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Well, I've had a foray back into the land of dating.

I'd been steering clear, you know, ever since I left Michel on the eve of our planned nuptials and ran away to London, but I've had another little trip, and I'm returning from Romancia to tell you guys that, just like I thought, being in love with Trent from afar is a lot more satisfying than actually engaging in carnal gymnastics with some guy you just met after drinking 5 beers when everyone knows you have a three beer limit before actually puking.

I mean, sure; it's nice, every once in awhile, to actually GET LAID and everything, and there are real needs that can be satisfied by a skillfully wielded uh... instrument, but for the heart and soul, true love is the only food, and that's what I feel for Trent: TRUE MOTHERFUCKING LOVE.

Oh yeah, I can hear the haters laughing; talking about how my vagina is too close to my brain... don't they know that it's the exact opposite? As a matter of fact, I'm talking pure, spiritual love, right now. I am practically the fucking POPE at this moment, people. I am saying that feeling my soul correspond to the pure, transcendental poetry of another's is a consummation far more devoutly to be wished  than actual consummation. It's a pity, really, that I can't take vows of chastity, and get me to a nunnery in Trent's name -- The Convent of The Great Holy Name of That Which I Can Never Have. Awww, yeah. That would be the best. In MY convent, Meathead (and slavish minions), fingerbanging oneself while listening to rutting beast Trent pant through his ultra dirty cover of "Physical (You're So)" on repeat would be a HOLY FUCKING RITE.

Fuck you, haters. I hear you huffing with righteous indignation, and I think you are all a bunch of fucking pussies.

Mind you, gentle readers, I'm not saying I wouldn't be positively delighted to welcome the Royal Imperial Highness of My Heart, should he ever pay a visit to my Netherlands, but that's neither here nor there. What I love about Trent has precious little to do with the fact that he actually posseses a cock, for chrissakes. It's his BODY OF WORK I love, and of course, his everlasting SOUL.

I could easily subsist by holding that perfect vision of Trent's glorious, supernal luminosity with perfect focus in my third eye until the day I drop dead, and all I ever really need him to do is keep singing me songs in that voice that pierces me as surely as any actual TOOL ever could, and fills me, body and soul, with his incomparably mighty potency.


Posted by Dierdre ~ in unrequited_love | Permalink


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I'd join the sisterhood. Real-life love is fine and dandy, but it's also like open-heart surgery without anesthetic at times.

Posted by: maise | Jan 26, 2006 10:36:36 AM

I've just heard that TR's been working wth PETA. Oh my God i love him soooooooooo much right now. I can't tell you how much of a turn on it is for a man (especially such an undeniably sexy one at that)to show that he cares about animals. Ah, swoon... If he ever turns vegetarian (oh ok i don't know he isn't already but i'm guessing he's not)then i might have to go over to LA, and seriously give him one! (or at least think about it, lol)

Posted by: Mel | Jan 26, 2006 12:41:45 PM

Judging by his teeth alone, I'd say Trent is a carnivore. You don't waste incisors like that nibbling on a small plate of leaves and baby carrot sticks.

I'm with you maise. Only, I'd liken romantic love to consumption. The incipient stage is so pleasant... it's the full-blown disease that kicks your ass.

Onward ho! with the untouchable Industry boyfriends. After just seeing Underworld: Evolution, me and Scott Speedman are back together. It's amazing how you can pick up where you left off years ago just like it was yesterday.

Posted by: Baal Glyttr | Jan 26, 2006 1:12:22 PM

Fuck off, Baal, you glib bastard. My love is real. Trent is the only man in the world who can justify my love, and I will settle for NO FUCKING LESS, even if it means TOTAL CELIBACY!

You're right about those teeth, though; that bitch better eat meat.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jan 26, 2006 1:16:14 PM

Now I've got a craving for steak. (sorry, Mel)

But all this talk of teeth made me revisit your "With Teeth" photoessay, D. Sigh. One question, though...how...er...hard of a bite are you looking for? A nibble? Do you want bite impressions left in your skin? Do you want him to draw blood? I personally think nibbles are great, but once chunks of flesh are missing, a line has been crossed. Not to imply that that's what you're into...I'm just curious.

Call me vanilla*, but I'm so not up for physical pain in the bedroom. There's pain everywhere in the world, like the dentist's office. So when romance is in the air, I like to relax and enjoy myself, without a first-aid kit nearby.

*Vanilla is probably my favorite flavor, actually, if you use real vanilla. My husband makes this vanilla bean creme brulee that I swear to God makes me orgasm.

Posted by: maise | Jan 26, 2006 1:52:41 PM

Bite impressions, definitely. Occasional bruising would be fine, too -- you know, something to remember him by when I'm not UNDER THE TEETH, so to speak.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jan 26, 2006 2:10:07 PM

Gawker on Trent's PETA video:

So does this mean Trent Reznor no longer wants to fuck anybody like an animal?

Posted by: maise | Jan 26, 2006 5:10:49 PM

Man, is that all they could come up with for a tagline? Yawn.

Wonder if he'll tackle outsourcing next. Awesome...but doubtful...

Posted by: Rachel | Jan 26, 2006 8:13:32 PM

i cant watch that video it so horrible.
and i'm not gunna lie, i would much rather take a night with trent reznor then not. and i'd prefer it if he left bite marks. that'd be hot.

Posted by: Tori | Jan 26, 2006 8:26:02 PM

Is it wrong that Trent's face in that PETA video totally cracked me up?

Posted by: Jane | Jan 26, 2006 8:55:41 PM

I've decided I will not watch the vid, but I think it's cool that Trent's standing up for the things he believes in.

Everyone go home tonight/today and hug your companion animals!


Posted by: bex | Jan 27, 2006 5:41:27 AM

Puh-lease, people...I've said it before and I'll say it again. Trent jumping on the PETA bandwagon is just his pitch to be the next Tommy Lee or Kid Rock and get into Pamela Anderson's cleavage. I mean, come on...it's as transparent as her clear heels.

Posted by: Buttercup | Jan 27, 2006 5:56:57 AM

And Buttercup adds another level of horror to the whole situation...

Posted by: maise | Jan 27, 2006 6:44:40 AM

oh gawd, please don't say trent is going to be the next Kid Rock


Posted by: bex | Jan 27, 2006 8:20:23 AM

Dude. I LOVE KID ROCK. That song "Cowboy" is the SHIT. Also, "Devil Without a Cause".

I'm goin' PLAT-NUMB!

Do not front on that.

Posted by: Jane | Jan 27, 2006 8:36:50 AM

I love YouTube. I bet Trent *hates* it, but I love it.

My favorite is this strange little video of Trent in the Golden Age of Trent Hair recording "The Wretched." Why is it filmed with the weird green night vision? Does Trent sing in pitch blackness? He reminds me of some sort of bat with his glowing pupils, and he's looking all menacing, and it's hot as hell.

Posted by: maise | Jan 27, 2006 9:24:30 AM

Fucking hell, he is so hot. I love that one. You're not joking about the golden age of his hair. HOTT!

This one is quite good, too.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jan 27, 2006 9:31:41 AM

What was that line from A Christmas Story? "My old man worked in profanity the way some artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master." (Bonus Maise trivia: towards the beginning of the movie, my hometown is mentioned for a second.)

Anyway, this is a nice lengthy interview at Nothing Studios. So when Trent has the beard, is that post-detox and such nastiness? I know D loves the beard, but I wasn't a huge fan...but you do get to see TR's doggy in this one!

Posted by: maise | Jan 27, 2006 9:43:20 AM

I love the beard. I want that filthy bastard to rasp me. Also, you get the sense from that video that Trent has really clever fingers...

Posted by: Baal Glyttr | Jan 27, 2006 10:40:59 AM

Oh yeah, I can hear the haters laughing; talking about how my vagina is too close to my brain...

I don't think so... I thought it might be the other way around, actually.

I've had another little trip, and I'm returning from Romancia to tell you guys that, just like I thought, being in love with Trent from afar is a lot more satisfying than actually engaging in carnal gymnastics with some guy you just met after drinking 5 beers when everyone knows you have a three beer limit before actually puking.

I've noticed that you have a habit of phrasing romance/relationships in this way — essentially saying that everything you experience with men you know in real life is restricted to soulless fucking (for lack of a better description), while everything you imagine your relationship with T.R. (his professional persona, anyway) to be is primarily soulful and emotional.

Have you considered that there's no reason why the two need be mutually exclusive? Crushes are one thing, boyfriends another, but having a crush on your boyfriend is the best by far. Men need not be rich, surly and musically inclined to be appealing. Try, it you might like it!

Woah, no more bong rips before 5.

Posted by: C | Jan 27, 2006 12:40:00 PM

Dang! Someone fix the ital tag in my previous post.

Posted by: C | Jan 27, 2006 12:41:22 PM

You and your italics fill me with irritation, C.

Let's see if this helps.

If it were so easy for Dierdre to find true love and happiness with a non-Trent member of the population, don't you think she'd be doing it?

Have a crush on her boyfriend? Why, of course! That fixes everything!

Posted by: maise | Jan 27, 2006 12:46:45 PM

I tried to help with the italics situation, but it didn't work. I guess we'll just have to say everything with emphasis for a while.


Posted by: maise | Jan 27, 2006 12:48:32 PM

Maise, I get the feeling you're just chock full of irritation ALL THE TIME. Awfully sarcastic for someone who's named herself after some dude's dog. Har de har har!

But anyway — there's nothing wrong with having a fantasy boyfriend/girlfriend, don't get me wrong. But I think having a long-term (as in years long) crush can be troublesome when it starts to interfere with your expectations of reality. When all you see is Trent Reznor (or Jessica Simpson, or Marilyn Manson, or Bono, or...) you start to think that's the ONLY thing that will get you off. It's never a bad thing to occasionally check yourself, just to make sure real life and fantasy life haven't gotten too enmeshed.

(By the way, I really am trying to bring this up politely. I'm on the "no Haterade" diet.)

Posted by: C | Jan 27, 2006 12:59:29 PM

Actually, I'm pretty pleasant and happy-go-lucky most of the time. Every now and then someone pisses me off with his/her pat solutions and Oprah-esque morals. "Love yourself! Accept reality for what it is! Lower your standards and be *happy*!"

Don't talk to Dierdre like she's a six-year-old. She can discuss the enmeshing and meaning of fantasy vs. reality at a level that is likely to be well over your head.

You want to talk about Real Love? I can tell you all about real fucking love. Storybook romance that is deeply meant by both partners but that blows up in their faces anyway. And then they sit there with the tatters and shards, wondering how to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. And the fact that they even try to stay together--that's real fucking love right there. But it just makes all the cliche, sappy trappings of romance seem like a farce.

You ever think, maybe Dierdre's been there before? Maybe she has her *reasons* for not giving her heart away willy-nilly? But I love the fact that she still dreams of something pure and undeniable. This isn't about *starfucking*, people. It's about believing that people can have a soulful connection in a world of medocrity and bullshit and compromise and manipulation. Fuck, I need to believe it too, while I'm sitting here with bits of eggshell all up in the omelette that's fallen on the kitchen floor.

And yes, folks, everything's FINE. Sometimes a bitch just has to be a bitch.

Posted by: maise | Jan 27, 2006 1:51:14 PM

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