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2005.07.27

[How_Dumb_Are_You_Fuckers?]

Yo, peeps. So I'd intended to write an article discussing the latest news in Trent Reznor's Empire of Dirt™ in this spot today; namely, that TVT Records will be auctioning off their back catalog, including nine inch nails' debut pretty hate machine, after defaulting on a bank loan. But unfortunately Meathead of meathead perspective fame must have been blowing Levithant last night, or was wearing a strap-on vagina and getting it on with Orestes or something, because The Head seemed to have some advance notice and posted a little bit of almost-funny wackiness before I could update WTC.

So I've instead decided to discuss fan reaction to this news; specifically, some of the fascinating points of view the folks at Echoing The Sound have brought up.

They have been saying things such as "Trent should buy the back catalog masters! That'd show them!", "If we get the masters, we can make Trent play/not play these songs live!", and my favorite, "Let's all save up, bid, and then Echoing the Sound will own pretty hate machine!" Well, I know there's been a lot of anti-ETS sentiment on this board lately, and I've been at the heart of a lot of it, but let me break down reality for some of you people out there:

YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF DUMB FUCKING RETARDS.

Can you grasp that? Does you water-addled brain understand the concept behind something as simple as You Are A Moron??? I'd give all you ETS readers the benefit of the doubt, but apparently, given your dumbshit comments on this topic, I'm a little hesitant.

You know what's funny to me? Is that you guys think that you can all save up MILLIONS OF DOLLARS! That's hilarious! WerewolfFeet was able to put together The Great Poster Experiment of 2005, which was a $30,000 affair, and even that became a drama of unimaginable proportions; yet you guys think that a bunch of dumbass teenagers and 40 year olds who are bored at work are going to raise all that money?

Also, do you really think that owning the physical master recording to a particular record has ANYTHING TO DO WHATSOEVER with whether that artist plays any of the included songs live or not? Hey, news flash -- there's two types of music licenses: one for the master (i.e., the actual physical noises of the record we know as PHM that Trent Reznor put to tape 15 years ago), and one for publishing (which covers the composition of the songs we all know, such as "Head Like a Hole", and "Something I Can Never Have").

Are you with me so far, or have you already shat out your six remaining brain cells? Okay, good. Then you've probably realized that in a concert situation, since the songs are BEING PLAYED LIVE, the license that would apply (if somebody gave a shit) would be the publishing license. Oh, and Trent Reznor already owns that. Wow. So you owning the Master Recording of PHM would have about the same effect on NIN's live shows as you owning the GODDAMNED CD would. What a fucking stellar revelation. You all're so goddamned smart. Buy yourself a Twinkie as a thank-you.

Also, there's the cries of "I guess this is why he started The Spiral", and "I hope he got the money from Malm!" Hey, you FUCKING LOSER -- do you really think he started a whole fan club, with all the infrastructure and rigamarole required, just so he could buy back the masters for an album he doesn't even seem to be that close to anymore???? I mean, I'm sure being a total fucking moron is a great way to live life -- sorta like how I was always jealous of the jocks for their total lack of self-awareness back in high school; being oblivious must be a blast! -- but the whole risk/reward ratio of that motherfucking proposition is about as appealing as the concept of stapling your penis together in order to get a girl to touch it. DOESN'T MAKE A LOT OF FUCKING SENSE, NOW DOES IT???

And the Malm money? Yeah, have you been alive long, becaue I don't see how anybody older than 2 weeks would really think a court decision against some fellow to pay some money happens, and then said fellow gives up enough money to bankrupt himself immediately, without any fight or appeal. I mean, shit, I have to bust ass to get money from my insurance company, and that's just to get a scrape on my fucking Civic's bumper fixed. Wake Up And Smell The Existence, dipshit.

Lastly, I'd like to address the whole, "Oh, I hope Michael Jackson doesn't buy the album like he did with the Beatles" point. Well, if you ETSers weren't all a bunch of stillbirth residue, you would know that Michael Jackson own the Publishing Rights to the entire Beatles catalog, which is where all the real fucking money is anyway. That way, when anybody plays a Beatles song, cover or not, he gets the cash. Publishing means every cover version, live performance, remix, and muzak version are a possible revenue stream. This (as I mentioned above) is not for sale.

In other words, YOU'RE FUCKING RETARDS. STOP PRETENDING THAT YOU CAN TALK, MUCH LESS THINK.

Oh, and since you bring up the "I Hope Trent Buys It Back" notion... do you really think that Trent Reznor himself is going to up and buy all those TVT recordings, just to get PHM? Actually, you probably do, half-breed, so once again, let me clarify: If anybody related to Trent buys this, it will be his record label. Interscope may have some use for a whole back catalog of material they can properly capitalize on, but without nothing records, Trent's got as much use for all that old TVT stuff as you guys do for an issue of "Games" magazine and a Mensa application.

Denizens of ETS? You're a bunch of fucking morons. I hope you die. And to commemorate this moment, I've written a poem...

How Dumb Are You Fuckers?
words by Gabriel

Goddamn.
Seriously,
I say Goddamn.

What the fuck is wrong with you all?
You can never know
How cuntastically
FUCKING
PIGGY
Useless
you are.

Set yourself on fire,

Fuck you.

Posted by Gabriel in things_i_hate | Permalink

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Comments

Yeah, you're mostly right. But, you're forgetting that many of them are, like, 15 years old.

Posted by: Beavette | Jul 27, 2005 8:21:58 PM

God Almighty, you 3 make my day... :D

Posted by: Kate | Jul 27, 2005 8:22:51 PM

Hey Beavette! So pleased to find out you're still a reader! (I'm sure you know this already, but Dierdre and I have always thought you were great, and people such as you, Busanda, and Jinsai are never included in any rantage about ignorant ETSers we may post here).

As far as them beng 15 years old... you're very right. But still, I really don't think I was that dumb when I was 15, and I was pretty dumb. And if I was, the only way I pulled out of it was by having some person older than me point out the inane nature of the things I was saying and/or doing.

Youthful ignorance is not an excuse. It's a cry for help.

Posted by: Gabriel | Jul 28, 2005 12:07:54 AM

Gabriel, just when I start thinking you are fucking hopeless you go and write something that fucking cracks me up so hard I can't even fucking READ.

Rule on, Hater. I love you.

Love,
Dierdre

Posted by: Dierdre | Jul 28, 2005 2:16:22 AM

'Cuntastically'- what a great word! I'll have to use that one in conversation. Thanks, Gabriel.

Posted by: Jessica | Jul 28, 2005 3:34:05 AM

LOL!!!!

Thanks for the morning smile on my face Gab!

:)

hugs,
bex

Posted by: bex | Jul 28, 2005 5:38:16 AM

Yeah, I know, I wasn't EVER that dumb. Ever. But, I learned long ago that you can't expect everybody else to be as smart as you.

And, this doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to poke fun at them.

Carry on.

Posted by: beavette | Jul 28, 2005 10:01:00 AM

Very true, Beavette, very true.

Hope everything's well with you -- really glad you're reading. :-)

Posted by: Gabriel | Jul 28, 2005 10:40:35 AM

AMEN!! As a person who works in the Legal end of the Entertainment industry, having started off in music rights and music publishing, (and who is sitting in my cube farm right now) can I just say that I am IN AWE of your knowledge, young Gabriel. Why aren't you running RIAA??

Posted by: Buttercup J. | Jul 28, 2005 11:43:30 AM

I have to say, all you people are delusonal twits that make such a big deal about Nine Inch Nales and Faggy Trent What's His Fuck. American Idiot is a dumb song and you are all morons that hate America who like this kind of music.

Get a life, losers!

Posted by: Bob Bobton | Jul 28, 2005 1:39:30 PM

Yeah, I was really bummed out when Trent recorded "American Idiot," myself. I liked "Dookie" a lot better. It was more American. Or something. My favorite Trent album, however, is "Breakfast in America."

Posted by: Beavette | Jul 28, 2005 2:39:01 PM

I like Breakfast at Trentany's.

Posted by: Gabriel | Jul 28, 2005 2:46:49 PM

Beavette, I don't know what you're playing at, but obviously NIMROD was Trent's best effort ever. I mean, remember in "The Grouch" where he says "The world owes me, so fuck you"?

I mean, seriously. I so felt him on that.

Posted by: Dierdre | Jul 29, 2005 1:40:50 AM

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