thanks, love!

3. Mission Accomplished.

4. Um, Trent dropped his two biggest hits from his setlist. Trent agrees with me. Thanks for playing.

Posted by: Gabriel | May 15, 2007 8:27:32 AM

You and I are way too in sync today, Maise.

Baby, bye, bye, bye!

Posted by: Gabriel | May 15, 2007 8:40:48 AM

I am the eye in the sky, looking at youuuuuu, I can read your mind...

Posted by: maise | May 15, 2007 9:14:09 AM

I have to admit I agreed with most of what Gaberiel said. The concert I saw circa With Teeth was awesome for the most part but really lame in the MIDDLE of the show, thanks to ''With-ah Teeth-ah''
I would like to add that Trent can stop hiding behind screens any day now. We get it ''it's about the music'' we understand. Now come out from hiding!

Posted by: heather | May 15, 2007 12:23:33 PM

Off Topic; did anyone listen to the interview with TR on TripleJ?

Short but sweet.

Posted by: Tessah | May 15, 2007 3:34:51 PM

It was a live stream from TripleJ radio in Sydney. There will probably be an MP3 available on the site later.

It was a pretty good interview. The DJs kept talking over TR so he had a hard time answering all their questions.

Click my name for a link to the site.


Posted by: Tessah | May 15, 2007 5:53:50 PM

... *snort*

I can't possibly agree any more with ALL of them. /Especially/ Eraser. I was never too fond of Further Down The Spiral anyway; sadly it had to be the first one of their CD's I picked up. Luckily I'd brought myself to buy With Teeth and was sucked in.

Anyway.

Only and HLAH are the only songs on there I somewhat like, but I can definitely live without. If any of the songs on this list came on if I got the chance to go to a live show, I'd be plugging my ears as soon as it came on.

Posted by: Everlyn | May 15, 2007 7:15:26 PM

Gabriel! Dude! You smoked out a REAL HATER! You rule, dude. All those mean things I said before about you sucking? I was wrong, baby. I love you.

And, Eve? We love you, too, but really, you aren't very bright, are you? This site stopped being a parody AGES ago. Gabriel isn't kidding, here sweetie, he REALLY MEANT THIS, albeit bitchier, a la Miller.

And, like Trent, Gabriel should rock on with his bad self.

Posted by: Dierdre | May 16, 2007 1:13:14 AM

> like Trent, Gabriel should rock on with his bad self.
Amen, sister! Wow. Thanks Gabriel, for making me re-realize why I check this site. While I don't agree with all of the songs you're sick of hearing live, I love the energy and sincerity expressed in your explanations.
The Triple J interview was a good one, for TR's lengthy, thoughtful responses and staggeringly sexy MORNING VOICE. My favorite quote was.. "we are already in a place of madness that seems inexplainable". (Trent on the likely socio-political atmosphere in the near future.)

Posted by: flyrabbit | May 16, 2007 5:41:30 AM

What I can't believe
is how something something funny was
posted here, at long last,

to practically
no comment. Where have all the
good times gone, people?

Gabriel may be
a fucking twat, but in his
last post, he addressed

a current topic in
NINsville with a magnum dose
of his potency,

and... Not much. What the?
I mean, come on, bitches; don't
even deny it

About "Hurt". That shit
is EXHAUSTED. Trent, baby?
Rock on, and rock smart.

All the rest of youse?
Grow some brains, would you? Or, at
least write some Haiku.

Posted by: Dierdre | May 16, 2007 7:13:55 AM

Wow. Just wow. "Don't be such a fag." I nearly choked on my doughnut.

Posted by: KittyKins | May 16, 2007 7:50:55 AM

Could folks possibly be holding out for some some sweet pics or adulation for the soon-to-be birthday boy?

Posted by: flyrabbit | May 16, 2007 7:54:49 AM

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