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2005.10.08

[Dear_Rob: On_Cameras_and_Clapping]

Hey Rob. It's Gabriel here, from Wearing These Chains. You gotta sec?

Good. Firstly, I just wanted to say thanks. I think everything involved with this record from a design standpoint has been really strong, and Dierdre's even mentioned, before she sold-out her fandom, how much she loved your photography on this tour (especially the picture of Teethy Trent and the B&W Held Up By The Mic pics from Fresno). So as a fan, I'd like to say thank you.

But then there's the matter of those videos.

See, we're all fans of the band. And as fans we act foolish sometimes. Lame, even. Hell, I think you could reasonably say that some of us, when it comes to the matter of a live show, or meeting Trent, act just plain old fucking RETARDED.

But for the most part we're smart folks, and we know we're lame. And we kinda suspect that you guys in TeamNails™ know we're lame, too. But what we really don't need is you reminding us that Trent and the rest of you know we're a bunch of idiots.

Take for example this girl:

The Crow's Hot Sister

Now she starts off well -- she's super cute, she's got "*-FUCKER" written on her back in sharpie cause she's gothemo like that, and she addresses the camera with full passion: "WOOOOOOO!!" And then right in mid-cheer, common sense hits her: "NINE INch... nails.... yes......". And she gets all self-conscious and covers herself up.

Course she did! Everybody's seen the videos with the crazy fans, but no one ever actually thinks that person is going to be them. Unfortunately, Rob, when that official band video-cam gets in our faces, all good sense goes the way of the dodo, overpowered by whatever poorly-advised gut instinct pops up at the moment. And your lens can be oh-so-cruel.

[By the way, if you're out there, Super-Cute Blonde Girl With Face Crackling Makeup: I think you rule. Email me.]


The Stick of Doom

Then there's this Frodo-looking motherfucker playing with his sticks, which is neat at first, except he keeps dropping it. I mean, damn Rob, you got us -- we try to impress you guys with stupid tricks in the hopes that we'll score a backstage pass, or that maybe Trent will invite us on the tour (playing with sticks is kinda like the Jim Rose show, right?) But come on -- you don't have to point out how desperate and pathetic we look when we do it!

Dear God, man. It's just a matter of human decency at times.

That's not to say there's not moments of sheer brilliance. I don't think any image has ever captured just why I love rock concerts as much as this one:

Concerts Rule

And who knew Tom Waits of all people was a NIN fan before this gem?

Tom Waits Rocks It

But for every young girl in the early blush of womanhood, there's some freaky guy wearing a CalTrans vest yapping about how he's just witnessed the best show since the beginning of God, and kissing the camera. Just just be gentle Rob; that's all we ask.

Now that we've had this chat, however, I'm hoping you can bend an ear to the Powers-That-Be on another matter, because I noticed a slight problem at the Hollywood Bowl show: Trent likes to clap now. And not in a Alright! My Band Kicks Sweet Ass way, but in a Put Your Hands In The Air And Clap Them Like You Just Don't Care kinda way. And he does it during "march of the pigs".

How does this actually happen? Well I've assembled an interactive experience below for your benefit. Click on the play button below for full immersion....


Trentsinging
Trent singing "motp". All is rockin' in the free world.

Trenttriumphant
Reznor Triumphant™.

Trentclapping
Things go horribly awry as Trent begins to lead the crowd in audience participation...

Allthepigsalllinedup
All the pigs, all lined up.

Okay, Rob, you're right -- we shouldn't be clapping along in the first place. It's goofy, this isn't a Barry Manilow concert, and we know better. But as I said earlier, we're nine inch nails fans. If Trent tells us to go "Hip Hip Hooray" like Josh Homme felt compelled to do (WTF?????) we'd probably throw down without hesitation.

But that doesn't make it right.

So try to talk to M.T. on the whole clapping thing. We love him, and the great job everyone's doing, but The Dread Marching Clap is a little embrassing -- better we take care of this within the family, before he goes and does it on MTV or something.

I'm just thankful there was no clapping part in "non-entity".

Best regards,

Gabriel Miller

Posted by Gabriel in dear_rob | Permalink

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Comments

Hip hip hooray.

Posted by: Kim | Oct 8, 2005 6:12:16 PM

Gabriel, I have no fucking clue what you're talking about, here. You could not PAY ME ENOUGH to behave like the people in those Spiral videos (which, yes, I have seen; thanks to a very, very kind reader).

What I'd like to know is why in the hell Rob Sheridan thinks we want to SEE that crap. I mean, there that guy is, AT THE NINE INCH NAILS show, with full, friendly access and a full battery of image recording devices, and what does he bring us? Pictures of fucking lame retards going "WHOOOOOOO! NINE INCH NAILS, WHOOOOOOO!" I can only imagine how gratifying it is for Trent to know that THESE are his a fans.

You know what else? I hate seeing part of the show on that shit - the tiny little box makes it look flat and vaguely ridiculous that Trent is carrying on in that manner. I know Trent and his show are brilliant, but I not only can't tell that from those videos, but I start to wonder if I only know that from drinking the metaphorical cool-aid of how Trent is so foxy, which I think I better stop drinking, at this point.

Dude, all we want to see are pictures of Trent, backstage, talking about how he's still nervous before the show, or taking the new drummer to task for fucking something up, or smiling, because, COME ON, we know he can do it. If he's shirtless, and we get to see his naked chest, or you catch him in the shower or something, SO MUCH THE BETTER.

Re The CLAP: I agree - it's got to go.

And Gabriel, Quit being such a whiny fucking baby about my life. Not that I have to justify ANYTHING to you, but I have not sold Trent out. I am carrying on with my life, and I like to think he would be proud of me.

Posted by: Dierdre | Oct 9, 2005 12:18:09 AM

Trent is DEAD to you, Dierdre!

Posted by: Gabriel | Oct 9, 2005 12:22:18 AM

CLAP, YOU FUCKING PIGS! CLAP!

So embarrassing.

Posted by: Jane | Oct 9, 2005 2:22:50 AM

If I see Rob w/camera at my shows..my ass is turning and walking the opposite way. Not that I'd act stupid, but just because I don't need to turn up on a silly video.

The clapping, LOL, I hope like hell Rob reads this and tells Trent to knock it off before November.

Posted by: bex | Oct 9, 2005 7:30:16 AM

Thank you for making sense for once in your life, Gabriel. See what life is like when you're not on so many drugs...

Posted by: Buttercup_J | Oct 9, 2005 2:15:19 PM

I'm sure a few of you will be happy to know that I outright refused to clap during MOTP at last night's show. I just stood there, laughing and shaking my head, muttering things like, "Not on your fucking life, Reznor." I even flipped him off when he did it during the second chorus. Yeah, bitches, I went there.

Sorry. You guys know how much I love the man, but I have standards and dignity. I'll "MARCH!" but I won't clap.

Other than that, good show last night.

Posted by: emerald527 | Oct 9, 2005 2:40:24 PM

Dammit, Em! MORE DETAILS!

Posted by: Dierdre | Oct 9, 2005 3:14:20 PM

Well, D., I'll do my best. I just finished typing up my review of the show for my university's student newspaper. (I will link to it when they put it up on the site 'cause it's too. Damn. Long.)

The sparklepants were present. Mic stand humping during "The Wretched," which left me breathless and murmuring, "Oh, Gods." "Reptile" and "Suck" back-to-back, which damn near killed me. (He moaned, Gods help me, he MOANED. Put his hands over his head and MOANED like he was getting the best head of his life. Or the best flogging, can't tell which. Either way, HOTT. And he's so, so, so dirty on the inside.) "The Only Time" during the "Closer" breakdown (I wish he'd sung a quick chorus, but no). The entire arena singing along to "Hurt," which prompted Trent to say a couple words:

"I usually don't talk much because... I don't like to. But I just want to say that I got kind of caught up in the moment during that. Three years ago I never thought I'd be on stage, much less playing to an awesome crowd like this. I just want to thank you all. I also want to thank Autolux and Queens of the Stone Age, two fucking awesome bands, and Alex Carapetis for filling in on drums. I also want to thank... Hold on, I have a list... *reaches into back pocket* No, I'm just kidding."

Oh yeah, and NO "STARFUCKERS"!!!

Posted by: emerald527 | Oct 9, 2005 4:13:45 PM

Em, that sounded like a great show, thanks for sharing!

(and good for you not clapping..I'll be yelling at the top of my lungs cursing him if he does that shit at my shows!)

Posted by: bex | Oct 9, 2005 4:32:45 PM

Gabriel, excellent post. I knew you had it in you. You *can* be funny without being a complete crackhead.

All righty, so Friday was a weird day, to say the least, and I'm not kidding about needing advice from nigh-strangers, so if you want to help me out or are feeling rather voyeuristic, send me an email between now and tomorrow. I'm not going to get into it here because a) it's a LONG story, b) it would get us WAY off track and c) it's a bit too personal for a general message board, even though I am anonymous and impersonating a deceased dog.

BUT...I do want to say this...it was an excellent show. One of the best of my very life, which has a lot to do with the weirdness. Whole new layers of meaning to each song, which I sang at full volume with all my heart.

Trent was not very chatty, although I gather that he was very tired. That's fine--I thought it hilarious that he didn't introduce the drummer to us. I guess it really was a mystery! Never heard of that Alex guy, though, so it wouldn't have made much difference to me.

Thankfully where we were sitting, I could see a small window of Trent between the neanderthal head-banger and the lovers in the row in front of me. I didn't actually *see* Trent doing that clapping thing during MOTP, but I was in a NIN-induced frenzy by that point.

To Trent: if you ever check this site out from time to time, trying to figure out who you should issue a restraining order against, I just want to sincerely thank you for such a great concert. You truly made it all go away for about an hour and a half--even if you didn't play that song.

Posted by: maise | Oct 9, 2005 7:46:07 PM

I almost read the entire thing without falling asleep!

Posted by: meathead | Oct 9, 2005 9:47:24 PM

Em, I know the exact microphone stand humping routine of which you speak. That "Reptile" then "Suck" combo is a knockout 1,2 punch. Goddamn him to hell for being so dirty!

Maise, thanks for the review. I'm glad you had fun, and I'm sorry about your troubles!

Meathead, Gabriel is a jackass, but even though you called me a "desperate cuntrag," I still think you're funny sometimes. I'm not sure Mimi can ever forgive you for that abortion thing, though. That was mean.

Posted by: Dierdre | Oct 10, 2005 2:23:06 AM

How awesome, BTW, is this little update from our man Trent:

[10_09_2005] Backstage in Cleveland. Family day for me. Lots of memories for me here - some good, some not so good. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the show tonight - finally got some sleep. Alex is doing great and fitting in well.

3:34pm_PST

Remember Mr. Silent for YEARS ON END? I really missed him. I know I bitched about it that one time, but I totally love these little updates.

I know this is going to sound like totally retch-worthy sentimental pap, but it is just so fucking HEARTWARMING to know that Trent is hanging with his family, remembering times past, and finally getting a little sleep. Seriously, how does a guy you don't even know make you love him so damned much? I know I spend a lot of time carrying on about wanting to ride his sweet jock to Valhalla, or Xanadu (or even just to Cleveland, really... I wouldn't complain), but in a way, it's even more embarrassing to say, without a single bit of irony, that, in truth, I really just can't help carrying him in my heart. I worried about him for years, and it's really just so damned good to know that he is well.

...Even if he is doing that CLAPPING thing.

Posted by: Dierdre | Oct 10, 2005 3:27:28 AM

You think the two girls on the middle are related? They look sorta similar, no?

Posted by: Roth | Oct 10, 2005 5:24:17 AM

Oh, and here's the link to my review, so you now have proof that I'm not yanking your chain about the whole journalism student thing:

http://www.southend.wayne.edu/modules/news/article.php?storyid=1742

The QOTSA mistake (calling Songs for the Deaf "Songs for the Dead") is not mine. They probably thought my finger slipped or something.

Posted by: emerald527 | Oct 10, 2005 6:26:32 AM

What's the consensus on QOTSA, people? I mean, I'll admit that Josh Homme is a nice size, has a very attractive little dance and a saucy attitude, but that band just bores the shit out of me.

I've tried, on Dr. Trent's recommendation that they are "fucking awesome" to hear why, but I must admit: I am stumped. Sounds like boringly competent, straight-ahead rock songs to me. Not as fucking torturously dull as Audioslave or some shit, but without the undeniably entertaining gross-out factor that Velvet Revolver is working.

Autolux, though? Yeah. That's the shit.

Posted by: Dierdre | Oct 10, 2005 7:39:51 AM

QOTSA weren't as boring as I anticipated, and Josh Homme had that compelling "Elvis pelvis" thing going on. There are some songs of theirs that I like, but I will never be religiously devoted to them or anything...

Despite what TR says about them being the Best Band Ever, we all know he's thinking of his opening acts like bridesmaids, and he doesn't want anyone outshining him (as if that could happen).

Posted by: maise | Oct 10, 2005 8:09:17 AM

meathead said:
I almost read the entire thing without falling asleep!

Gabriel is awesome. He's a bazillion times better than meathead.

Posted by: trent_reznor | Oct 10, 2005 1:30:55 PM

Heh heh, the word "bazillion" made me snicker.

Now I shall return to banging my head ceaselessly against my desk...

Posted by: maise | Oct 10, 2005 1:35:14 PM

Oh and Gabriel...Dierdre?

I'll thank you not to remind me of Depeche Mode's "Somebody" right now.

Posted by: maise | Oct 10, 2005 1:54:13 PM

Maise! No *headdesk*-ing!

Oh, and email me if you need someone to talk to.

+Bwuaha. Meat must be sour or something, cause he mentioned WTC again.

Posted by: Kim | Oct 10, 2005 3:03:55 PM

I'm just happy Meathead's a reader. Looks like he was inspired by my "new drummer" post.

Posted by: Gabriel | Oct 10, 2005 3:06:05 PM

Oh God, don't I know it. The only small mercy is that he didn't mention the site by name. Gabriel, why don't *you* give me an early Christmas present and ignore it?

Let it fucking die, boys. Just let it fucking die. If I have to read one more multiparagraph treatise from one of the many, many stern, finger-wagging NIN fans out there (and they are legion), I'm going to stab myself in the head. I think they're even worse than the drive-by illiterate insults.

Posted by: maise | Oct 10, 2005 3:11:31 PM

Oh damn, I was too late. Alas!

Posted by: maise | Oct 10, 2005 3:12:14 PM

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