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2005.08.12

[I'm_Sure_I'd_Like_Him_Too_ If_I_Had_A_Vagina]

This madness has got to fucking stop.

I've put up with stupidity on ETS. At grammar school, high school, college, and even my part-time jobs at KFC, Hot Topic, and goddamned Hot Dog On A Stick (fortunately those hats can be pulled down over shaved eyebrows, so guess who was wrong after all, Dad? FUCK YOU).

I've put up with retardation all around me for as long as I can remember. But not in my home. Not in the place I call my very own. No, that cannot -- nay, will not -- stand.

Old Man Reznor posted a picture of himself late last night. He cut off his hair so he can look more like the cro-magnon monkey-man he is today. He posted it in dramatic fashion on the website, with some stupid neon shit and a bunch of blurry Japanese citizens walking around him (yeah, good one Trent -- don't think you're fooling anybody with that trick. Surrounding yourself with Asian people just because they're short may give the illusion you're tall, but you're still a midget you racist fuck).

Of course, the coven of WTC harpies chimed in with Dierdre's adoration of said hairstyle. I swear to fucking Christ, he could cut off a homeless man's scrotum, staple it to his forehead, and then jam a dildo in his ear, and you ladies would talk about how amazing he was, and go on for gushing hours about the amazing new ways he could satisfy you with his new Nine Inch EarCock.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE -- GET OVER IT.

This isn't your personal masturbation blog, this isn't a porn site, this is about THE IMPORTANCE OF THE MUSIC OF MICHAEL TRENT REZNOR. And the slathering, slobbering, lascivious blathering from the Dierdre Keating Fan Club has gone too fucking far.

Look at the top of your screen. I know, it's hard to tear your eyes away from the lustful allure of His High Monkeyness, but just try. Okay. Now, does it say Wearing These Chains: concerning nine inch nails, trent reznor, and him fucking me really hard until my vaginal walls spasm repeatedly as I shudder through a stream of multiple orgasms, all without bearing the briefest of moments of clitoral stimulation?

It's been a while since I've looked myself, so I'll join you.....

Oh, hey, look at that! No it doesn't! It's about ALL GODDAMNED THINGS GOTHEMO! WHAT A FUCKING SUPRISE! I GUESS I KNEW THAT SINCE I STARTED THE FUCKING SITE.

I have some advice for all of you: get your copy of With Teeth. Put it in your panties. Bite your pillow.

And stop soiling the purity of Trent Reznor, goddamit. I've had enough.

Posted by Gabriel in things_i_hate | Permalink

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Comments

OMFG, Gabriel. You have gone TOO FAR this time. I can't believe you called TRENT REZNOR a midget and a racist in the SAME SENTENCE. Just because he's short and makes fun of Engrish all the time does not make him a racist... OR A MIDGET!

You know what I think? I think you're jealous that our readers love both ME and TRENT more than they give a RAT'S ASS about your UGLY, HEINOUS, RETARDED HATE.

This is my home, too, and I don't know where you find the fucking STONES to be all defending Trent's purity after all the times you've been perfectly happy to drag his integrity through the mud lately.

Anyway, he gave up his fucking purity YEARS AGO, remember?


Posted by: Dierdre | Aug 12, 2005 2:57:09 PM

OMG, Gabriel, you're killing me! Oh to be 23 again...and an angry young male...oh, wait.

Look, I wrote you some 3,000-word posts talking nothing of sex and instead debating the issues of artistic integrity and commercialism and all that.

And I am ignored!

And who peed on your pb&j this afternoon? What is Deirdre writing that she hasn't written this whole time? You know, maybe I shouldn't...I mean, maybe you oughta know, but it's kind of personal and not really my business, but I think Deirdre's got a bit of a crush on Trent...

Posted by: maise | Aug 12, 2005 3:13:28 PM

Maise, I don't have a CRUSH on Trent, he is my ONE TRUE LOVE.

Get it straight!

Posted by: Dierdre | Aug 12, 2005 3:14:58 PM

"Of course, the coven of WTC harpies chimed in with Dierdre's adoration of said hairstyle. I swear to fucking Christ, he could cut off a homeless man's scrotum, staple it to his forehead, and then jam a dildo in his ear, and you ladies would talk about how amazing he was, and go on for gushing hours about the amazing new ways he could satisfy you with his new Nine Inch EarCock."

Actually, Gabriel, I'd freak out and think something seriously wrong had happened to him during his childhood if he did anything remotely close to that.

And WOOT! I'm a harpy. Go me.

I STILL LOVE YOU, GABRIEL. And if you want us to talk about something other than how Michael Trent Reznor is a living, breathing Adonis, you should start posting something thought provoking more often. I'd love to have a conversation/debate/argument with you about how MT Reznor has or hasn't "sold his ass out".

Posted by: Kim | Aug 12, 2005 4:33:33 PM

Gabriel, you can't change someone else's behavior, you can only change your reaction to it. So if this site is dedicated to the works of our man Trent, then I beg you to enlighten us. Where the fuck is your interpretation of Every Day is Exactly the Same? I totally love your absurd interpretations. If you're sick of our slobbering, then give us something to fucking talk about, instead of throwing a tantrum like a whiny little bitch.

Posted by: Jessica | Aug 12, 2005 5:13:19 PM

God, this is like an addiction...I haven't had this much fun since...3:13 p.m. PST.

Can I propose that this website be renamed "wearing these chains: this time you have Gone. Too. Far."?

Deirdre, I love you and would happily cede Trent to you, if he were somehow mine to give, as long as I could have him for a quickie. maybe just once, hardy har.

Gabriel, I love you too and sympathize with your vain attempts to get all these swooning women on the strurm-und-drang bus. It's as though you're being overrun--like Miss Hannigan in "Annie." Rage on, Mr. Furious, rage on. Except why take it out on poor Trent Reznor? Sorry, I can't help it...I just like the guy.

The weekend project for the both of you--find a new common enemy. Not me, though. I would be saddened.

Posted by: maise | Aug 12, 2005 5:23:20 PM

Wow! I haven't been torn a new one like that in ages! Thanks Gab. I feel alive!!!

BTW, I listend to Broken on the way to the gym from work this evening..IN YOUR HONOR!!!

hugs,
bex
;)

Posted by: bex | Aug 12, 2005 6:23:41 PM

Oh, so you're going to pick on the fangirls, eh? This is probably the only place on the Internets that I can comfortably wax orgasmic about our man Reznor with like-minded fans, and you're going to pitch a bitch? The I-don't-know-whats at ETS would throw me out on my ear if I said there what I say here. (Yes, I'm still on ETS, but I'm semi-lurky. See above comment.) I appreciate having this outlet to get that my fangirliness of my system. I'm sorry that's not what you intended this site to be, but that's a big part of what it is. Is Trent a genius? Yes. Is he hot? Yes. Can the two be reconciled? I like to think so.

Now, where's that new installment of [Understanding_Teeth]? Hmmmm?

(I'm not sure what I think of his new 'do, by the way. Oh, and I still haven't joined The Spiral.)

Posted by: emerald527 | Aug 12, 2005 8:18:09 PM

I see you managed to get the word Vagina at the top of the page again... as if you were interested in such things.

Posted by: Matt | Aug 12, 2005 8:36:19 PM

Je n'ai jamais lu quelque chose assez deguelasse et plein de haisse pendant ma vie. Calice de tabernacle, Gabriel!! If you didn't want women like us reading your blog, then why did you share your space with Dierdre in the first place? Or is it this...you are afraid because you are finally surrounded by true adult women, aware of their own sexual needs and desires, unafraid to express them boldly and openly. As a small-minded and small-genitaled man, this has intimidated you to the point of destroying your own house, as so many men full of hate have done before you. It is unfortunate yet somehow still amusing to watch your own imitation of The Downward Spiral where your hate has led you. Bonne chance, mon ami. Et bec mon cul.

Posted by: Mimi | Aug 12, 2005 8:59:11 PM

Gabriel said: "Surrounding yourself with Asian people just because they're short may give the illusion you're tall, but you're still a midget you racist fuck"

do you really think that is true? that he is racist towards other cultures?
i doubt any of us know trent personally, so this could very well be true??

Posted by: Jen | Aug 12, 2005 9:16:39 PM

There is no denying that Trent is short though, Jen. But I like short men.

Gabriel, please remember though... he IS in Japan. It's inevitable that he'd be surrounded by Asian people who are shorter than him.

Posted by: Kim | Aug 12, 2005 9:23:35 PM

Hmm...my Thai dinner is not digesting well tonight, so I'm feeling rather piqued.

NO, Trent is totally NOT a racist. Check out his last update, whenever that was, when he busted out his racist "fan" for all the world to see. His liberal credentials have been impeccable lately, so I don't even want to hear it.

I have no idea what the hell Gabriel is referring to here, but I have a couple of suspicions of spurious examples, which I'm just going to knock down in advance because the whole concept gives me even more heartburn than the green curry sauce with extra chili paste.

Sure, Trent might poke fun at some of his fans' English grammatical skillz in Access (which is totally pot calling kettle black...just how deepLY do you believe, Trent?), but I've never heard him denigrate any part of the world, except for maybe Germany, which speaking as a part-German and someone who has been very involved in the German language and culture, I find more amusing than anything. Plus, it's not like he's got a posse of "pet" Japanese girls like Gwen Stefani, which to me is bordering on racism. She has become unhinged. But I digress.

Or maybe he's referring to the Mexico City pics where the band dressed up as gangster-types...ooh! Never mind how TR allegedly raved about Mexico City being the best city ever for a concert and apologizing for not going there before. I've seen Trent in a curly blonde wig and makeup...does that make him a misogynist too?

Gabriel is clearly just trying to press some buttons to get everyone's goat, but he's got NO PROOF.

Today's rant is just another example of how Gabriel just needs some chocolate or ice cream or a hug or some sex. Because why are you creating a fan site for a person whom you then slander with the terrible, and totally FALSE, label of racist?

And from where I'm standing (low to the ground), Trent's looking pretty tall to me. You got a problem with short people, Gabe--you total freaking HEIGHT-IST????

I adore you, Gabriel, you little ball of angst and fury, but I'm going to defend Trent every last time. Especially when you make it so damn easy.

Posted by: maise | Aug 13, 2005 12:39:25 AM

Jen, seriously, I don't know what's worse, Gabriel calling Trent a racist midget, or you wondering seriously if it's true. OF COURSE HE'S NOT A RACIST. Jesus H. Please tell me you were joking!

However, Trent "jarhead" Reznor is undeniably short, IN JAPAN, and Maise points out, in no position to throw grammatical stones. Finally, he is totally hot. I'm stopping short of calling him an "Adonis," because I'm not sure he can lay claim to idealized Grecian beauty, but Trent's beauty is much, much more delicious than that of anyone who could.

Matt, thanks for pointing out the obvious ONCE AGAIN, which brings me to my final point of agreement, which is with...

Maise, you have hit the proverbial nail on the head in saying that Gabriel needs to get some sex. Gabe, as much as you wish you had a Vagina, you have something that could, potentially, be even MORE POWERFUL: you have a MANGINA!

Now, go get some cock, tell us what the fuck "Everyday is Exactly The Same" is all about, and leave us to consider the satisfactions of being fucked in two by Trent Reznor in peace... or pieces, whatevs.

Posted by: Dierdre | Aug 13, 2005 1:51:40 AM

Trent Reznor is OBVIOUSLY a misogynist.

Posted by: Gabriel | Aug 13, 2005 4:31:40 AM

Adonis is used to describe a man you think looks absolutely perfect also, not just idealized Grecian beauty... which is what I think of Mister Reznor. He is perfection at its finest. (And my idea of perfection includes any flaws that might be present... you can't be perfect without some flaws or quirks!)

Posted by: Kim | Aug 13, 2005 9:16:17 AM

I certainly don't want to get all pedantic or some shit, and this is just my opinion and all, but to use the term "Adonis" effectively, I think it must be with some reference to it's origin.

Adonis, a character from Greek Mythology, was a beautiful youth loved by both Aphrodite and Persephone. After he was killed by a wild boar, Zeus decreed that he should spend the winter of each year in the underworld with Persephone and the summer months with Aphrodite.

An "Adonis," therefore, is a "classically handsome young man," according to my dictionary. Trent is neither "classically handsome" nor can he really be said to be "young." Also, he far too short, sharp-eyed, and clever for that title.

That said, God knows that if anyone thinks Trent is about as fucking good as it gets, it's me, baby, so we agree there. ;-)

And, Gabriel, Fucking A. Now he's a misogynist? Jesus. When will it end?

Posted by: Dierdre | Aug 13, 2005 10:31:01 AM

Yes, yes, I agree... but I really couldn't think of anything else to use to describe Trent at the time. Sleep deprivation coupled with various other things that I won't get into doesn't prove to be a good state to use your brain effectively in.

And I'm glad we agree that Trent's as good as it gets. ;)

I think I've decided to ignore Gabriel for a little bit, at least until he calms down... if he even will. Calling Mister Reznor a misogynist? Yes, I think I'll ignore Gabriel for a bit.

Posted by: Kim | Aug 13, 2005 12:38:41 PM

I'll bite, Gabriel. Where's your proof of Trent's misogyny? We're waiting. And no fair using "Big Man With a Gun" as a reference. That's too easy.

Not looking for an argument, just looking for an explanation.

Posted by: emerald527 | Aug 14, 2005 3:20:05 PM

I love how people used to make fun of groups like The Cure, and Duran Duran for using synthesizers in their music and that's all Trent does. Not much musical talent. It's like listening to Prince. Now, if you want talent and musical genius, listen to Dave Grohl. That man knows his stuff.

Posted by: adam smith | Nov 11, 2007 11:26:09 AM

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