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2006.02.27

[Call_&_Response_#_11]

Damn, you guys! Trent never blogs for us anymore, does he? Plus, reports are that he's still giving The Spiral folks The Silent Treatment. But, you know what? I think we all know what Trent wants to tell us, don't we? Let's write his blog and message board posts for him, shall we?

Our own Maise has a jumpstart on us. She claims that she could totally save Trent some valuable time by taking on the job herself, and that she'd even do it for free. Trent, if you're out there, I think you could really benefit from a deal like that...

Here's his blog, as penned by Maise, thus far:

[02_25_06]

That late-night trip to Denny's didn't sit so well with me.

2:23am_PST

[02_26_06]

I really want to like Bode Miller, but he keeps on choking and talking like a total douche.

1:45pm_PST

[02_27_06]

Grumpy.  Tired.

5:48pm_PST

[2_27_06]

I am drowning in mucus.

1:30am_PST

[2_28_06]

Some asshole in a Volvo totally cut off our bus just now. I flipped him off, but I don't think he saw me.

10:41am_PST

Not bad, I'd say.

Ok, so we all know his blogging style, right? Brief, cryptic, and faintly snide, right? In message board posts, I'd say that he runs more towards the pissed-off, defensive, and bitchy.

Let's see what you got.

Posted by Dierdre ~ in call_&_response / with_questions, wtc_guest_contributions | Permalink | Comments (62) | TrackBack

2006.02.24

[Concert_Review: Des_Moines,_IA_2-16-06]

by dearly esteemed WTC reader Iris

Review of the Des Moines show:  FUCKING AWESOME! 

We had GA tickets, and I had shelled out the $60 bucks for the spiral membership, so we got in about an hour early (though we missed the sound check because of the fucking freezing rain made us drive slow).  Moving Units came on, and they were okay.  I liked them much better then Autolux.  No one here seemed to be real into them, so I think they got kind of smart assed about it and thanked the audience for our attention, and said they weren’t used to such “highfaluting accommodations,” or something to that effect.  The joke fell flat, so they announced they would do one more song and then leave so we could see who we really came to the show for.  Crowd goes nuts.

Then there were the roadies.  Normally not something to really talk about there but there was an old lady roadie!  And I mean old but not the type of old woman that you might expect.  She didn’t show the usual signs that she’d been doing this for years.  You know the look that tough old broad who has probably drank, smoked, and fucked it all.  No, this woman looked like my Grandmother (no lie).  She looked so innocent, like she should be baking cookies, trimming the roses, going to church every Sunday, or wiping some snotty kid’s nose, only she was dressed all in black and moving microphones.  I totally flipped-out laughing!  So, at least now I know what I want to do when I retire.  Move over granny, I’m going to be your replacement one day!

Then Trent and Co. came out.  First time in the pit, and I can’t wait to do it again.  The minute they came out, everyone surged forward and everything else that I saw kind of came in spurts.  I remember getting splashed with water a couple of times, although I couldn’t say who was doing the throwing.  We were pretty much between Trent and Aaron.  I think it was Aaron spitting water.  Ehh...whatever.  Trent looked and sounded amazing. Here's the set list.  There’s a song that when he sings his body is sideways to the audience and he bends to his knees and then bends back as far as he can a lot during it.  Well, that little t-shirt he wore crept up a bit and I caught a glimpse of that sweet spot of a man’s hip.  Don’t know exactly how to describe it, but check out the arrow. I think that might have been during “Terrible Lie”.  Anyhow, totally HOT!  Then, after the song was over, he was walking towards the backstage and I saw him hitch his britches up.  There was something so endearing about that.  So humanizing, you know?  Man’s gotta adjust his pants every now and then.  I get caught up in stupid shit like that.

Anyways, after “The Big Comedown” he was particularly chatty with the audience.  All this is from what I can remember, but he thanked us for coming out, even though there was some shitty weather happening.  He said that it was “great to back on tour, and great to be back here in Iowa… fuck… wait… I can’t remember if we’ve ever fucking been here.  (chuckles) Anyhow you’re a great audience… we feel it you know… the love. Yeah.”  That part I laughed to because of all our discussion on WTC about the different types of love there are.  It made me wonder if he really does read this stuff.  Hahaha.  Then he said “that band Slipknot is from here, right?  Yeah.  Cool band.  Great music.  We had the unfortunate experience of going on after them in Japan.  It sucked, 'cause the crowd was already wiped out by the time we went on.  (laughs)  This next song is one of my favorites.  It’s off the Natural Born Killers soundtrack.  It’s called Burn”.  I know you like that one D., and as you described during the KROQ show “that first restrained 'burn,' and the way you can totally feel the way it's all about to fucking bust wide open in just a fucking minute” And indeed, all hell did break loose after that.

The sheer curtain came down either during, or right after “Eraser”, and they played the videos on it.  Then, at the end of “Right Where It Belongs”, you could see him behind the curtain *throw* the mic stand at the curtain as the glass in the video breaks.  Of course he doesn’t really throw the mic stand, but it was still funny to see the guy in front of me duck.  “Beside You In Time” sounded great.  Just listening to that song at home with my headphones makes my heart have irregular rhythms because of the beat.  Hearing it and feeling it played live was unimaginable.  Cheesy as it might sound, I thought I was going to pass out.

I think he talked some more between “Wish” and “Only”.  I think it was only to say that it was off the new album.  I was dealing with other problems during that part, as my hubby was trying to keep me from getting in a fist fight with this dude that wouldn’t fucking back off.  I took my fair share of being groped and shoved from this guy (I wasn’t so naive to think that wouldn’t somewhat happen) but enough was enough.  I caught an ear full from my hubby, and from this dude, for taking a swing at him, but a girl’s gotta get her point across somehow.  And, he did back off a bit after that.  I’ve still got the bruises under my arm from where he kept trying to pull me all over the place.

I was surprised we got “Starfuckers”, and I was so fucking wiped out at the very end of it all.  The cool air conditioning felt great. Breathing in, and water never tasted so sweet.  I was on cloud 9 from an excellent show.  Reality set in real quick, though, after we went outside into the 0 degree weather, and I realized my clothes were soaked through with my, and whoever else’s, sweat.  I was going to go to the Kansas City show, too, but I couldn’t find anyone else to travel with.  Probably a good thing cause it feels like I’ve been on death’s door since Sunday from this sinus/sore-throat/flu thing.  Anyways…incredible show, good audience (no fuck heads throwing shit), and I can’t wait til the next time I can see them. 

Who’s with me?!?

Posted by Dierdre ~ in live_inch_nails, wtc_guest_contributions | Permalink | Comments (49) | TrackBack

2006.02.22

[NIN_Libs_#_1: UPDATED]

This just in from beloved WTC reader Maise!

Here are the rules: pick one blank to fill in until all are accounted for.  First come, first served (Unless everyone uses the word "penis"...then we'll make an executive decision to ignore their phallic obsession).

1) Song title
2) Body part
3) Noun
4) Expletive
5) NIN Song title
6) Food
7) Food
8) Food
9) Female celebrity
10) Noun
11) Liquid
12) Noun
13) Celebrity
14) Body part
15) Disease
16) Pasta
17) Liquid
18) Menial job
19) Celebrity
20) Expletive
21) Possible NIN album title
22) Noun
23) Adjective

All 23 items are in! Here's the [NIN_Lib]:

While singing (1) “Copacabana” one night, Trent was hit in the (2) biceps by a (3) poodle. (4) “Fuck or cunt!!!” he said, “That’s it! I quit! I’m tired of pouring my heart out to drunken cretins…it’s time to pursue my one, true passion—food!” And with that, Trent decided to pour all his time, money, and energy to open (5) Physical (You’re So) Café. The house specialties included raw (6) gummy bears, sauteed (7) pumpkin pie, and chocolate-covered (8) range-free water foul.

Trent’s first mistake was hiring (9) Winona Ryder as the hostess. She had a habit of misplacing customers’ (10) hand sanitizer and spilling (11) tequila on the (12) altoids of important restaurant critics. Perhaps Aaron North was not the best choice as a waiter. His enthusiasm for the job led to him kicking (13) Scott Speedman in the (14) epidermis. Trent wasn’t sure what ingredients sous chef Jeordie White was putting into his “special sauce,” but invariably, three weeks after eating at (5) Physical (You’re So) Café, all diners contracted (15) vaginitis. At least Alessandro could be counted on to cook up (16) tortellini with (17) Captain Morgan sauce (al dente, of course). Josh Freese wasn’t quite satisfied with his stint as busboy, dishwasher and (18) pedicurist. He noticed that the position had a high turnover rate.

After performing the Heimlich maneuver on (19) Brad Pitt with messy results, Trent said, (20) “Asshat!!! That’s it! I quit! Back to music for me!” Fortunately, the trauma and stress of the experience gave him lots of material he could draw upon for his next album, (21) “Dissonance” Hit singles from the album included “Head Like a (22) Cup of Coffee” and “(23) Fierce (With Salmonella).”

So, there you have it, NIN fans!

Posted by Dierdre ~ in wtc_guest_contributions | Permalink | Comments (43) | TrackBack

2006.02.21

[Dear_Trent_#_30]

Dear Trent,

I can only imagine how awesome it must be to attempt to present your work to an abjectly retarded throng of teeming rabble who throw shit at you, night after night for the better part of two years, but experiences on the NINternet have taught me that more than, say, 85% of your fans are as dumb as bags of hair, and can't even string together a coherent sentence. In light of the facts, I guess it's not that big a surprise that one of the chowderheads in the audience would say, "Uh... YEAH! NINE INCH FUCKING NAILS! WHOOOOOO!" and then decide that the best way to express his (or her) love would be to THROW SHIT AT YOUR FACE, but yeah... fuck those stupid motherfuckers.

All I can say, Trent, is that not only would I have returned your glittering gift of glistening amplitude (or, "microphone," whatever) that one time when Gabriel snagged it and shoved it into his underpants, but I think I can speak for all of us here at WTC when I say that we would never throw anything at you, EVER. I might blow you kisses or something, and yeah, I know I write this website, but really, not all of us are that fucking retarded.

I don't know what else to say, except that we love you, Sparklepants. Thank you for everything you do. I can't wait until it's over either.

Love,
Dierdre

***

Dear Cocksmack Idiot In Grand Rapids Who Thought It Would Be A Good Idea To Throw A Lighter At Trent's Face In The Middle Of His Performance,

Fuck you, you fucking fuck. Seriously.

Totally Reviling You,
Dierdre

Posted by Dierdre ~ in dear_trent, things_i_hate | Permalink | Comments (36) | TrackBack

2006.02.19

[Reflections_On_NIN.com]

Goddamn, people! Have you ever noticed how thoroughly we are Trent Reznor's little trained bitches? I mean, I'm not complaining here, because, as all of you know, if Trent Reznor wants to "train" me and make me his bitch, I am SO IN, but I think it's a good idea for us all to take a long, hard look at where we stand, because we are totally his little, obedient minions.

I'm going to skip over the topic of how he's been leading the audience in a whole Bon Jovi-style clapping experience during "March of the Pigs", because that topic has been fully documented and totally nailed by our highly esteemed cranky little bitch-face, Gabriel Miller. If our collective willingness to go along with retarded arena-rock clapping in the middle of a song about how much our fearless leader disdains us is not ample evidence for how completely we are his little piggies, then I don't know what is, because that shit is GAY, and I don't mean that in the cool, Aaron North sense; I mean that in the "OMG, I love Trent Reznor SO FUCKING MUCH I could literally DIE" kind of way, and let's admit it: that is GAY.

But, like I said, let's forget the clapping. Let's pretend it never happened, and that Trent is not TOTALLY MAKING FUN OF US. I want to talk to you for a minute about all the thrills currently taking place on the Nine Inch Nails Official Interbot Headquarters. Now, it's not new news to anyone that the Nine Inch Nails website is a slapdash affair. I mean, I like the little wires/digital decay theme as much as the next girl, but, aside from the way you can watch those breathtakingly brilliant performances from the "Still" sessions in the VISUALS section, and now that the ACCESS page is only for paying customers and will no longer contain droll little curiosities like Trent solving word problems, all work shown, I think we can all agree that there's very little reason to visit Uncle Trent at his webhole, because at nin.com, EVERYDAY IS EXACTLY THE SAME.

Well, NO MORE, piggies!

Now, everyday, on the splash page, there is a new blurry photo taken from a moving bus of wherever the fuck in B.F.E. the boyz are today with a NIN logo slapped over it, and in recent days, there seem to be a lots of new photos in the CURRENT section with pictures of things like Alessandro Cortini's emo haircut, or Aaron North flying. All I'm saying is, if it's not a picture of Trent, WHO CARES? But, back to the splash page: I know Gabriel thinks they stole the cool idea of taking pictures of shit like, say, the bottom of your grody bathroom sink to make a web banner from him, but WHATEVS. I say that by discussing it at all, we are really just scrambling to wolf down the scraps our master tosses us, via his number one flunkie, Rob Sheridan.

Now, being that I am such an obedient little bitch for Trent, regarding this picture:

Nindoggy

Can I just say how adorable it is that Trent's new dog, his rescued retired racing greyhound, is wearing a coat?

TRENT REZNOR is a man whose DOG WEARS A COAT.

Posted by Dierdre ~ in inside_dierdre | Permalink | Comments (31) | TrackBack

2006.02.17

[Look_Familiar?]

Todaycrop


Bannerb_copy


I'm just sayin.

Posted by Gabriel in gabriel's_ponderings | Permalink | Comments (29) | TrackBack

2006.02.16

[Dear_Trent_#_29]

Dear Trent,

I can't BELIEVE I completely forgot to send you a Valentine, Sparklepants. I know you aren't mad, though; I bet you're not the type to get his panties in a twist over something like that.

I, however, am just that type, apparently, and I spent Valentine's Day wondering why my boy du jour couldn't be bothered to text me a little "Happy VD," you know, even as JUST A JOKE. Perhaps he's trying to send me a subtle message as to the nature of our relationship? If so, he needn't have bothered, because OBVIOUSLY, I love only you, and baby? This is the last time some little fuckbuddy of mine is going to get in the way of our love.

I swear to God, Trent, every single day I come closer to forswearing earthly love forever in favor of a life of devout chastity wherein the lashing torrent of your aural masterworks are the soundtrack to my ecstasy, and your voice is the loving scourge that sears my very heart, and with which I eradicate any notion of veering from my one true path.

That's right: I mean my dedication to the Holy and Sacred Order of the Name of That Which I Can Never Have. Don't freak out, Daddy-o. If I want to be fucking crazy, that's my business. You just keep at yours, and I will survive. Somehow.

Speaking of which, I see you're back at it, huh? Good luck, baby. Rock their socks off. I'll just kick it here in my garret in currently dreary Paris, where I'll be mainlining chocolate, trusting my soul to the ice cream assasin, and crying into my vin rouge.

Love,
Dierdre

Posted by Dierdre ~ in dear_trent | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack

2006.02.14

[Tragic_Maise_Rocks_On]

We've got a guest contribution today, dear readers! WTC's own Ghost of Beloved Pets Past, Tragic Maise, writes in with a review of the NIN-stravaganza last week in Champaign, IL!

He Didn’t Even Eat the Salmon Mousse! 
NIN at Assembly Hall, Champaign, IL 2/10/06

Review and shitty camera phone pictures
by Maise

Oh, Trent, if you had stopped by Rosemont one more time, you, me, my husband, and the band could all have been kicking it at the Chili’s across the street from the Allstate Arena, eating boneless chicken wings and quesadillas.  But no, no.  This is the With_Great_Inconvenience tour 2006, so the husband and I made a 2.5-hour road trip to see the first show at the University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana.  Driving through central Illinois in February is not unlike a Buddhist exercise.   Flat land, no trees, not even any cornstalks in the field.  Emptiness and nothingness.  Om.  But spending time in Champaign-Urbana gave me a chance to reflect on all the ways that my university was, like, a thousand times better.

Oh, and in a show of continued commitment to our relationship, my husband and I signed a new two-year cell phone contract and upgraded our phones, so I was finally able to live my dream of taking really shitty, Rorschach-like pictures at a concert.  With some luck, I’ll be able to attach them here.

Assembly Hall:

This arena kind of reminds me of the mothership in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, especially when all lit up.  Fortunately for us, it’s not a particularly tall arena, so what I feared were “nosebleed” seats really weren’t so high up that I couldn’t see the stage.  Also, they only used about half or less of the available seating, which made the venue feel much more intimate than your typical Big Ten basketball stadium.  They only have bathrooms on the lower level, though, which sucks beyond belief.

The Opening Band:

Unlike some audiences who will be enjoying Saul Williams, we experienced the musical stylings of Moving Units.  They appear to specialize in playing fast-tempo songs in a really lethargic manner.  Kind of like the Strokes or Franz Ferdinand with zero charisma or stage presence.  But they weren’t painful to listen to either; perhaps they would be better served on a smaller stage.  Towards the end of the show, the lead singer apologized for the quality of his voice, explaining that he was sick.  Said my husband, “That’s a pretty poor excuse for sucking.”  You’ll have to excuse him for a lack of sympathy—he’s a cop.

Movingunits
Is this some sort of UFO sighting?  Nope, it’s the Moving Units on stage, from our vantage point.

The Band:

Jeordie White - Yeah, he was there.

Aaron North - With all of his roundhouse kicks or whatever he’s doing up there while wearing his “action jeans,” I have determined that he is the Chuck Norris of rock.  Every now and then, Trent would ram into him or perhaps smack him upside the head.  Christ, wouldn’t we all love to do that?  Still, no complaints about his performance.

Josh Freese - A HUGE improvement over Alex Carapetis.

Alessandro Cortini - Povero Alessandro!  Practically stuck backstage while running the International Space Station or nuclear submarines or whatever you’re doing with all those buttons and switches.  Are you pushed so far at the back of the stage because you’re so pretty?  I totally sympathize.  When I was in high school drama, I went from my 15 minutes of fame as “Patty” in You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown to a member of the so-called “Backstage Chorus” in Godspell.  God, it was so humiliating!  We were kept backstage for most of the show to sing back-up, but every now and then, they’d trot us out for the big numbers, like “Day by Day,” during which we had to kneel at the front of the stage and sing while doing sign language.  That was when I reached my personal nadir in terms of coolness.  So, Alessandro, I totally feel you.

Trent Reznor - Compared to the Chicago show of 10/07, when he apparently was exhausted with last-minute rehearsals, he was a lot more rested and energetic.  He seemed to be in a really jovial mood.  **Drool warning** Even though I was probably about a mile away from him, I could still see the sharp definition of his biceps and bowling-ball-like shoulders.   And no one in the history of rock has made tambourine-playing sexier (during “With Teeth” and “Every Day is Exactly the Same,” as I recall)... not even Davy Jones.

Trentisveryfaraway2
I swear to God, you can kind of see him in this picture.  In the middle…see?  There are his arms.

The Performance:

As compared to the Chicago show, I would say that there were a lot of improvements.  The show lasted a full two hours, and the band spent a lot less time behind the gauzy curtain.  Because, you know, if you spend too much time behind a curtain, you turn into the Gorillaz. I’m just saying.

There were a lot of surprises in the setlist, which you can probably find on ETS in a much accurate form than I could construct.  I was worried that the general strategy for this leg of the tour was going to be “Well, it’s all new to you hicks, so here’s our well-oiled routine.”  I felt that opening the show with “Mr. Self Destruct,” was a refreshing surprise.  Other “OMFG, I can’t believe I’m hearing this live” moments included “The Big Comedown” and “Please.”  Thank God he revisited “Sin” and “Gave Up,” as those songs have been particularly meaningful to me as of late.  I was also happy to hear “With Teeth” just because I strongly believe that one should play the titular song of the tour. 

At first I thought that Trent had this rule that he could only say the words “thank you” within the borders of Illinois.  However, in the middle of the show, he became downright chatty.  I paraphrased the following from memory, so apologies for any misquotes:

“I want to sincerely thank you for coming out tonight.  This is the first show of our new tour, and how long has it been—six weeks? Two months?  Anyway, the first few shows are always a little weird.  We’ve been recording songs for a new album…” [at this point the crowd erupts] “You haven’t heard it yet, so don’t yell.  It’s weird to be around people after being in that mindset.  So that feels a little funny, and then during “Eraser”, I started feeling funny.  So I puked up a piece of salmon, and I didn’t even eat salmon. I haven’t had salmon for a month.”

Awww…Trent.  I don’t know about you, but I find barfing to be extremely traumatic, and I’m so proud of him for being a trooper.  He didn’t miss a note while regurgitating.  If it were me, I would have made the following announcement: “Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.  I just totally barfed, so I’m afraid I have to stop the show immediately, lie down, and watch Lord of the Rings on DVD.  But that’s why Trent is a god of RAWK, and I am not.  I truly hope that he felt better after that because nothing is worse than having to travel with nausea.  It brings back memories of suffering a migraine on a train from Pompeii to Rome and puking up some gelato in the teeny-tiny bathroom.  Horrific.

Oh, and they’re still closing the show with “Head Like a Hole.”  So for future concert-goers, this song is your signal that Trent has finished aurally fucking you and that it’s time for you to put on your clothes and leave.  I promise you that you will not leave dissatisfied.  One of my most joyous concert experiences ever.  I think it helps that my personal life didn’t collapse immediately before this show.

Vaporized
And at this point in the show, Alessandro must have pressed the wrong button or flipped the wrong switch because an enormous burst of radiation vaporized everyone on stage.  It was so unbelievably tragic.

In Conclusion...

C and Gabriel be damned, I do love you, Trent.  [heavy sigh] No, not in the same way that I love my husband.  I have willingly gone to hell and back for the spouse, and I doubtlessly will have to do so again in the future.  But Trent has provided me with the soundtrack to my Orphic journey and has unwittingly kept me sane through some really heavy shit.  And that really means a lot to me.  Unless Trent is really into haikus, I don’t think that there is ever a way I could repay him for that, so I’ll just take this opportunity to say…thanks.  It was a fantastic show.  It was even worth leaving the Chicagoland metropolitan area.

Posted by Dierdre ~ in live_inch_nails, wtc_guest_contributions | Permalink | Comments (26) | TrackBack

2006.02.10

[Important_Breaking_NINternet_News]

This just in from tonight's NIN Spiral chat:

1. Trent has a new pet! He has adopted a retired racing greyhound (Awwww).

2. Trent claims that he always has fishnets on under the sparklepants, and says he's not on the verge of ditching the eyeliner.

3. Trent's favorite lovesong: "Save The Best For Last" by Vanessa Williams. "Gets me every time," quoth he.

4. Sorry, perverts, but the notorious and truly grody "Broken" movie will never be offered for sale. Your best option, according to Trent? "Just download the fucker."

5. What "space" is Trent in, writing his new record? "Angry and fed up."

(Thanks, good Spiral buddy.)

Posted by Dierdre ~ in inside_dierdre | Permalink | Comments (85) | TrackBack

[OMG! Now_He's_A_Movie_Star!!]

After his brilliant turn as Fat DeNiro in Bowie's Taxi Driver-inspired "I'm Afraid Of Americans" video, I think we all knew it was just a matter of time before our boy Michael T made his big break into the world of feature film acting.

After seeing some photos leaked today on Ain't It Cool News, I'm excited to announce that Sergeant Trent Reznor will be appearing in the upcoming X-Men 3!!!

Wolvereznor_3

I thought him getting bulked up was kinda over the top for the concert tour, but after seeing him in costume as Scary Goth Mutant #4, I totally understand his master plan!

Maybe he'll even do some songs for the soundtrack!!! This is gonna be the best movie EVER!

Posted by Gabriel in gabriel's_ponderings | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack