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2006.08.17

[Calling_All_Whores]

Okay, so apparently "Gabriel's Whore" isn't alone in her genius -- as it turns out, the last couple days have made it very clear that ALL of you sweet motherfuckers (and yes, even you too Jane, come taste the teat treat, piggy) are my whores. I mean, I knew you were my sweet bitches and all, but it wasn't until the discovery of The Lair of the Stank, a fansite dedicated to ME and consequent obsession took hold that I fully understood the scope of my reach.

Obviously, you all find catharsis in recognizing my genius en masse. So I think it's time we take another step (or, more appropriately, I take a step, and then you all follow behind me in one big mindless mass).

I would like to officially announce the formation of The Official Gabriel Miller Fanclub:

GabeFuckers, Inc.™.
All me, all awesome, all the time.

"But Gabriel, where is the official website?", you ask. "Where can we buy official GabeFuckers, Inc.™ merchandise?" Well that's the twist.

See, I'm not going to create the official web presence. I'm going to throw that straight up to Little Miss cutesy two shoes, Gabriel's Whore.

I know you're reading, GW, and I'm calling you out. You wanna fuck with pictures of me and post them all over the internet along with your crazy bullshit? Bring it, she bitch. Let's see what you're really made of.

Gabriel Out, nuccas.

Posted by Gabriel in gabriel's_ponderings | Permalink

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Comments

Jesus Christ. What the fuck is going on around here? I really like how we've got a whole post-9/11 theme going on around here, what with the website being called "WTC" and now you're calling out "GW".

Gabriel, just FYI: I will never taste your treats. That's written in stone.

Posted by: Jane | Aug 17, 2006 1:09:34 AM

Gabriel, your asshole is in full blossom.

In no way, shape or form could I ever--EVER--be classified as your "whore." I am your motherfucking manager, motherfucker, and I need you to stop tooling around with the fan club you invented FOR YOURSELF and learn how to play "Hava Nagila" because you have that Bar Mitzvah in Lexington, Kentucky THIS WEEKEND. Do not--DO NOT--make us look like assholes in this.

Posted by: maise | Aug 17, 2006 4:27:13 AM

Jesus Gabriel. I didn't think I would ever witness a man giving himself a blowjob but that was before I met you. You are your biggest whore.

Poor Maise is still [Without_T-Shirt]. It looks like you just might have to enlist the help of GW if you want to get some fully deserved recognition here. Has it really come to this. Poor, poor Maise...

Posted by: Iris | Aug 17, 2006 5:38:09 AM

And Gabriel, if you need any reminders about my place in your life, just look at what GW's rigged up here. Look, it says, "Gabriel Miller, Atticus Ross, and MANAGER." Not "Whore." Manager.

Never mind the fact that I appear to be looking reproachfully at you from a rumpled bed. The point is, don't you dare lump me in with your deranged "fans" or your multiple personalities or whatever the fuck.

Posted by: maise | Aug 17, 2006 7:26:36 AM

Maise, you deserve a cookie.

Posted by: JR | Aug 17, 2006 7:29:45 AM

"the last couple days have made it very clear that ALL of you sweet motherfuckers (and yes, even you too Jane, come taste the teat treat, piggy) are my whores.

Correction: at best, we are your bitches (especially Maise. Sorta.). Not your whores.

Posted by: JR | Aug 17, 2006 7:32:04 AM

JR, you're right. I do!

Gabriel, get your ass in the kitchen.

I like chocolate chip.

Posted by: maise | Aug 17, 2006 7:33:09 AM

Yeeeea, no sweetheart. I'm not your whore. I went out there kinda to laugh at her before I got back to my regularly programmed insanity.

Posted by: KittyKins | Aug 17, 2006 7:44:38 AM

What I hate is how Gabriel is making everything about HIM while I don't have internet access.

THIS WEBSITE IS ABOUT TRENT, BITCHES.

What did Gabriel tell you about feeding the trolls? I'm not sure he meant himself, but...

Posted by: Dierdre | Aug 17, 2006 7:48:18 AM

He didn't tell me anything about feeding trolls! Although my mother always told me not to stare at them.

And as to the caps lock proclamation, Yea? Where'd all the Trent-y goodness go? -pouts-

Posted by: KittyKins | Aug 17, 2006 8:00:47 AM

Yeah, it looks like I'm going to have to take some action on that front. Stay tuned...

Posted by: maise | Aug 17, 2006 8:27:07 AM

Thank you Maise. You are a Godsend.

Posted by: KittyKins | Aug 17, 2006 12:07:35 PM

"I mean, I knew you were my sweet bitches and all, but it wasn't until the discovery of The Lair of the Stank, a fansite dedicated to ME and consequent obsession took hold that I fully understood the scope of my reach."
I do not understand the syntax of this sentence. You are not so awesome after all.

Posted by: RL | Aug 17, 2006 12:13:00 PM

RL, you act like illogical sentence construction, typos, and missing punctuation are something new in my oeuvre. So either you're completely new to this scene (you're not), or you're willfully denying the feelings in your soul that I have indentified above.

Don't worry, your GabeFuckers, Inc. membership card is in the mail.

Oh, and Diedre -- nobody's making the readers talking about me instead of Trent. I'm just obviously more interesting. DUH.

Posted by: Gabriel | Aug 17, 2006 12:35:55 PM

....I think I should be offended by that last remark, except that I find it too funny.

Posted by: KittyKins | Aug 17, 2006 1:30:06 PM

He's just keeping it real; from the street.

Posted by: JR | Aug 17, 2006 1:43:28 PM

I still want a cookie.

Posted by: maise | Aug 17, 2006 1:44:18 PM

What is going on here? Feels like there has been a big brain drain...

Posted by: JR | Aug 17, 2006 2:45:32 PM

Gabriel is in his bedroom right now, dancing naked in front of a mirror and singing softly to himself.

Dierdre has sketchy internet access. She is plotting her revenge.

I'm a bit overloaded at work at the moment...but I'm plotting that new feature I've been talking about for AGES now.

Posted by: maise | Aug 17, 2006 2:51:02 PM

Fanfic? To compete with the Temple of FanFiction that is the (yes, brilliant) Lair of Stank?

That would be great!

Posted by: JR | Aug 17, 2006 2:55:32 PM

Eh, well I didn't start really paying attention to this blog (excepting "pictures of you, but that's mostly D's territory) until after you [kind of] left. It's just that I thought you and D were professional WRITERS, so what you type should at least make sense. Anyways, I didn't join Trent's fan club, so there's no chance I'd join yours. Then again, his costs money.

Posted by: RL | Aug 17, 2006 9:35:22 PM

Oooh, snap!

Posted by: maise | Aug 17, 2006 10:01:44 PM

Ok, people, I'm back in action, and I'M NOT HAPPY.

Posted by: Dierdre | Aug 18, 2006 8:35:07 AM

I guess now isn't the time to tell you about the extensive Walmart-esque store that has been established revolving entirely around Gabriel.

Posted by: maise | Aug 18, 2006 8:41:50 AM

Sweet Jesus H. Fucking Christ.

Posted by: Dierdre | Aug 18, 2006 8:47:26 AM

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