So, yeah: I'm getting married. His name is Michel. He's been a good friend and a mentor to me for a long time. I totally credit my encounter with your erect nipple in London with bringing us together finally, in the biblical sense.
Sadly though, and despite that, he is not a fan. Michel thinks your music lacks subtety, your writing is childish, and your emotion is false. He says hysteria is for women, and he can't imagine how any man would be anything but embarrassed by your caterwauling. He also says I should give up my "ridiculous" devotion to you for the sake of my own work, and for him.
We're set to tie the knot in Michel's hometown, Landerneau, in Brittany, on Christmas Eve.
Obviously, he's totally wrong about the sheer genius of your work, but I suppose he's right about the giving you up part. I want to make him feel like he has all my love. There's a lot to be said for a lover in one's bed, as opposed to one's imagination, but I'm torn. It's strange to say it, but sometimes the way you live in my heart feels so inexorable and real, while all of this with Michel seems only as lovely as a dream. I know it should be the opposite. What's wrong with me? Maybe it's only because you've been there for so long, and Michel has only moved in recently, but sometimes, when he touches me, I close my eyes and think of your hands. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry about all that bitching I felt compelled to do the other day. I was in a bad mood, and I hate missing your [Sparklepants_2005:_With_Muscles] tour. Most of all, I can't believe I impugned your aesthetic integrity. Baby, I so didn't mean it. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Also, I did browse all the photos on The Spiral, and I am glad to see that, at the very least, judging from how many core-achingly delicious pictures he has posted of them, Mr. Sheridan seems to realize that your teeth are FUCKING HOT. Plus, that one shot from Detroit that features your fantastically hairy shoulder so prominently?
Oh, my fucking God. I came; I swear.
I'm not sure I really can wash you out of the dirtiest recesses of my mind. If you could help me out by scaling it back a little on the heretofore unimaginable sexiness, that would be great. Maybe a shirt with sleeves? Otherwise, this project of giving you up may turn out to be not unlike the futile labors of Sisyphus.
But, I suppose I've got to try.
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Awww, D. I'm gonna cry. Seriously, I'm choked up. Call it bridesmaid syndrome if you want. I call it a bitter cocktail of jealousy (you've found someone!) and cynicism (I never will!).
But, who's going to carry the torch with such gusto and abandon as you have? Who's going to write love letters with "turgid, purple prose" and construct photo essays which never fail to amuse me?
Oh, and Christmas Eve? I was expecting early next year at the very earliest. *shrug*
Posted by: emerald527 | Oct 15, 2005 4:50:50 PM
D., I wish you all the best.
I do have one piece of advice. It is not telling you what to do with your life or anything, but it is advice on you, for yourself.
Don't ever stop being who you are for ANY man, woman, person, whoever! Speaking from experience, it's not a good idea to lose who you are.
Be true to yourself and anyone that truly loves you will accept you the way you are. They might think you can be silly, may not understand everything about you, but they will love & accept you none the less.
big OOOXXX's to you.
(sorry Jane, but this is a serious topic and I've gotta be me).
Posted by: bex | Oct 15, 2005 5:53:44 PM
I'm at a loss for words (partly because my brain is no longer functioning), but I hope that no matter what you ultimately wind up doing, that you'll be happy, D.
Anyway! Since I won't be able to pop up and say "Surprise!" at the wedding, I expect some pictures. :D
And since you mentioned Spiral pictures... could any WTCer who's a Spiral member save and send the pictures to me? I'll love you forever and ever (not that I don't already).
Posted by: Kim | Oct 15, 2005 7:35:05 PM
Dierdre, I'm sorry, but I'm starting to think Michel sounds like... uh... how do you say... "une vieille bique"?
I can't believe you would marry anyone who would accuse "notre amour" of caterwauling. Are you fucking crazy?
And, Bex? Quit being yourself.
Posted by: Jane | Oct 16, 2005 1:33:14 AM
This is awesome, I love it when the content on this site begins to blur the line between entertainment and mindfuck.
Posted by: Roth | Oct 16, 2005 2:34:06 AM
At least you've finally told our readers what a douchebag you've taken up with, Little Ms. SELL OUT.
I'm so disappointed in you. Fucking hell.
Posted by: Gabriel | Oct 16, 2005 3:37:56 AM
Thanks for your kind words, everyone.
Jane, if this website has taught you nothing else whatsoever, it should have been that I have a soft spot for "les vieilles biques."
Roth, I have no idea what you can possibly mean by that, but if you're entertained, I'm happy.
Gabriel, that's all you got, bitch? Pathetic.
Posted by: Dierdre | Oct 16, 2005 5:52:29 AM
Ah, ma cherie. But this is the price of l'amour, yes? The great dilemma - do we hold on to the love that is certain and unreal or do we hold on to the love that is uncertain and real? It is a difficult decision. Mais, je t'en prie, cherie, remember to keep a piece of notre amour in your heart, as soon, very soon, Michel will realise that the reason why he fell in love with you is because of your full passions for the things that you love. It is only natural for him to be jealous of a love that is intangible because he does not understand. I am sure if you take him out to la petite creperie right next to the Louvre for le petit dejeuner demain, and you explain over a cafe au lait and des crepes aux fraises that the love that you have found with him is the love that you will never find with someone unattainable but yet it is this unattainability that he is jealous of without reason and this is why he loves you and you love him, all will be joyeux au monde very soon. After all, it is your destiny to be with Michel, otherwise you would never have found each other, n'est-ce pas?
Posted by: Mimi | Oct 16, 2005 9:49:56 AM
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Do NOT by any means give up your love and devotion for Trent and his music for your man. I mean, you probably should scale it back a bit--no nipple touching or sweat-licking from hereon--but there are a MILLION ways to be quietly obsessed. I mean, how the hell would I have found this place otherwise?
Michel doesn't have to love or even like NIN, but he should love and respect the part of you that does. You have to be able to have your own personality and interests.
Besides, he owes Trent big time for creating conditions ripe for an initial hookup. Trent should be the best fucking man at the wedding. Or at least give the bride away. He should write a letter of thanks to Trent and seal it with a kiss for creating music that will be an instant turn-on for you. As an old married lady, I can tell you that *everyone* needs some kind of fantasy to make it through the years. Sex with one person doesn't get any more novel as time goes by. What else are you going to do in bed? Lie there while you mentally compile a grocery list?
Everything in moderation, that's what I say. If you give up NIN entirely, I think you will regret it. Any man who tried to tell me to give up my interests and obsessions would be laughed out of the room.
Posted by: maise | Oct 16, 2005 1:15:06 PM
Hey maise, I've come up with some of my best grocery lists while in bed with past exes. Hence the reason why they're exes.
Now Dierdre, what the hell is wrong with you? You have to make a decision. If I were Michel, I'd totally take away your internet privileges. I mean, would you like it if you walked in on him looking at internet porn of girls with really hairy pits? If that bugs you, and you expect him to give it up, then you gotta give up this shit with Trent, which acts as your porn outlet. If you don't care if Michel likes the Hairy Girls of Bavaria internet series, then you gotta tell him that what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Either way, D, you have to make up your mind. What is it exactly that you want out of this marriage? You're not exactly providing Michel with security if you keep running back to Trent.
Posted by: Buttercup_J | Oct 16, 2005 1:33:20 PM
But, BC, she's not *really* running back to Trent. She is compulsively writing about Trent, but then, so am I, and it is not interfering in my personal relationships. (Actually, I'm not so obsessed with Trent as I am obsessed with people who are obsessed with Trent, and how wrong is that?!)
Let's just use a silly non-Trent example to clarify things. I really like the movie "Donnie Darko." I've watched it several times, and I own it on DVD. I spent a lot of time on the internet trying to figure out what the hell happened afterwards. I bought the soundtrack and score (as an import because you can't get the soundtrack in the U.S. for some reason). I plan to see Richard Kelly's next movie (although I don't know if I have the patience for "Domino," since he only did the screenplay). Now if my husband were to say, "You can't like both me *and* the film 'Donnie Darko,' so I'm afraid that you'll have to toss the DVD out the window." My response would be "WTF is wrong with you?" Sure, Dierdre's demonstrably more into Trent than I am into "Donnie Darko," but still...it's not like she has Trent on speed dial or something. She's not trying to stalk him...she just admires him from afar.
Michel will be her husband and her best friend and confidante and mentor and paramour, but unless he's a musician, he doesn't have to be the King of her Musical World. She should be free to like what she likes. Because if he can dictate her musical choices, he can dictate a whole lot more.
Posted by: maise | Oct 16, 2005 2:09:24 PM
Wow, interesting site, my daughters friend sent me the link saying I would get a kick out of it, and I've enjoyed reading it although I think Trent Reznor would think I'm a bit old for him. I'm expecting my first grandbaby in February!
I once faced a very similar situation when my husband asked me to marry him. You see I lived the rock-and-roll lifestyle all thru the 70s and although I'm not the kind of gal to name names, I know you've heard of some of the guys I was with. (and not to brag, but I was the type of girl they called BACK) But then I met my wonderful husband and he was just a mild mannered insurance salesman and I really fell head over heels for him. And I knew that I couldn't keep trying to get backstage if I was going to be in a real relationship (and I was getting too old for that anyway). So I gave up the rock stars and got married and had my wonderful babies, but I didnt give up the rock music. Well, music you probably think is old and boring anyway. My husband and I still go to concerts when people we like go on tour but I go home with him instead of the bass player..... Always had a thing for bass players!
Rock on Dierdre....I know you'll make the right decision for you but stay yourself and I hope you keep writing because I think you're very good at it.
And for the rest of you ladies I'll give you these tips when you party with musicians.....
1) play a little hard to get
2) don't use the l-word
3) don't do ANYTHING for the roadies!
Posted by: Been There Done That | Oct 16, 2005 2:43:11 PM
I'll tell you what worries me: it's this 46 year old lech of a Frenchie who not only gets to sleep with a girl that could be his daughter, but thinks he can dictate a goddamned thing to Dierdre, LET ALONE her fantasies, or her loves.
Grafitti from the walls of Pompeii: "Whoever loves, let him flourish. Let him perish who knows not love. Let him perish twice over whoever forbids love."
Dierdre, DON'T DO IT.
Posted by: Jane | Oct 16, 2005 2:46:57 PM
Mimi, if that's the price of love, Bono was right: it's not cheap.
Maise, the thing is, with the nipple incident, I WAS COMPELLED. There is no way I could have stopped myself. I mean, THERE HE WAS, and THERE I WAS. I had to touch him. I didn't mean to encounter his responsive nipple, and in fact, it made me feel kinda dirty and disrespectful in a disturbing way afterwards, because I can never explain the electricity of just that tiny little hint of that glorious creature's pure substance; but there is no way I could have called a halt to the way my hand found it's way inside his shirt, and took in the rough hairiness of his warm, wet chest.
Fucking hell. I am beside myself just thinking about it. There are TWO OF ME typing right now. One of them loves Michel and wants to satisfy him by forgetting that any other man exists, and the other one is totally Trent's slave forever, even if he never, ever notices or gives a rat's ass. god help me, I love that guy.
Buttercup, you're right. Trent is TOTAL porn, but the thing is, he's more, too. To be honest, if Michel wants to look at nameless, hairy Bavarian fembots on the internet, I can't say that I really care at all; but he's right to want me to stay clear of Trent, because he is not a nameless, generic fuck fantasy with scrumptious hairy shoulders. I love him for his heart and mind. I know I've said it before, but the sexiest thing about Trent is his body of work.
Guys and porn? Whatevs. Trent? Danger.
Been There, Done That: I should make it clear that "partying with musicians" and "getting backstage" appeal to me in NO WAY WHATSOEVER, and it's too late for me to hold back on the "l" word. This isn't about "musicians," and it CERTAINLY isn't about roadies; it's about one man, and one man only.
And Jane, Michel is just trying to help me. I mean, this is letter number 22, and Trent has not gotten back to me. I think Michel may be right.
I know I should be happy, but I'm so sad lately. What's wrong with me?
Posted by: Dierdre | Oct 16, 2005 3:17:28 PM
Okay yeah I guess you could have called me a "groupie" way back when but I prefer to think of it as I had very specific tastes. I knew who I wanted and I did what I had to to get that person and consequently I have a more interesting history than most people and I was with people I still admire today (even if some of them were jerks on a personal level), and I was able to find true love and three terrific kids and three cats and two dogs and the white picket fence in the suburbs-the whole nine yards-even if some people would have called me a "slut"....God forbid!
Look, sweetie I don't think of myself as "old" but I know I've got quite a few years on you, so let me just break this down for you.
I'm not really all *that* familiar with Trent Reznor and his band (although my kids are big fans) but I can tell you right now that he is NO threat to your relationship or your marriage.
If he was any kind of threat, you would be at his next concert talking to the right people to get back stage. You'd maybe catch his eye and have a good time. You certainly wouldnt create a website that to me says STAY FAR AWAY. If you really wanted him that badly you'd try to be in the right place at the right time. But you're not doing that. Instead you're living your life, (in Europe?) getting engaged and writing for this website.
I dont think you and your fiance should be so uptight about this. If you're not in the back of a tour bus with your panties around your ankles, then it's not interfering with your relationship *that* much is it?
Every now and then my husband gets a bit jealous of my former conquests. When I sense that he feels that way, I put on that band's music and I give my husband an experience he never forgets (and I've had practice!). He's a fan after that!
Posted by: Been There Done That | Oct 16, 2005 7:55:50 PM
No, you're right. It's all in my mind.
Michel is right.
Posted by: Dierdre | Oct 16, 2005 9:11:37 PM
Oy, Dierdre, there has to be a compromise on this...for better or for worse, the Trent love is part of who you are. How could Michel fall in love with you and completely discount that aspect of you? I know it enrages a lot of "serious" NIN fans and causes involuntary finger-wagging spasms, and I do not in any way mean to suggest that you should forsake Real, Live Love for the one-sided Trent Love, but I for one find your devotion to be endearing and purer than a lot of the cynical and compromised unpaid prostitution that passes for "relationships" these days.
I think it's wonderful that you and Michel have found lasting love, but it just seems wrong for him to ask that of you.
I know this is your life and not musical theater, but this feels like the part in "Man of La Mancha" where Don Quixote is all dying and resigned and realistic and shit. Does anyone enjoy that part of the play? No! It totally sucks, and goddamnit, Trent is Dulcinea!
In short, don't dump Trent, don't dump Michel. There is a happy medium.
Posted by: maise | Oct 16, 2005 10:25:58 PM
Maise, I think Dierdre is the most "serious NIN fan" I've ever encountered. Fuck those finger-waggers. Fuck it all.
And Fuck Michel. You don't need a new father, D.
Posted by: Jane | Oct 16, 2005 10:45:57 PM
Being in love with rock stars is so dumb. Everyone knows that.
Posted by: DUH! | Oct 17, 2005 2:42:00 AM
Maise, I'm like you, It's not so much that I'm obsessed with Trent as it is I'm obsessed with people obsessed with Trent.
Dierdre, don't change who you are for anyone. You aren't doing anything that future hubby should be threatened by (Been There Done That is correct on this).
Future hubby needs to feel secure with himself. The kinds of insecurities leading him to tell you to give up Trent are signs of not so good things to come. I know this from past experience.
Been There Done That, bass players, huh? Check out NIN's current bass player at
Most here don't think he's attractive, but I think he has beautiful lips.
Posted by: bex | Oct 17, 2005 6:30:01 AM
All this fretting and impassioned debate, and I haven't even touched on the most disturbing aspect of Dierdre's recent posts...
What's this about Trent and a "fantastically hairy shoulder"???? What, is he Robin Williams now? I refuse to believe it.
Posted by: maise | Oct 17, 2005 6:59:21 AM
Maise, don't you know as men get OLDER, the hair starts leaving the tops of their heads, and travels down south to other odd parts of the body?
TRENT is no exception to this rule!
I wish he'd read when he gets ribbed like this!
Posted by: bex | Oct 17, 2005 7:12:06 AM
[sticking fingers in ears]
la, la, la, I can't hear you!
Posted by: maise | Oct 17, 2005 7:15:30 AM
sorry Maise, LOL!
Posted by: bex | Oct 17, 2005 7:46:21 AM
You guys are sweet to take an interest in my stupid dilemma, but I've been thinking hard about it, and I think Michel might be right to be concerned. I think he really does understand that my love for Trent runs a little too fucking deep. I may need to go cold turkey.
But how can I? Oh man, I would miss him so desperately.
Maise, about the shoulder... BEX IS RIGHT, AND IT'S HOTT, BABY. Feast your eyes on THIS!
Fucking hell, that man is a firey furnace of unstoppable hotness. That hairy shoulder makes me ACTUALLY DROOL.
So far I'm really doing well with my cold turkey plan. This is why I'm begging you, Trent: LONG SLEEVES. Ach! He knows exactly what I can't resist.
Posted by: Dierdre | Oct 17, 2005 7:46:30 AM
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