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2005.09.30

[Understanding_Teeth: Not_So_Pretty_Now]

At the first few arena shows on this tour, M.T. Reznor debuted a new song to the loyal fans -- as always, it rocked major ass, proving his Powers Of Rocking to be EVEN MORE POWERFUL than we had previously thought.

But what is this new song, "Not So Pretty Now" really about? Well though it was not featured on the record [With_Teeth], I think it's safe to say it does land within the same songwriting cycle as the Teeth tracks, so I am pleased to present a special vaginae dentata edition of Understanding Teeth!

not so pretty now

Vaginae_Trent

The song's a straight ahead rocker, and the lyrics get quickly to the point: "You like to open it, open wide", Trent sings, apparently about the mythical She that has haunted his dreams (and music) for the past 16 years. "Then you let everyone come inside. There's always something you gotta hide, so you lied and you lied and you lied."

It's clear what's going on here. Whoever this chick he's singing about is a total whore. And I don't think it was her apartment that she was letting everyone come inside to, if you know what I mean. Just like at my fucking Prom. But I've already had readers stir up stories about Marcia Muneses so I'm leaving that shit to another day.

"You got a hole that you gotta feed / You tried to fill it all up with your greed". See, this chick just can't get enough. She's probably like some total dirty skank whore, with low self esteem that doesn't care if a decent guy (or rockstar) gave a shit about her or not, because the only way she can feel good about herself is if somebody gives her attention. You remember that awesome scene in the beginning of Reservoir Dogs where Quentin Tarantino talks about the chick in "Like A Virgin" and how she's a total dirty fuck-machine? Well, he didn't mention too much about why she was like that in the song, but I guess this was the reason why.

"But it bleeds, and it bleeds, and it bleeds," Trent sings. I'll leave this line to all of you to figure out.

Aaron North's guitar then kicks in with a wicked and dark little riff right here. "We'll go take a little more, we'll scrape you off the floor. We love you anyhow, but you're not so pretty now." Obviously, not only did this chick fuck around on the character Trent's singing about, she apparently got down and dirty with a whole bunch of people, rutting it up on the bathroom floor like a dog in heat. Probably would have gone on fucking more guys, too, if her date's three glasses of punch hadn't caught up with him, necessitating a trip to the restroom, where he caught Ms. Not So Pretty on all fours with her corsage in the air, turning what was supposed to be a beautiful evening of young love and perfection into a sloppy series of fuckhole nightmares.

You know, it's fucked up when you think you know somebody, and you take time to respect them, and not pressure them, because you think that's how decent people do things, only to be totally taken advantage of. It's like, you don't go past second base for like three months, and you're fucking 17, and you think it's because you're being a cool guy, when all that's really happening is that you're paying for all the movie tickets and trips to Marie Callendar's, but you're getting none of the payoff.

So I guess it makes sense that when you catch somebody fucking you over like that, you decide maybe to go along with it. "Nobody burns quite as bright; well Goddamn, maybe you're right." So you say fine, I can cast my cumberbund aside and join in, "and you might, yes you just might, you just might." But it's really not that easy --- "there is a price you're going to pay" -- and not all of us have an easy time "performing" on command. Especially when three dudes that just did your pseudo-girlfriend are right there. I mean fuck, Trent Reznor said just the other day on that Spiral video footage that he gets nervous before every show -- how's a 17-year-old with a broken heart that's been lied to for months on end supposed to keep from "fading and fading and fading the fuck away"?

After all the deeds have been done, no matter how degraded they've been, some girls think they've won. "A great big superstar is what you think you are", as Trent sings. "We love you anyhow, but you're not so pretty now." I don't know how a girl could be pretty after playing bukkake bingo with half the J.V. squad, and then laughing about it like she was Queen of the School or anything. And though Trent doesn't say it in the song, I'm sure this girl wanted a ride home back from Prom after all this had gone down, and he had to go ahead and do it, because all along he'd just tried to be a nice guy, like a total fucking idiot. And it's not like Dad was around to give any advice about how to handle women in the first place, so how the fuck was anybody to know any different?

And to top it all of, after you take her home, she thinks she can placate you by finally giving you a little special one-on-one action. "Better turn the lights down low..." But how can you really go back to the way things were before, as "the cracks begin to show". I think that's a great piece of writing there, because I think Trent is literally talking about crack (it could be crack as in cleft, or crack as in butt crack, but nothing ever really went the way of the latter. I bet this girl in Trent's song was all excited about her Brazilian wax job, though, and thought that it would make everything better, that's for damn sure).

And when you drive home that night, wondering what you did to make the first woman you ever cared about hate you so much, you realize that "soon you will be gone", and that you'll get the fuck out of the stupid town you were raised in and get away from the high school bullshit, and even if you don't get out of Southern California, at least you can move to your own place away from all the bullshit motherfuckers in Rancho.

And so Trent's cautionary tale ends -- as with all his songs, the beauty lies in the lyric's ability to describe universal situations that we can all understand, even if we ourselves have never personally been involved in any fucked up situations like that. I mean, a situation like that could totally fuck up your ability to deal with women for years, you know?

Not that you'd want to waste your time bothering with them anyway.


Explore The_Understanding_Teeth_Collection!

Posted by Gabriel in the_understanding_teeth_collection | Permalink | Comments (20) | TrackBack

[With_Questions: Feedback_Edition]

Boy, the Ninternet is a hopping place these days!

As many of you may have already noticed, our good friend in NIN-fannery, the former comedian known as MeatFuck certainly doesn't take well to people pointing out some constructive criticism from time to time. Granted, nobody likes to be told that their game has gone the way of John Malm's career, but that's why us nine inch nails fans are such a great bunch -- we're always ready to help each other out.

Here at Wearing These Chains, for example, we've had many emails from new readers, who found Mr. Meat's work interesting, and decided to give WTC a spin in the old browser. Nothing's more exciting than hearing what your readers think of your work, direct from the source! And so, in the tradition of the previous [With_Questions], here we present a small selection of the incisive commentary we've received!

From: Daniel Weaver <xxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com>
Date: Sep 29, 2005 11:04 AM
Subject: A letter of praise to Gabriel

Your page is 10 times funnier than Meatheads...the best part is that it's supposed to be taken seriously by people...that is what is so fucking funny!!!

Do you realize how uncomfortable the human waste that you call "Wearing
These Chains" would Trent Reznor??? I don't want to speak for him as I don't
fantasize about going to sleep with his penis in my mouth every night like
you do....but I'm guessing if he ACTUALLY was FORCED to read any of your
typed excrement he would vomit all over himself.

Do us real NIN fans a favor and shoot Mimi and Dierdre in the face and then
turn the gun on yourself.

I'll even buy the bullets..what type do you need?

Dan W.

Now this is what I'm talking about! Real discourse -- from fan to Artist. This is what democratization of technology is all about!

Oh, and Daniel -- I prefer .45 caliber slugs. Thanks. :-)

From: Sedar <xxxxxxx@gmail.com>
Date: Sep 29, 2005 1:22 PM
Subject: hahahahahahaha, you are terrible
Oh man, if it weren't for Meathead, I never would have had such a laugh as to see your poetry. I mean, come on, you were doing fairly decent (ok, that's a lie) up until that. And what the fuck is gothemo? I can only assume you dumbasses combined two terrible labels into one ultimately terrible label. That's just wrong.

Well here at WearingTheseChains, Sedar, Gothemo isn't just a label. It's a way of life. It's not about the clothes you wear, the color you dye your hair, or the way you shave your eyebrows. It's about looking at things from not only a singular perspective, but also taking a step back, and viewing your life, and the lives of others, in the context of the inevitable and ultimate darkness that this world holds for each and every one of us. When you feel your heart start to tremble, and your eyes brim with tears for the fallen and forsaken... that's when you're feeling gothemo.

From: Sean Callahan <xxxxxxx@hotmail.com>
Date: Sep 30, 2005 5:19 AM
Subject: check this :P

http://www.theninhotline.net/meatpers/mp_092905.html

Um, we'd actually linked to MeatFuck's article as of 12:54pm Sep 29, Sean... but don't let that stop you from writing in again in the future!

From: Patrick Potts <xxxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com>
Date: Sep 30, 2005 9:44 AM
Subject: No Subject

Eat my ass, pathetic bitch boy. Meathead was right. I enjoy the hell out of Nine Inch Nails' music, but fuck, it's people like you that make me worry about the next NIN show I go to. Go put on your make-up and your fake square-framed glasses and quit clogging the internet.

Sincerely,
Fuck you.

-PFC Patrick P.

Private First Class Potts? You fucking RULE.

As I sit here on the eve of my first full-length arena show of the "With Teeth" tour, I can't help but have a warm feeling in my heart for all of my fellow fans that I'm going to see tomorrow. Because we're not just a bunch of folks that like a band at the end of the day.

We're family. And that makes all the difference.

-Gabriel

(oh, and Meathead still sucks)

Posted by Gabriel in call_&_response / with_questions | Permalink | Comments (21) | TrackBack

2005.09.29

[Thanks_Trent]

Ok. Now it's all perfectly clear:

[09_29_2005]

I really should know better by now, but I have read some BBs and feel the need to explain a few things. Jerome Dillon does not have a drinking or drug problem. His illness is not the result of abuse, nor are there any purposefully vague statements about what's really going on with him. I am sure he is as frustrated and upset with the situation as everybody else. This is not his fault.

Next, I don't spend that much backstage and offstage time with the band, because their agenda is different from my own. They occasionally drink and party - I don't. When I was leaving the venue last night and found out the news about Jerome after everyone else - I was in a separate dressing room down the hall. Make sense? Jerome is a great drummer and a great guy. We all wish him the best and hope to see him behind the drums again soon. At the present time, his performing live with us places him in a potentially very harmful situation.
6:05pm_PST

[09_29_2005]
I just finished telling someone yesterday I was looking forward to finally being able to work on some music - the production for the tour was finally feeling finished... now this.

Once again, I'm sorry for the postponement. I really hate having to do this.

On another note, some of you seem to have taken offense to comments I've made here about the audience in Sacramento. This area of the site is not for press releases or sanitized versions of anything. That was how I felt, and that's that. Not every show is a great experience. A lot of our performance draws from the energy and reaction of the crowd. It felt to me (and everyone else in the band) like we were punching a brick wall for 90 minutes with nothing coming back, and that was frustrating. It happens sometimes. It IS frustrating. We're not pretending or going through the motions when we're onstage and these factors affect us and the show.
3:34pm_PST

The show in Oakland is postponed, and there is talk, sadly, of replacing Jerome. Obviously, our thoughts are with him, and with Trent, too.

I can only imagine how big a headache it is to worry about a sick friend, be at the helm of such a big production, have to think logistically, field the hysteria of all of us bitchy complainers, and on top of all that, attempt to be a good artist every night, but if anyone can make it happen...

Also, is this communicative, responsive guy really OUR TRENT? I love this! How good is it, after all the years and years of silence, to hear from Sparklepants EVERY DAY? Gabriel, you better stop hating on my man, dude, or I will come back from Paris and personally kick your scrawny gothemo ass.

I'm sorry I complained, Trent, you big (figuratively speaking) sexy (NOT EVEN SORT OF figuratively speaking) man, you.

You know we love the shit out of you.

Posted by Dierdre ~ in inside_dierdre | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBack

[Christmas_Comes_To_Chainsville]

Christmas_With_The_Chainsers
http://www.theninhotline.net/meatpers/mp_092905.html

And to think, all I really wanted was Closure on DVD.

Posted by Gabriel in gabriel's_ponderings | Permalink | Comments (31) | TrackBack

[Holy_Fucking_Shit,
What_The _Hell_Is_Going_On?]

Ok, people. This just in from the big giant head:

[09_29_2005]    
bummer. Just spent the day discussing touring up through next summer, then play our asses off to the least responsive audience I can ever remember playing to. I know I'm bitching but it's a shitty feeling.

As I'm walking to the bus to leave Sacramento as soon as I can, I learn Jerome is back in the hospital. I have no idea what this means...

12:37am_PST

What the hell? Firstly, Trent honey, WHY DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? Quit writing us yahoos half-baked messages and get on the horn, dude! Am I to suppose that lovely Jerome does not warrant a bedside vigil? Are you working that poor kid too hard? WHAT IS UP, man?

Also, an unresponsive crowd? Did they seem bored? WTF?  Sweetie, you can bitch all you want, but maybe it was an off night? If not, fuck 'em! They didn't deserve you.

But, Sparklepants, these cryptic updates are KILLING ME. Don't you have more than three sentences in you at any given time? This whole tiny little breadcrumbs of thoughts method you have is fucking NUTS. Plus, watch your verb tenses.

You know I love you, baby, but JESUS FUCK.

And, Jerome, honey, what is the matter with you?

I'm worried!

EDIT: Um, everyone does realize that the only reason I'm bitching is that I'm worried, right? Because... Yeah. That's why.

Posted by Dierdre ~ in inside_dierdre | Permalink | Comments (30) | TrackBack

2005.09.28

[Inside_Dierdre:_Angst!]

OMFG, you guys. I am SO BUMMED.

Here I am in Paris, the city of love, and dudes, as you know, I am TOTALLY in love. Thing is, the magnificent creature who has my heart in his sweaty pocket is currently galavanting around North America in rock star pants and eyeliner, and that totally undeserving wretch, Gabriel "Hate Personified" Miller gets to go see him do it two times, while I languish away in dreary weather, go to school with Frenchies, and work on art projects that are going nowhere. Meh!

Please picture me staring out the window of my Parisian garrett at pretty grey buildings against a grey sky with a single desolate tear rolling down my cheek, while Trent and his hot little ass ROCK SPORTS ARENAS WITHOUT ME.

And, you know what really sucks? Even though I think about Trent really, really  hard -- and when I say that, I mean both that I think hard, and that I think about his hot, hard little rig -- every night, before I go to sleep, I can't seem to manage to make him to visit me, EVEN IN MY DREAMS! Fucking Hell! What gives? I'm telling you, dear readers, sometimes unrequited love is high-minded and glorious, and other times, it just aches you to the core, and not in that good way. I seriously need to stop watching my little video of Trent singing "Non-Entity" over, and over, and over again, because seriously, HE IS KILLING ME.

On top of that, Gabriel keeps telling me all the time about the awesome little videos, sexy pictures, and cool features of The Spiral, and how Trent posts bitchy little messages there about people pretending to be him in the chat room 'n shit, but I can't even join it, because here in my garrett, everything is beautiful, but on my students' budget, it's all I can do is eat baguettes and apples, pretend to be an artist, and pine in vain; because there is no way I can dust off the fucking sixty bones to be a card-carryingly hopeless Trent Reznor devotee.

(Pfft! Like I need a freaking CARD.)

My dear readers, I am feeling LEFT OUT. I just know that vindictive little shit, Gabriel, will not give me the minutely detailed and unfiltered by hate description of every single minute of the concert that I need TO FUCKING SURVIVE. I'm counting on the rest of you to take up the slack in that regard, and to give me breaking news on all the bitchy hotness in Spiral land; because here in Paris, I am suffering the tortures of those who are damned to knowing that every night Trent "Sparklepants" Reznor is walking out onto a stage to be greeted by thousands of people giving full-throated voice to their love, and that mine is not among them. I can assure you, the suffering is acute.

And, Trent? Hurry up and get that booty over here! I can't stand it anymore!!!

Sob.

Posted by Dierdre ~ in inside_dierdre | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBack

2005.09.27

[Things_I_Hate: Meathead]

I know everybody's still got their Saltines in a bind after my Christly good Understanding Teeth of Sunday night, but I've got to interrupt the roundabout rhetoric here for a moment and discuss something important.

*******IMPORTANT NINTERNET NEWS FLASH*******
MEATHEAD FUCKING BLOWS NOW

Now I know what you're all saying: "No shit, Gabriel. It's been obvious for months. Thanks for finally buying a cup of coffee, douchebag". And you may be right.

But things weren't always this way.

I remember a day when the guy was actually funny. Yes, that's right, FUNNY. Where you would read the words posted on his website, and they would make your diaphragm spasm invountarily while a repeated "ha-ha-ha" sound emanated from your smiling mouth. And not just, "Oh, some fucking half-breed dim-wit on ETS thinks it's funny" funny, but "I'm a person who reads The Onion and even I'm laughing" funny.

The dark long years between nine inch nails albums were filled with random missives from some nerd somewhere with a pocket full of sarcasm, an appreciation for how silly Trent Reznor's goofy "darkness" could be at times, and a very strong self-awareness for his own retardation as an obsessed fan; to still be in love with the whole NIN shebang while still possessing the self-awareness to know how stupid it kinda was/is.

That's why The Head was great. The intelligent among us know that it's just a teeny bit wonky to be as into this band as we all are -- and Meathead was the outlet for that. He let us laugh at Trent, while we laughed at ourselves for loving Trent in the first place.

Remember "Trent Is Probably Not Dead"? What about the many redonkulous Birthday Cards to Trent over the years? And let's not forget the genius of The Faux Web Cam.

I mean, come on -- great stuff. Made you proud to be a fan. But then something happened.

I first noticed the change after 'Head went to the first new NIN shows. It was quite dramatic, actually -- from funny and biting, openly mocking Herr Reznor like a fang-toothed viper, to taking weak-ass pot shots that were about as threatening as an Evanescence concert.

It's been said in the rumon-mongering corners of the Ninternet that actually become peripherally friendly with the band -- hell, even meeting Leo and Rob -- may have softened Meathead. Maybe he decided to suck because he didn't want to offend Trent. Maybe he just started masturbating more, and that took his attention away from the Perspective. Or maybe he just finally realized what a beanpole blondie fuckwit he actually is, and that the MS Paint joke ran dry years ago, and this soul-crushing realization destroyed his creative drive.

I don't know. All I know is that he fucking sucks. How much does he suck?

Well let's talk about it. What does he write about now? His latest entry, oh-so-stingingly titled "The Dorkwad Spiral" (get it -- it's not the DOWNWARD Spiral -- it's DORKWAD instead! LOLOL, he RULES!!!!!), takes on the messageboard and chat app on The Spiral.

Truth be told, there's much to mock here, but what does he do? He sarcastically ribs it for being "Totally fresh and new and unlike any other Nine Inch Nails-related message board" (hint: this is "funny" because The Spiral really isn't! MAN, HE'S AWESOME! GOT ME AGAIN!). Basically, he's trying to shit all over The Spiral messageboard because it's existence means a huge traffic decline for his faggot friend Leviathant's gay ass Echoing The Sound board, and NIN Hotline site. GEE, that's Totally Fresh and Original meathead! Rip on other people's work so you can save your friend's ass! What are, fucking George Bush, you assface fuck? Is it The Haliburton Hotline or what?

You folks think I'm wrong? Take a look at the latest skin revisions of ETS, and the latest "upgrades" to The NIN Hotline. Gee whiz doohickey, they're all happening right as The Spiral opens! Because Meathead, Saturnine, Levi, and his bitchy wife Cuntolyke are in for a big loss of their Ninternet fame, and they know it.

Guess what? You all have earned it. So SUCK IT, BITCHES.

Let's look at another recent Meathead feature, where he tries to be biting by ripping on the readers of Echoing the Sound. OHH, that's really "Fresh and original", MEATFUCK, considering WE'VE BEEN DOING THE SAME THING, only BETTER, and WITH SOME BALLS, for months now, you pigfuck mutant.

And let's not forget Meatfuck's recent failed attempt at "returning to form" with the oh-so-tongue-in-cheek "Damn It, Jerome" post, where he pretends to be edgy by flaccidly flirting with the notion of Jerome actually dying with his opening graphic, only to reveal his complete lack of commitment, balls, or humor by turning the entire post into a fucking set list riff (that features such zingers as "Not So Pretty Now (whatever the fuck that is)".

Seriously, Meathead, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart: STOP. You're not fucking funny anymore, we all know it, I think you're smart enough to know that YOU know it, and when Levi is talking in the "suggestions" thread at ETS about how it's amazing that you've turned out so much quality material over the years, it sounds like a eulogy -- that's because it IS.

YOU SUCK NOW. STOP IT. If you think you can still be funny, YOU'RE WRONG. YOU ARE FUCKING LAME. YOU ARE THE NEW RICHARD PATRICK. To quote Trent, you "SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK".

This poem is for you.

things i hate: meatfuck
words by gabriel

meatfuck
you suck
you fucking dork

hang with the lamers
and the adoring homo flamers
you still know you suck

your fraternity of shit
ms paint this, bitch
can you do a flash movie
of me kicking your ass
all over the ninternet?

trent's not your friend
and when the sycophantic suck off ends
and meatfuck is dead
you'll just be the fuckhole
fuck the meatfuckhole

you're a smart guy
you must know you're shitty now

damn.
must suck to be you

fuck off.

Posted by Gabriel in things_i_hate | Permalink | Comments (166) | TrackBack

2005.09.25

[Understanding_Teeth: Every_Day_Is_Exactly_The_Same]

Howdy, bitches. I know you're all out there, getting ready to see Michael T. ShinyPants over the next coming weeks, and you're probably pretty excited -- not only is he wearing PVC, vinyl, and eyeliner again, but he's also playing some songs we've never heard live before (unfortunately, one of the songs is "Deep", so though we may have the joy of "Only" finally, we also have to hear how Trent would rather be "someplace, lost in space", but what're you gonna do).

However, you're probably also feeling another emotion: FEAR. "Gabriel, we're going to hear these new songs for the first time live," you're probably saying. "But how can we properly experience them when we don't understand what they mean -- you never finished explaining the meaning of the rest of the songs on the record!"

Well rest easy, my sweet bitches. And witness the triumphant return of Understanding Teeth!

every day is exactly the same
J.C. Trent

In Dierdre's last Call & Response we established for sure that M.T. Reznor believes in God, and we've even talked before how "All The Love In the World" is a song written from the point of view of God. Well Trent doesn't disappoint when it comes to being a stickler for thematic consistency, when this fantastic ditty -- and rumor has it next single -- turns out to be a first person account of the crucifixion, written by Jesus Christ himself!

The song begins with a few notes from an out-of-tune piano, rather similar to the sad sounds of an angel's broken harp, I think... if an angel played a piano, rather than a harp. But a harp would have sounded dumb here, so Trent went with the piano thing. Plus I don't know if he knows how to play a harp. Though he could have just sampled one. Well, anyway, it starts off with the sounds of the broken ange-harp, and then the super-phat Roman-esque bassline kicks in: bohm-bohm-bohm-bohm-bohm, immediately calling to mind the slowly approaching inevitable doom of our Savior.

This is where we catch up with Trent/Christ, carrying his cross up the hill towards Golgotha, where he's about to get crucified. "I believe I can see the future" he says -- I mean come on; he's the son of God after all, right? -- "as I repeat the same routine." Now some people think that "the same routine" means one foot in front of the other, because TrentChrist had to carry his cross all the way through the city and all the way down to the hill where the other two thieves that were about to get 'nailed were waiting (at least that's how it looked in the Mel Gibson movie. That movie was totally bloody and badass by the way -- and Satan looked like a scary motherfucker, even though he/she/it was kinda hot).

I, however, think that "the same routine" reference is aimed more towards a polytheological view on the world, where the crucifixion of Christ is also metaphoric for all the slain heros and martyrs of all times, or even of other religions (i.e., Buhdda, the suffering of the Dalai Lama, etc.) But either way, that bohm-bohm-bohm-bohm noise sounds like it's from pretty hate machine and totally makes you want to shake your ass and get funky, so it really doesn't matter.

Then ChristTrent is put up on the boards -- and what did the nail him to the cross with? That's right: nine inch nails. And he's feeling some regret, you know? He thinks he used to have a purpose, but it was so long ago, after he's been up on the sticks for a bit, it feels like another lifetime; "it might have been a dream". Of course, I'm sure concepts like "lifetimes" and "dreams" are pretty malleable for, like, GOD and his immediate family, but still -- I know the feeling.

Also, you get thirsty up there on the cross, and we all know what happens when you get really thirsty -- it gets hard to talk. "I think I used to have a voice", ChristTrent says. "Now I never make a sound." Then one of the Roman guards tells him to Shut The Fuck Up, Bitch, You're Dead Now, Haha!, and stabs him in the side with the Spear of Destiny. This probably hurts, and TrentChrist doesn't want to get stabbed with the spear again, so he decides to "do what I've been told; I really don't want them to come around [with the big sharp spear] oh, no".

And that's how it goes... sun rises, look around; yep, still nailed to the cross. Sun sets. Sun rises the next day -- damn! Still crucified! Sun sets. And so on and so forth. It never changes, you see. In fact, as Trent tells us, "Every day is exactly the same"!!!

Now Trent is always a writer that tells stories from the unflinching personal side of life, nor does he hold back here either, tackling an unspoken element of crucifixion: bowel movements. See, even though you're nailed to a cross, you still have to go Number Two from time to time, and unfortunately, when everybody's watching you croak on a couple 2x4's, you can't really be too shy about it. "I can feel their eyes are watching", he tells us, "In case I lose myself again." I think it's pretty obviously he means lose control of his bowels, but you can't really have a song destined for radio greatness where you blatantly talk about shitting yourself, so Trent's clever metaphor disguises the meaning from the douchebag radio listener, while still making it clear to the enlightened fan.

He goes on to say some other stuff -- talking about pretending to be happy, and knowing once again how things are going to end -- but it all means the same thing: Being Crucified Is Boring. He underscores this with another chorus, and then something strange happens.

Trent sings about "writing on a little piece of paper, I'm hoping someday you might find. I'll hide it behind something they won't look behind." Now at first you might be saying to yourself, "Gabriel, Trent's gone crazy! There's no way he could be writing on paper when he's crucified! And where's this place he's supposed to be hiding it? Why did he ruin the song with such an obvious error?"

Well first of all, I think TrentChrist could write on paper if he wanted to -- remember, he's the Son of God, which means he can do magic, which is totally awesome, but I think Trent was much more clever than that.

Take a look at the picture of the crucifixion up above... go on. Okay, good. Now -- see what's right above the head of TrentChrist? Yes, that's right: IT'S A LITTLE PIECE OF PAPER THAT HE WROTE SOMETHING ON!!!!!! The very thing that Trent hid the paper behind was HIMSELF!

Now that he's written his goodbye note, TrentChrist is getting ready to die -- "I am still inside here" he says, "A little bit comes bleeding through". Probably out of the hole in his side from the spear, I bet. And as he gets ready to commit his soul to heaven, he reflects in that very human way that only Trent knows how to do: "I wish this could have been any other way, but I just don't know. Don't know what else I can do."

Man, that's intense, isn't it? Even Jesus was bummed out that he had to get the living shit beat out of him for days and hung up on some wood until his insides collapsed upon themselves to save the human race. Shit, if I were him, I'd wish it could be any other way too. But I bet God's a pretty demanding Dad sometimes; and when he says you have to get beaten and killed, sometimes you just have to get beaten and killed.

And as Trent screams out the final chorus, the last iteration of "Every day is the same!!!" is filled with a furious, anxious flight, as he is finally released. For every day will no longer be the same for him any longer, for he shall walk beside his father in the Kingdom of Heaven evermore.

Damn; it's so fucking rad that Trent's a Christian. I hope the next record has even more songs about Jesus!


Explore The_Understanding_Teeth_Collection!

Posted by Gabriel in the_understanding_teeth_collection | Permalink | Comments (57) | TrackBack

2005.09.24

[Dear_Trent_#_20]

Dear Trent,

Words cannot express how much it cracks me to be in Paris while you are on the road in the US with your big, new stage production, fully-loaded with big intentions and made especially torturous by having songs I've never even heard on the tantalizing setlist. Paris is lovely, but I miss you, Sparklepants; especially now that you're flirting with me from afar by actually wearing sparkly pants.

You devil, you!

Earlier today, in my desperation to hear the latest from your Empire of Dirt, I trolled around in some of the most depressingly retarded corners of the ninternet and found a terrible sound check recording of about 30 seconds of "Not So Pretty Now". Needless to say, I was not overpowered by its rampaging genius due to the incompleteness of the transmission and the horrible sound quality of the recording, but I was able to hear some of the words, and baby, that's what we need to talk about today.

The bit I heard goes like this:

We love you anyhow,
but you're not so pretty now.
Nobody burns quite as bright,
well goddamn, maybe you're right.

Trent, honey, I can't help imagining that this may be, in some part, a reaction to all the endless comparisons between pretty, skinny you from long ago and far away, and the older, less girlish creature you have become in the here and now.

I want to make something perfectly, crystal clear, sweetness: I love you STRAIGHT OUT, Not anyhow; and with no "but" about it (which isn't to say that I don't love your butt; of course I love it baby, I really, really do).

I won't lie, Trent: it's true that you aren't as pretty as you used to be, but as much as "pretty" might be what some people who can't handle a real man prefer, there are others of us who think you've never been more fucking smokin' hot than you are now, with your grown man's face and rough hewn masculinity.

"Nobody burns quite as bright?" Fuck that bullshit. You might have burned brighter in the old days, but you're burning hotter, now. You're like the embers that seem to have the whole soul and heat of the fire in them, and even though the flames are low, anything that even gets near them is instantly consumed in a big, sudden flash of fiery flame!

Baby, you are HOTT! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you and you were standing side by side, and I could have my pick, I would totally choose you, and I would fully ride your hot ass all the way to Valhalla.

Also, speaking for myself, I've never been more touched by your music as I have been by your latest, and boy howdy, have I ever been touched by your music in my day. I know I'm sarcastic sometimes, and it's always easy to make fun of a rockstar in sparkly pants, but Trent, you are simply the best, baby.

I LOVE the way you roll.

Love,
Dierdre

Posted by Dierdre ~ in dear_trent | Permalink | Comments (24) | TrackBack

2005.09.23

[Pictures_of_You_#_12:_With_Pants]

Shiny Pants, teeth, and hugemongous muscles! RAWR!

PS. I love you, Trent.

Posted by Dierdre ~ in pictures_of_you | Permalink | Comments (58) | TrackBack