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2005.11.08

[Gabriel>Trent]

Yes, it's true folks. Given recent matters, I think it's just pretty damn obvious how much better I am than Trent Reznor. I mean seriously, just take a look:

Dumb Trent in Old Man Glasses

VS.

The Powerful Gabriel Miller Rocking

I know; when you see us right next to each other, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? Still, I know this realization will be hard on some of you. Therefore, I have compiled a quick reference guide for you all to look to in this time of transition. Fear not the change, and I hope my words bring you hope.

10 Reasons Why Gabriel Miller Is Awesomer Than Trent Reznor
by Gabriel Miller

10. I'm five-foot-eleven.

9. I have more hair (and what I have isn't DUMB).

8. I've never written lyrics that include "big black hole gonna eat me up someday".

7. My website totally kicks his website's ass (can you leave comments on his? Don't think so!)

6. I don't kick my drummers out of my band for having heart attacks.

5. I'm more fun because I can still drink beer.

4. I don't need to bulk on additional body mass to compensate for the size of my junk.

3. Which Archangel gets to blow the horn announcing Christ's return? (hint: it ain't Michael)

2. I reserve clapping only for tapings of "The Price Is Right" (which I don't attend because I am cool).

1. I'm not a homo.

Posted by Gabriel in gabriel's_ponderings | Permalink

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Comments

I like your style Gabriel.

Posted by: Dom | Nov 9, 2005 12:58:32 AM

There is pretty much NOTHING COOLER than Trent attending a taping of The Price Is Right because his grandfather wanted to go, jackhole.

Posted by: anonymous | Nov 9, 2005 1:46:05 AM

Oh my god, you fucking idiot. Are you rocking out in the bathroom mirror? Did you say you're "not a homo"?

Jesus Christ. Please, STOP.

Posted by: DUH! | Nov 9, 2005 1:57:36 AM

WTF?

Posted by: bex | Nov 9, 2005 6:14:54 AM

Ok. That was officially the funniest thing I have ever read. This is my favorite part:

10 Reasons Why Gabriel Miller Is Awesomer Than Trent Reznor
by Gabriel Miller

Does anyone want to take bets on the comparative satisfactions to be had re: Trent's junk vs. Gabriel's? If so, someone's gonna have to take one for team WTC and somehow conspire to get to know both of them in the biblical sense. Something tells me that it won't be difficult in Gabriel's case.

Trent might be another matter -- I'm not sure he's giving it away so cheap these days. Can I just say that I'm relieved that the rumor that he's been making out with half the mosh pit has been debunked?

PHEW.

Posted by: Jane | Nov 9, 2005 6:46:37 AM

PS. Is that the world famous "CHALICE OF REZNOR"?

Posted by: Jane | Nov 9, 2005 6:49:41 AM

Don't think Trent was overly intimate w/half the pit, however, someone in the pit did post pics they took during that episode. Hands were all over the man, but I'd hardly call it making out.

Gab, as for your topic, I don't know what to say.

Posted by: bex | Nov 9, 2005 7:18:15 AM

Where are the pictures, Bex?

Gabe. Trent looks better with his black oversized sunglasses than you do with those gold trimmed ones.

And wash your mirror!

Posted by: Kim | Nov 9, 2005 7:27:52 AM

Oh. My. God. You've finally done it, Gabriel. My head has finally exploded, and now my workspace is covered with bits of skull and brain and gore.

Where to begin?

First of all, that picture of Trent is SMOKING HOT. I especially love the "state trooper" sunglasses he's sporting. I too am glad that he didn't make out with the crowd in Pennsylvania; he doesn't need to be flaunting his utter inavailablity to me.

Thanks for the clearer picture of you, but I'm going to have to consult a therapist now. Is that a shower curtain in front of you? I'll give you props on your teeth; they seem to be very straight.

As far as the Gabriel challenge goes, I'll be happy to leave that to Mimi. Perhaps they can do the apocalyptic "horn-blowing" that Gabriel seems so enthused about.

And what's wrong with the Price Is Right? That show kicks ass! It used to be my favorite televised diversion when I was home sick in my school days. Plus, it was all the rage in my college dorm cafeteria at lunch. Didn't you see Happy Gilmore? Don't dis Bob Barker or he will whip your ass!

If, as Anonymous claims, Trent went with his grandfather, that is the sweetest, most Peter Parker-like thing ever, and it makes me LOVE him even more.

Now, Gabriel, I am most confused by your number one reason that you are allegedly awesomer than Trent. Why do I suspect that Trent has had a LOT more contact with the vagina than you? And if you're not gay, then what is this all about?

Or this?

[Please excuse any faulty linking...it's early]

And in closing, I would have to say that this is probably your most fucked-up post yet and that makes it my Official Favorite. It's not such a bad thing to have my head explode at 9:30 on an otherwise dull Wednesday morning. For any Python fans out there, I liken it to the "Confuse-a-Cat" sketch. Just the thing to shatter my state of ennui. Who loves her batshit insane little Liebchen? Maise does!

Posted by: maise | Nov 9, 2005 7:39:50 AM

It's all true about The Price Is Right. That's right, bitches. Give up the love.

Posted by: anonymous | Nov 9, 2005 7:47:31 AM

Pics from the alleged makeout session were posted on the spiral PHilly show thread. I could post a link, but those not a member, won't be able to see them.
:(

Posted by: bex | Nov 9, 2005 7:48:39 AM

Argh. I won't be a member of the Spiral until one of my friends or my asshole brother decides to fork over 30 bucks for my birthday/Christmas.

Posted by: Kim | Nov 9, 2005 7:55:09 AM

Bravo, mon cher! Bravo encore! I am pleased that you finally posted a picture of yourself so the world can see how tres beau you are vraiment. Les photos alone show how you are more handsome than notre amour these days. You did not need to list les raisons, even though, vraiment, they are all true. xxxx

As for maise, encore, cherie, I can see your jalousie coming out in your words. You should really learn to contain your emotions, as, how you say, green is not your colour.

Posted by: Mimi | Nov 9, 2005 8:25:41 AM

homophobe!

and you're wrong, buddy. dead wrong.

Posted by: GLAAD | Nov 9, 2005 9:08:05 AM

Dear GLAAD,

Please don't take offense at Gabriel's lunatic ramblings. He means no harm, and as can easily be discerned, he is a very, very confused boy.

Perhaps there are some helpful pamphlets you could send him?

Oh, and Mimi?

Although we were given no photographic evidence of the merits of Gabriel's "junk," it's all yours! My deep affection for the object of your amour fou is purely platonic.

Posted by: maise | Nov 9, 2005 9:29:30 AM

what happened to all of your underarm hair .. how old are you?

Posted by: bleh | Nov 9, 2005 10:51:50 AM

ROTFLMAO.

Posted by: Jane | Nov 9, 2005 11:01:05 AM

OMG, I'm in tears...

Posted by: maise | Nov 9, 2005 11:06:38 AM

Posted by: bex | Nov 9, 2005 11:23:10 AM

LMFAO. I wanted to say something similar earlier (more along the lines of "Dude, do you shave your underarms?"), but was too nice to do so.

Posted by: Kim | Nov 9, 2005 11:30:12 AM

Gabriel, you are hot. I would like you to do romance inside of me. I think of you all the time no clothes. But seriously, dude, STFU PLZ.

Posted by: Enid | Nov 9, 2005 1:01:25 PM

OH
MY
GOD

I have to see THAT the night before I see Trent? I will have nightmares. Is that really your taste in men, Mims? God help you and your future offspring...stay on the Pill, honey. Please.

On a POSITIVE NOTE, I want to send my congratulations to our own dear Kim, who got accepted to the college of her choice today!!! WOO-HOO!!! I'm only sorry you have to celebrate with such a...um...sight.

Posted by: Buttercup | Nov 9, 2005 1:20:33 PM

Congratulations, Kim! Enjoy EVERY SECOND of college because I'm here to tell you it never gets better than that. Maximum freedom + no *real* responsibility.** Then seven years later, you'll find yourself in a cubicle or office checking out topless Gabriel standing in the shower and wearing what appear to be opera gloves to keep yourself entertained. That's how low it goes.

**Responsibility disclaimer: study hard, don't drink too much, and stay the HELL away from the frat boys!

Posted by: maise | Nov 9, 2005 1:42:07 PM

Shakespeare wrote that comparisons are odious, Gabriel... but not nearly as odious as the sight of your pit.

ew.

bleh, I'm so jealous of your screen name. You rock!

Posted by: Baal Glyttr | Nov 9, 2005 1:46:35 PM

"Bleh" does rock. Perfect screen name for the perfect comment. So blase!

Posted by: maise | Nov 9, 2005 2:20:21 PM

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