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2005.11.17

[From_Miller_to_Meat: Apology_Accepted]

You know, the world ain't bad.

Maybe it's the approach of our American holiday Thanksgiving, where we celebrate all the generous help the indigenous people of North America lavished upon our ancestors (before said ancestors' germ-infested, raping, and murdering ways wiped them all out, leaving only colorful casinos behind), but everything seems pretty great lately. My best friend Dierdre is back here on the site, having narrowly averted a mistake of cataclismique proportions, Alex Carpediem has learned how to use the "tom" in his drumkit, so NIN can now play "Dead Souls" live, and Meathead has formally apologized to Wearing These Chains.

"But wait a second, Gabriel", you exclaim. "I never read any formal apology." Well, I say to you, then you don't know Meathead.

My name is Head.  Meat Head.

As we all know, Meathead writes a column for the nin hotline, where Meathead makes fun of Trent Reznor (or as he likes to call him sometimes, "Trank Rosner"). Sometimes he calls him dumb, or lazy, but it all comes from the place of really being a super huge geeked-out fan of Michael T. Reznor's in the first place.

Remember how in 3rd grade guys would pull the pigtails of the girls they secretly liked? It's kinda like that.

Well I'm sure you're all by now familiar with the fact that when I offered Meat some constructive criticism, it set off a retort, and then Meathead actually quit the internet because of it all. I was crushed. But then he showed up at the Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania show, wearing an official WTC t-shirt:

Meat DOES read!

At first I was confused -- why was Mr. Head wearing our shirt, the URL to the site prominently displayed? Wasn't he mad at us? Surely he must knew that by adding his delightful addition to our design, he was only -- aside from upsetting the balance of my meticulously crafted design work -- giving us "props", or "respect"... but wasn't I -- Gabriel Miller -- the very reason he quit his column in the first place? And then I realized what was going on.

He was pulling my pigtails. This was his way of apologizing. And after further examination it became clear why.

The MeatGraph

One of the main points of my dissertation against Meat was that his recent output had suffered from a general lack-of-laughness. Both in quantity and quality, Meat wasn't bringing the goods. But as the above graph demonstrates, after my post Meathead's creative output leapt an astounding Two Hundred and Twenty-Five Percent -- which even included a flash cartoon! The conclusion is obvious:

I am Meathead's muse.

So right on Meathead -- you keep on being meaty, and I'll keep on being myself, giving you that plateau to strive for. Who knows; maybe with my example to follow we can get your average up to 2 posts a week.

We can do it. Together. I believe in you.

Posted by Gabriel in gabriel's_ponderings | Permalink

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Comments

Oh thank God I took a few minutes from my *busy* and *rewarding* and *non-obsessive-compulsive* life to check WTC just *one* more time before doing all sorts of *exciting* and *involving* things with the rest of my evening.

Holy shit, Gabriel, I think you used Excel for this one!

Fantastic!

Well, let the games begin...

Posted by: maise | Nov 17, 2005 4:08:44 PM

I was about 3 feet away from MH in WB, maybe I should have walked over, intro'd myself and sent him your love Gab. Had I known he was wearing an offical WTC tshirt, I'd gotten a picture. Shit, none of my other pictures turned out. Maybe I should have taken some at the after concert Spiral PJ party I hosted in my hotel room.
:(
Next time.
:(

Posted by: bex | Nov 17, 2005 4:17:44 PM

Next time you have Pajama spiral party...

I'm so there! Popcorn, Trent, good times.

Gabe, you're the man.

Posted by: Nicole | Nov 17, 2005 5:17:49 PM

The next spiral pj party needs to be much bigger. we'll need to rent a hall or bigger space to fit everyone. Bring your sleeping bags, pillows, & pj's.

Members of the first annual PJ party said we should bring some extra feather pillows for a pillow fight.

Of course the male in our party said girls in "nighties" guys in boxers. LOL!

Sounds like fun to me!!!

:)

Posted by: bex | Nov 17, 2005 6:06:18 PM

I cringed for every minute I read this, so it must have been a good one. The graph rules. I think that needs to go on a t-shirt.

Posted by: Jane | Nov 17, 2005 10:40:09 PM

And I thought that that movie with the Asian girl mouthing her man's turd on the bathroom floor would be the most disgusting thing I'd ever see on the internet. Way to beat the odds! You should be proud, all of you.

Posted by: blackmonolith | Nov 18, 2005 3:53:42 AM

Gabriel, must you continue to beckon the hate? I guess we can only hope that this does not trigger another relentless onslaught of ungrammatical invective.

However, as I may have said before, as much as (Gabriel, Mimi and) I hoped that one of our readers would wear a WTC shirt to the rockshow, I never imagined it would be Meathead, of all people. If the way he scrawled "[FUCK]" on the front was supposed to sting us, I can only say that our reaction was howled laughter, and a big sense of MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

So, Thanks, Meat. We appreciate the gesture, and I have to say, I think that shirt business is the funniest thing on the MP in forverer, including the recent Charlie Clauser retread cartoon.

And, Gabriel? AWESOME graph.

Posted by: Dierdre | Nov 18, 2005 5:36:48 AM

Bonjour, mon cher Gabriel! I am very happy to see that you are utilizing notre lecons de langue to good usage. I am very proud of your very intelligent and, how you say, mature letter to Monsieur Tetedeviande. It is good to know, mon cher, that your transformation de vie has allowed you to be l'homme le plus grand in this issue.

Grosses bises, darling. xox

Posted by: Mimi | Nov 18, 2005 5:51:54 AM

Well, of *course* Meathead will send his minions here to attempt to abuse us and the English language, but apparently, it's an exercise that Meat and Gabe find mutually satisfying...

Uggggh, fell asleep in my contacts last night...

Posted by: maise | Nov 18, 2005 6:10:29 AM

Ugh, Maise! I hate it when that happens.

Appropos, perhaps, of this thread, do you remember that skit on Saturday Night Live where the two hicks would trade horrible stories?

1st Guy: You know when you... uh... you... um... take a piece of bologna, and you... uh...
Guy 2: STAPLE IT TO YOUR FACE???
1st Guy: Yeah!!! And then you... um... uh...
Guy 2: STICK YOUR HEAD INTO A BOWLFUL OF PIRANHAS?
1st Guy: Yeah, Oh God!
Together: I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS!

I dunno. It seemed appropriate.

Posted by: Dierdre | Nov 18, 2005 6:23:36 AM

Pleasant surprise today...I'm actually in a really good mood. The usual annoyances can be put off til next week, and I'm looking forward to the weekend. The husband and I are heading to the college alma mater to freeze our asses off at a football game and party in an attempt to relive my youth. Good thing too, as on Monday I will turn 203 in dog years. Yikes!

Posted by: maise | Nov 18, 2005 6:59:54 AM

Happy birthday, maise!

Gabriel, I have to say this post is a jewel in your crown, but you're begging the question of which of you is actually pulling the pigtails.

Correlative to that, I feel the need to express my extreme attraction to Meathead. He's got a thick adams apple, and who doesn't want to take a bite out of that? Sure, he looks like a total dork with itty bitty teeth, but *damn* I bet that boy is packing some heat.

And speaking of packing heat, I would like to congratulate blackmonolith for the titillating implication of his screen handle as well as his good grammar. If you're going to bring the hate, meatlovers, please use appropriate King's English.

Posted by: Baal Glyttr | Nov 18, 2005 7:22:38 AM

Happy Birthday Maise!!! A fellow Scorpio! Enjoy your weekend.

Posted by: bex | Nov 18, 2005 7:25:12 AM

Thanks, all!

Yeah, I love the Perspective and all (except for the current Sweeney fixation...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...), but I don't so much have a crush on him. I think I'm just becoming resigned to the fact that his apparent animal magnetism makes everyone else swoon, though...

Posted by: maise | Nov 18, 2005 7:35:33 AM

I am SO with you, Baal, about the adam's apple. I fucking LOVE a good adam's apple. That's one thing Trent, god bless him, simply hasn't got, especially now, what with that phantasmagorical neck girth he's working.

Posted by: Jane | Nov 18, 2005 7:50:44 AM

Bah, maise! You're a young pup. If I were a dog, at my age, I would be 5 in human years. Though I'm that age mentally anyways...so quit yer whining and have fun at that great American pastime, which I so don't understand. At least we Canadians figured out how to put a winter sport inside so we can take off our coats while our ice and our beer stay cold.

And happy belated, bex. Damn Scorpios...er, I uh mean, aren't they GREAT!!! :-) (are you kidding? I'm not stupid - I don't want to wake up with a horse's head in my bed one morning for some diss I made about Scorpios on a NINternet fansite.)

Speaking of which, am I supposed to comment on this column?

Posted by: Buttercup | Nov 18, 2005 7:51:43 AM

Maise, I wasn't attracted to Sweeny either. He, Leo, TR's personal trainer, none of the crew, EXCEPT, PORKCHOP RULZZZZZ!
:)
I liked the Chop man!

OMFG, Jane, phantasmagorical neck girth ?? I love it (the description, not the loss of ones neck)! Trent needs to layoff the weights a bit. Between losing his neck & his arms exploding, he looks like a sexy version of RAMBO!

BC, no horses head in the bed for you. You can pick on me all you want. For only 3 hours of sleep, I'm in a great mood today! And I agree with you about the indoor pasttimes..this time of the year especially. A match & a cold beer sounds pretty tasty right now!

:)

Posted by: bex | Nov 18, 2005 8:02:12 AM

Really, I'm more of a basketball/baseball kind of girl, but I'm just in this for the tailgating and boozing.

Look, if Trent's neck has to be bigger than his head to create those fucking fantastic arms and shoulders, then that's an acceptable sacrifice.

While driving to the grocery store, I realized that if Meathead is the Norman Mailer of the "ninternet," then I guess Gabriel would be the Gore Vidal, and maybe I can crown myself Truman Capote, because he generally seemed like more fun.

Posted by: maise | Nov 18, 2005 8:25:03 AM

Maise, I think we already established that Trent needs that neck to support his big giant brain. Come on, man. Get with the program.

And, I'm bummed! If Meat is Norman Mailer, Gabriel is Gore Vidal, and you get to fucking be Truman Capote, then what about me and Mimi?! Are we chopped liver?

Posted by: Dierdre | Nov 18, 2005 8:35:38 AM

My God! Meathead is sooooooo ugly! He should star in horror films. He looks like a skull.

Posted by: monkey13 | Nov 18, 2005 9:04:30 AM

Don't worry, there are *plenty* of bitchy literary figures to go around...I'm working on it...

Posted by: maise | Nov 18, 2005 9:09:58 AM

If Mimi isn't Simone de Beauvoir, then I don't know what.

I'm still working on you, Dierdre...I need someone *good*.

Posted by: maise | Nov 18, 2005 9:13:25 AM

And as for you, Dierdre, I can't decide if you're the "ninternet"'s Anais Nin or Eudora Welty.

Posted by: maise | Nov 18, 2005 9:17:42 AM

jesus.

meathead is seriously, staggeringly ugly.

poor boy.

Posted by: kelby | Nov 18, 2005 10:06:17 AM

I vote for Anais Nin for D!

Maise, I'm a baseball girl. Warm weather, beer, hot dogs, pretzels. Also, most of those guys are in great shape and look smoking hot in those tight pants!

Posted by: bex | Nov 18, 2005 10:13:56 AM

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