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2006.03.05

[Pictures_Of_You_#_19: The_Dear_Rob_Edition]

Dear Rob,

You've done it. You've finally posted a picture of TRENT REZNOR on nin.com.

Usually, all you have on offer there are pictures of the other guys in the "band" (and, who cares?), or pictures of a whole cast of rock 'n' roll cartoon characters, garishly lit, their bulgingly-muscled commander, arms out-stretched, resplendent at their helm. And, let's be clear: if Trent Reznor is captured photographically in any way, shape, or form, I will look at it; I'm not picky. However, despite the obvious wet-dreamy coolness of your camera and lenses, all the access and practice you get in aiming and shooting your magnificent subject, and as technically proficient as you clearly are, I always find it disappointing that there aren't more pictures of TRENT REZNOR; you know, where he isn't in the middle of a BIG ACT, but is just Trent, doing stuff that Trent does when he's not on a stage where we can all see him for ourselves. Seriously, Rob. What's the point if you're not going to show us something we can't see without your specially positioned eyes?

This latest offering, though, shows notre amour exactly as I love him most: sharp-eyed with concentration, working on something. Something wonderful, I would wager. Something that, should I ever be fortunate enough to hear it, might just thrill me more than anything else he's ever worked on, which is to say A FUCKING LOT. Oh, to be a fly on the wall in that room! Or, better yet, inside Trent's big, giant brain, watching the neurons fire their little electrical charges, and being able to somehow know exactly what paths they follow through the constellation of his memories, thoughts, emotions, desires, and proficiencies to align themselves in the production his beautiful work! Jesus Fucking Christ. I love that guy.

On top of that, there's that delicious bed, and there are no words in the English language to adequately express the scrumptious perfection of the image of Trent lying asleep in it, his dark hair and warm skin a stark contrast to it's cool, clean, whitness; his eyes closed softly, lips slightly parted, his breathing deep and peaceful. Oh, God. I can't even think of anything more delicious, and I am WRACKING MY BRAINS.

Then there's the dog! The dog who is allowed on the bed! The dog with its sweet, attentive face focused on its master, listening. The Dog! Jesus, THE DOG. What is it about the dog that makes you feel like you can see into Trent's heart when you look at it? Yes, yes. I know I'm insane, and that there is no math in what I'm saying, but I hope that while Trent lay in that bed, feverish, swallowing bits of glass, or drowning in phlegm, that his sweet dog licked his face, and rested it's delicate little chin on his thigh. I hope that dog looked at him with all the uncomplicated, unreserved love that can only come from the pure heart of a dog, and I hope that if he spent hours alone, suffering his illness like a man, that his dog was there to make it all a little less abject.

I know we have our differences, Rob, but all I'm saying is that, while I still think you don't have enough aesthetic sense, appreciation, love, or adequate humanist reverence in your frat-tastic Hollywood hipster heart to do your job as documentarian of that gorgeous creature ANY FUCKING JUSTICE, this latest picture is lovely; so thanks for posting it.

Love,
Dierdre

Posted by Dierdre ~ in dear_rob, pictures_of_you | Permalink

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Comments

but what if he snores? I guess you don't have to imagine that but i can't help it. A 40 year old man who's had a drug habit is bound to snore in my oppinion. I just know that i'd have to keep elbowing him in the ribs ever 5 minutes. But then i guess that sleep wouldn't really be the first thing on your mind if you got into bed with him, is it?

Posted by: Mel | Mar 5, 2006 7:21:28 AM

Oh hell, my husband snores...it's not insurmountable.

I also want to give props to Atticus Ross, bravely working side-by-side with Typhoid Trent.

Posted by: maise | Mar 5, 2006 7:31:20 AM

Typhoid Trent, thats great.

Dierdre, you write beautiful letters, I hope you know that.

Posted by: Nicole | Mar 5, 2006 9:49:50 AM

If Trent snores, it will be just another human foible to love him for. Personally, I like a nasal symphony. I think it's sweet. My current fling snores like a fucking freight train, and quite frankly, it doesn't bother me any. I wouldn't even elbow him in the ribs, I'd love the shit out of it.

Posted by: Dierdre | Mar 5, 2006 11:57:18 AM

Fucking hell, Dierdre. I think I just got a cavity.

Posted by: Jane | Mar 5, 2006 12:26:26 PM

Well, I wouldn't say that I *enjoy* the snoring. I just generally try to roll him over until he stops or I give up.

Dogs that snore, like Boston Terriers, are really cute until you're trying to sleep too.

Posted by: maise | Mar 5, 2006 12:43:20 PM

aw, my dog snores. i love it i even have a recording of him snoring and growling and running in his sleep. my mum and dad snore too- but that's a completly different story. i agree with diedre though on that if trent snores it would be cute and endearing. i'd be a little flaw that makes his genius even more amazing.

Posted by: Tori | Mar 5, 2006 1:15:11 PM

In my experience, loving the snoring is simply a matter of good will... and Boston Terriers, even if they snore, are FUCKING ADORABLE.

Having said that, a snoring man that you're mad at is pretty much TOTALLY INSUFFERABLE. But, how could you ever get mad at Trent?

LOL! Did I just say that??

Posted by: Dierdre | Mar 5, 2006 1:16:15 PM

snoring or not

how could you sleep next to trent, anyway?

i'd be awake all night, watching him sleep, wondering what he's dreaming about...

Posted by: b. | Mar 5, 2006 1:42:28 PM

edit/

actually, i would say that sleeping next to trent would be one of the most incredible sleeps this world could ever provide.

Posted by: b. | Mar 5, 2006 1:45:06 PM

Hey Dierdre! You're being ridiculed on THE SPIRAL. Apparently, this post is "a tad obsessive" and puke-worthy.

Nice going, you crazy bitch.

Posted by: Jane | Mar 5, 2006 1:58:49 PM

LOL...the Spiral!!!! Of all places!

I love it!!!!!!

Posted by: maise | Mar 5, 2006 2:45:18 PM

Oh please, please let this mean that we will have the illiterate angry mob bearing lit torches beating down our door. I'm out of practice...

Posted by: maise | Mar 5, 2006 2:46:44 PM

Though I wouldn't have put it in such flowery (or sugary, to riff off Jane's remark) language, I too enjoy pictures of Trent at work. I think I made my fetish for Fragile-era studio pics abundantly clear in the audience-participation haiku photo essay, so of course this is right up my alley.

Numbskulls from The Spiral storming our castle? I tell ya, there's nothing like a good old-fashioned flame war to brighten up a slow news day. I'll go boil the oil.

Posted by: emerald527 | Mar 5, 2006 4:42:38 PM

spiral people are dumbshits. i love trent reznor but.. come on. i wouldn't feel like a real fan if i didnt stand out in the cold, freezing my ass off.

Posted by: Tori | Mar 5, 2006 9:00:31 PM

Was that sugary? I didn't think it was. Purple, perhaps. Overly-romantic, maybe. But, sugary?

The Spiral people aren't coming with torches... but it's clear that more of 'em read WTC than admit it. That's cool if they wanna make fun. I don't mind a bit.

Posted by: Dierdre | Mar 5, 2006 9:20:19 PM

by the way, if you want the most addictive thing possible, go to youtube.com and search "nine inch nails" . unless, of course, you have a life. unlike me

Posted by: Jane C. | Mar 5, 2006 11:01:37 PM

Don't think I haven't totally already done that, Jane, and to be honest, I would say that I've got a little bit TOO MUCH of a life...

Posted by: Dierdre | Mar 6, 2006 2:37:49 AM

firstly, I snore even (ashma, allergies, my respiratory issues are pretty bad).

secondly, OMG, I love the doggy! (heart melting looking at that pic).

thirdly, glad Trent looks to be feeling better. Atlantic City here I come!

Posted by: bex | Mar 6, 2006 5:48:39 AM

Bex, I scoured your post for something to rail against, but found nothing. I suppose I'll have to restrict myself to saying "Hi."

I'll only add that if Trent snores while in the same room with me, I will put up with it, but if I happened to be sleeping in the same room with you, and you snored? I would elbow you in the ribs NON-STOP.

And finally, if you heart is melting, don't let it get all over the fucking place like a sticky, horrible popsicle left on a park bench by a sloppy child. That's gross.

Posted by: Jane | Mar 6, 2006 10:19:03 AM

Dierdre, I think you got it completely right in saying that Rob finally put up a good pic of Trent. I was sick of looking at pics of Trent in the dark or in bad lighting too ( and i'm not paying $60 a year for that crap, Rob!). I thought the dog on the bed was perfect! Maybe if i'm lucky I can be re-incarnated into one of Trent's dogs...or his tight pants ;o)

Posted by: Kimberly | Mar 6, 2006 10:32:05 AM

Happy Monday to you too Jane.

Kimberly...."...or his tight pants" LOL!!!

:)

Posted by: bex | Mar 6, 2006 11:04:35 AM

Perhaps as his dog, but with preternatural powers -- like the ability to understand human speech and read minds!

YES! THAT WOULD BE IDEAL!

Because, think about it: if you were his girlfriend, you'd probably have to deal with all kinds of ISSUES and you wouldn't be able to just know about everything that crosses his mind. He'd probably keep things to himself, etc. But, if you were his mind-reading, human-speech-understanding dog, you would get to know him absolutely through and through, and he would stroke you, pet you, love you, and let you sleep on the bed!!!

Brilliant. I'm in.

Posted by: Dierdre | Mar 6, 2006 11:58:42 AM

Sounds like a pretty good gig...hence, my pseudonym... ;)

Posted by: maise | Mar 6, 2006 12:11:45 PM

Yeah, just don't pee on the carpet and make Trent turn into the Incrdible Hulk...

Posted by: Jane | Mar 6, 2006 12:15:16 PM

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