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2006.01.31

[Dear_Rob: You_Suck]

Dear Rob,

It took me awhile to get around to giving a rat's ass about the latest round of NIN junk that will be obsessively collected by the people who never stop photographing and then wanking over their awesome hoards of NIN related garbage, namely, the latest round of lithographs commemorating the tour of small markets, but I finally did.

Normally, I'd be too busy looking for pictures that showcase Trent's pornographically sexy teeth and thinking deep thoughts about Kierkegaard and what not to be bothered with a bullshit topic like this, but seriously, Rob, are you fucking kidding? I know the usual response you get for your trouble in whipping up such things is a fat load of retards lining up on messageboards the NINternet over to enthusiastically slob your knob, but here at WTC, we are not about that, because frankly, I can barely comprehend how you still have a job. You must be cheap, or something.

Let's forget, for one moment, the embarrassingly venal milking it effrontery of making four concert lithographs that, displayed together, make up a complete image, thereby compelling those who scream "WHOOOOOO! NINE INCH FUCKIN' NAILS! WOOOOO!!!!" in your brilliant videos to spend more of their parents' money in an effort to be the ultimate collector, and let's forget the question of why anyone needs a fucking Nine Inch Nails BILLBOARD commemorating the never-ending [With_Teeth: Until_The_End_Of_The_World] tour. Let's just concentrate on the image itself, ok?

I'm no prude, but is it just me, or is there something about this bullshit right here that just REEKS of puerile imbecility?   

I don't know why I'm surprised. I mean, this is the work of the man who fucked a latex pussy in a plastic beer can and then proudly told the entire interweb all about it, produced this (not work safe) Christmas Card for the readers of his frat-tastic blog, and whose smugly self-congratulating tone in posts like this one (in fact, in every post) is only enhanced by the smarmy gambit of last minute self-reflexivity, but goddamn, that is just fucking retarded.

Yeah. I think I'll collect all four and hang a giant, NIN-branded COCK on my wall.

Cheers. Great idea.

Love,
Dierdre

Posted by Dierdre ~ in dear_rob | Permalink

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Comments

I don't understand how Trent can employ Bill "fucking genius" Viola for one tour, and then shell out money for Rob's lame, MTV-derivative bullshit the next.

Trent should just do his own visuals. He'd bring a lot more intellect to the procedure, I'm sure.

Posted by: Baal Glyttr | Jan 31, 2006 7:55:02 AM

Every time you take on Rob, I feel like we're all going to wake up with horses' heads in our beds.

Meh to lithographs in general. I could care less. I think it's kind of funny, though, that the obscure, backwoods venues get collective, not individual, lithographs.

Maybe we should make our own lithographs. That could be funny as shit.

Posted by: maise | Jan 31, 2006 8:32:19 AM

you make me laugh!

Posted by: james | Jan 31, 2006 8:41:01 AM

I think Maise hit the proverbial nail on the head.

Trank Raznallot presents

NINE INCH NAILS
[The_Cashing_It_In_But_Even_We_Think_
It's_So_Lame_At_This_Point_We_Can't_
Even_Really_Give_More_Than_Two_Shits_
About_It_Ourselves_(teeth)_Tour: 2006]

Posted by: Gabriel | Jan 31, 2006 10:00:31 AM

I hate to say this, Dierdre, but I think you're really letting a certain someone off the hook with this post.

Posted by: Jane | Jan 31, 2006 10:12:22 AM

I was looking forward to a personalized lithograph for my show. But oooh no, the south gets the ugly corner of the spectatularly shitty design Rob came up with.

Posted by: Kim | Jan 31, 2006 10:13:05 AM

I mean, would it be so hard to give Moline, Illinois its own lithograph? You don't even have to change the streaky, nonrepresentative picture. Just change the location name and date in the text box or whatever. I mean, Jesus Christ, the children of the corn need something to live for.

(And yes, I can joke about corn...I'm originally from fucking Indiana.)

Not that Rob doesn't *work very hard*...and I like both of my kneecaps, thanks.

Posted by: maise | Jan 31, 2006 10:13:46 AM

Don't be so paranoid, Maise. That pussy can't do a damned thing to your kneecaps.

Jane, you're right; I am.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jan 31, 2006 10:15:19 AM

But, D, 95% of my daily activities are fueled by paranoia. I wouldn't get anything done if I weren't in abject terror for my life, career, marriage, health, finances, family, friends, my immortal soul...

Posted by: maise | Jan 31, 2006 10:24:42 AM

The only thing Rob "works hard" at is strangling his monster.

Posted by: Baal Glyttr | Jan 31, 2006 10:27:59 AM

Ew. Do you think that's *his* microphallus pictured in the litho??? (photographed with a macro-lense, naturally).

Posted by: Baal Glyttr | Jan 31, 2006 10:31:20 AM

Well, Maise, let it go on this one. No one's kneecaps are going to get broken, and on top of that, this criticism of his fucking stupid work is 100% justified, so if he doesn't like it, he can suck my hog.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jan 31, 2006 10:38:11 AM

uhhhhh, yeah, the litho's are a bit lame this time around. i won't be adding either of the new ones to my collection.

Posted by: bex | Jan 31, 2006 10:45:38 AM

Whoa, okay...just some mafia jokes, geez. I personally like the idea of him as this shadowy, ominous figure who could send hoardes of fratboys here at any moment...

Posted by: maise | Jan 31, 2006 10:47:34 AM

A BIT LAME? Did you see the cock, Bex? That is A LOT LAME.

What part of a macro-ed up cock, revealed only by buying 4 fucking stupid, overpriced lithographs, is even the littlest bit NOT lame? And dudes, what the FUCK does that have to do with the whole point and aesthetic of Trent's latest output?

Is there a fucking CAPTIAN on the good ship NIN these days, or are the inmates running the ass-sylum?

Posted by: Dierdre | Jan 31, 2006 10:49:47 AM

Well, if you have to create a cock out of your lithographs, why not take a page from Hans Holbein?

It would be more fun if it were more hidden.

Posted by: maise | Jan 31, 2006 10:59:07 AM

Oh, someone on ETS said that Rob said that it's not (meant to be) a dick. Any thoughts on that, D?

Posted by: maise | Jan 31, 2006 11:11:30 AM

Look at it, Maise. If it's not meant to be a cock, then he needs to rethink that shit. It totally looks like nothing so much as a cock.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jan 31, 2006 11:19:22 AM

you guys are cracking me up today! actually, you guys do that most every day! thank you..I need it badly!!

:)

i agree with you all, there could have been a lot more done with these litho's...even if it was more economical to still have them by region. maybe tr should have made a contest...let the fans design lithos...the winners would get a free pair of tickets and the satisfaction of knowing their art was chosen. just a though..I have them sometimes.

:)

Posted by: bex | Jan 31, 2006 11:21:25 AM

Saith Bex:

i won't be adding either of the new ones to my collection.

"Either" means one of TWO options, Bex. Clearly, Rob has delivered himself of FOUR lithographs. The appropriate word choice would be "any."

As for your having thoughts, I think you ought to slow the fuck down, because having the fans design the lithographs is even stupider than letting a no-talent hack like Rob handle it.

Dierdre's right: Trent needs to hire a graphic designer worth his own salt.

Posted by: Jane | Jan 31, 2006 11:42:08 AM

Gabriel, despite the easy pace of your golden years of retirement, doesn't this want to make you exercise your Photoshop muscles? Please, please, please?

Posted by: maise | Jan 31, 2006 11:44:50 AM

Yes, gabe, what maise said.

Make some worthwhile lithos

Make me giggle, bitch!

Posted by: Nicole | Jan 31, 2006 11:58:48 AM

I think the precise problem with the new lithos is that they just provoke complete and abject APATHY. They don't even suck bad enough to really get me mad.

I saw them and gave a sort of soft, belabored sigh. And then I masturbated.

Posted by: Gabriel | Jan 31, 2006 12:09:37 PM

Rob sucks. I've never been impressed with his stuff — boring boring boring. Word on the street is he keeps a separate MySp4ce profile just for "groupies." It pains me to think he's getting blowjobs from 17-year-olds who just wanna look at rock stars up close.

So, yeah, not impressed. At last! Something we can all agree on!

Posted by: C | Jan 31, 2006 12:11:00 PM

Oh MAN. That really is a wiener. What a bummer for all those people who are gonna feel so proud of themselves for collecting each litho, then realize the sad truth when they step back and look at the finished product. Boo.

Posted by: C | Jan 31, 2006 12:13:30 PM

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