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2005.08.13

[Things_I_Hate: YOU]

Some people say four beers, two vodka tonics, and some numbers of scotch-on-the-rocks-that-I-can't-remember are bad.

I say those people are PUSSIES.

But you'd probably like that, you sycophantic Reznor Suckers. Cause TRENT'S A PUSSY TOO.

Yeah, call me angry, all you want, bitches. Get in line behind my mom. You're all the same. At least my mom wasn't FAT.

You bunch of angry Saturninebe's.

I never was a part of you burnfatties.

I never was a part of you burnfatties.

I never was a part of you burnfatties.

You all are the reason Amie Johnson never liked me in 3rd grade. You all are the reason Marcia Muneses went as my date to Junior Prom and smoked a joint and fucked Roger Syzmanski in the bathroom while I was getting her punch.

All of you are the THINGS I CAN NEVER HAVE. All of you are the evil protaganist of "Ringfinger".

All of you are the Great White Hate Trent speaks of when he screams Wish there was something real in this world full of you [bitches].

Stroke my hate, and feel it's length:

You
words by Gabriel

You all fucking suck
Dripping stupidity ruled by your orificity
Orestes may have been right.

Fuck you, Trent. I always hated G.I. Joe anyway.

Posted by Gabriel in things_i_hate | Permalink

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Comments

Gabriel, posting when drunk in the wee hours of the morning after performing fucking PEARL JAM KARAOKE is not a good idea. Please file that away for when you sober up, ok?

Posted by: Dierdre | Aug 13, 2005 5:29:13 AM

Was it that Flies in the Vaseline song? I hate that shit.

Posted by: Matt | Aug 13, 2005 5:34:50 AM

I just peed myself laughing.

Posted by: Dierdre | Aug 13, 2005 5:40:21 AM

I really thought this topic had some potential, I even thought the title "Things I Hate: You" was on the verge of being clever and almost funny, but then when I actually read it and realized that it was a pathetic, whiney rant about how you never got a decent date for fucking Jr prom. Well boo fucking hoo for you, wake up, life is shit so get used to it. By far the best line is "Stroke my hate, and feel it's length" Hahahahahahaa, oh God I'm crying with laughter here. A penis reference..you are a tiney little boy aren't you....

Posted by: Joni | Aug 13, 2005 6:55:23 AM

Gabriel, please allow me to give you some advice that my father gave to me when I was 14 and going out to my first unchaperoned party, "If you're gonna drink, don't mix."

Des mots plus vrais n'ont été jamais parlés.

Posted by: Mimi | Aug 13, 2005 8:00:39 AM

Oh lord. I love ya, Gabe. Thanks for the laugh.

Posted by: Kim | Aug 13, 2005 8:58:44 AM

Joni: don't feed him. Please. I thought the best line was "Dripping stupidity, ruled by your orficity." I mean, dude, if "orficity" isn't a word, thank God in his heaven that we have Gabriel to give it to us.

Mimi: Amen.

And, Gabriel? We all know your cock is huge. Just... back away from the keyboard, honey. Aren't you going on vacation or something?

Posted by: Dierdre | Aug 13, 2005 10:37:59 AM

Joni: you're so fucking mysterious and dark and booding! "...life is shit so get used to it." Damn, you're so fucking DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP

Oh, and I don't live in the country of Misspellvokia, so I don't know what "tiney" means. Perhaps you could elaborate.

Matt: "Flies in the Vaseline" is a Stone Temple Pilots song, DUH. Everybody knows that.

Dierdre: Not until Sunday. And not soon enough.

Posted by: Gabriel | Aug 13, 2005 11:27:36 AM

sexy motherfucker alert!

It suddenly struck me how funny it would be to watch him make sweet love to himself, like always, while belting out "Something I Can Never Have" (poor monkey!), with all those muscles, that gigantic neck, and that military haircut, to loads of sweaty, entranced Japanese people... hopefully, speaking perfect Engrish and being even shorter than he is.

And, at least if he's going to look like another short, musclebound rockstar, better Henry Rollins than Glenn Danzig.

I love you, Gabriel.

Posted by: Dierdre | Aug 13, 2005 12:46:19 PM

Nine Inch Monkeys are a neato band.

Posted by: Gabriel | Aug 13, 2005 12:59:23 PM

To Dierdre: That link! THAT LINK!!! Estie!!! Je meure un petit mort maintenant.

Au fournisseur de la haine: Large or small, jealousy makes haters of us all. Embrace your fate -- if you love us, perhaps, in turn, we could grow to love you. Perhaps.

Posted by: Mimi | Aug 13, 2005 3:31:29 PM

heh. I too had too much to drink last night. I sleep most of the day, only to wake up to new pictures!

I'm just loving those pictures. He is perfection on so many different levels.

Posted by: Kate | Aug 13, 2005 3:54:51 PM

Gabriel, in reference to us being fat, I prefer the term "a few extra pounds" or "big beautiful women". Thank you. :D

Posted by: Kate | Aug 13, 2005 4:39:59 PM

Gabriel,

Sweetest, now I *know* I'm a bit--just a BIT--older than you, so let an old lady share some words of wisdom, since I think that we were much in the same boat in our respective youths.

You're 23 now, right?...then, congratulations! You can, as you have apparently discovered, go to bars and get trashed. Plus, this is the best part, you can find a person of whatever gender or persuasion (we're equal opportunity here) that you find attractive, talk a little game, and get that person to go to bed with you (always use a condom, of course). If you haven't gotten too trashed and after you have handled any diplomatic issues involving the other person, you'll feel a whole lot better in the morning--more relaxed, at peace with yourself. Maybe your ginormous, throbbing, veiny HATE will be satiated for a few minutes. You might even think, "Now's the time to revisit 'Still.'"

Adulthood is a fabulous place to be! No social interactions in front of lockers, no stupid corsages and lame dances, no bullies trying to give you shit while you eat lunch, and no goddamn punch, unless you wind up at a bridal shower somehow.

It's probably too late now, but be sure to drink plenty of water. And maybe avoid guns for a bit.

Lots of love,
maise

Posted by: maise | Aug 14, 2005 12:40:33 AM

P.S.
Thank you, Deirdre, for the link. Perfection! Except for that picture of Jeordie in the middle...blech!

Posted by: maise | Aug 14, 2005 12:46:56 AM

Jeordie? I didn't notice.

Posted by: Dierdre | Aug 14, 2005 3:45:45 AM

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